United World Colleges (UWC) Application Essay 2015 help

“Please write a statement of not more than 300 words explaining why you are interested in attending a UWC school or college. Describe both what you might contribute and what you would hope to gain. If desired, you may include a description of your background, family and any experiences you have had in meeting people from other backgrounds than your own.”

The UWC movement and mission connected to me on a deeper level. Reading the UWC mission and seeing the lifestyle of UWCers I knew it was place where I needed to be, learn and share. When I discovered UWC through presentations, short courses, articles and alumni, I knew it was a remarkable opportunity to challenge myself both academically and personally. I want to learn and share with others and I know UWC will give me the tools to prosper and to create a positive impact in the world. I’m not able to live by the UWC mission because I’m not encircled by people who are passionate to make changes. I don’t feel I’m surrounded by as much diversity as I need to contribute to a vibrant education inside and outside the classroom like UWC. What also motivated me to apply is the possibility of receiving two years of IB education, guaranteed to be an active environment with vigorous academics, extra-curricular and CAS, an environment I would flourish in. The UWC movement appealed to my dreams of using business techniques to find solutions for social problems, expand my knowledge about the environment and breaking down misunderstandings and stereotypes held around the world. I urge to expand my knowledge and contribute to the diversity of the environment, and UWC is an impeccable match. I want to learn how to perceive everything from different perspectives, which I’m confident I can learn at UWC. I’m eager to learn and hear more of people’s stories and the world I’m unaware of. With this unique experience, people will no longer see a little dot on the map when they think about the Cayman Islands, but a face they remember from an excellent ambassador of the Cayman Islands representing the culture and traditions, named Derricka.

TOTAL: 298 words
But I really think I need to add the “description of your background, family and any experiences you have had in meeting people from other backgrounds than your own.” part I wrote below.

Like UWC, two other things that have a special place in my heart are my mother and football. They both have allowed me to experience different backgrounds other than my own. My mother is from a tiny island off the coast of Nicaragua; San Andres, Colombia and her culture and experiences as a Colombian, still surprise me 16 years later. Football has allowed me to be in many tournaments where we stayed in hotels with teams from all over the world where things like even their hairstyles were so different from ours!

This is a comment I received, should I take it into consideration and remove the IB statement?

"Derri, you know what? If you first discuss your family, background, or experiences that had you mingling with people from diverse backgrounds, you can tie that discussion in with the reasons why you are interested in applying to UWC. A parallelism of the world that you come from and the world that you look forward to experiencing at UWC will be the most perfect way to provide an answer to the prompt. You could allot something like 150 words for that and then allot the last 150 to the discussion of how you plan to contribute to the UWC community and how you think you will gain from that contribution.

You don’t have to explain to the reviewer about where you heard about UWC and what the alumni told you about the school. Those first few lines are really not necessary in the essay. You are just telling the reviewer useless information. Useless because it does not tell him anything that he needs to know based upon the prompt requirements. You should revise that opening statement to directly answer the prompt instead. Focus the opening on my suggestions in the previous paragraph and you should have a more attuned response to open your essay with.

Try not to tell the reviewer that one of the main reasons you decided to apply was the fact that you get a free 2 year education out of this. That is obvious information that all of the applicants are after and therefore, is not a strong reason to seek UWC approval. In fact, that is the weakest reason and should not show up in the essay at all. All of the other reasons that you presented were sufficient enough.

Overall, the essay just needs some content adjustment and refocusing in order to deliver a strong prompt answer on your part :slight_smile: "

I agree with the fact that you need to refocus on the prompt since you primarily answer “what you hope to gain” and not “what are you going to contribute”. In addition, I don’t believe the other information you want to add is necessary since you do talk about the lack of diversity and how others in your area aren’t very passionate. I agree that you should get rid of the part where you talk about the 2-year education because the information is obvious and it isn’t going to make you stand out as an applicant. Personally, I would replace that information with something more meaningful to me by adding very short anecdote as to how being in an unmotivated community has held me back from creating change. If you have to delete some words I would get rid of the introduction sentences because they aren’t needed since the purpose of the question is to get a short response.

Good luck!
Elena

@xxelenaxx I re did the entire thing. Tell me which one sounds better for the prompt.

  1. As aforementioned above ^ OR

2.Eleanor Roosevelt once said “I think, at a child’s birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that gift would be curiosity.” I consider curiosity to be what has made me the person I am today. Bombarding someone with questions should be my middle name. I always thought that being curious was a negative trait. Being “inquisitive” or ‘”entrometida” as my Colombian mother would say was always something I had mixed feelings towards. However, this curiosity often fed my hunger of always wanting to learn or do something innovative, a thrilling feeling of satisfaction.
Being “entrometida”, I found out about UWC through presentations, short courses, articles and alumni and I knew it was a remarkable opportunity to challenge myself both academically and personally. The UWC movement and mission has made me realize that this is a place where it’s okay to be curious. The UWC values appealed to my dreams of using business techniques to find solutions for social problems and breaking down misunderstandings and stereotypes held around the world. I want to learn how to perceive everything from different perspectives, which I’m confident I can learn at UWC.
I have fortunately had many opportunities to interact with people outside of my background, the chief one being my mother. Originally from a tiny island off the coast of Nicaragua, her cultures and experiences as a Colombian still surprise me 16 years later. Like my mother and curiosity, another thing that has a special place in my heart is football. Football has allowed me to be in many tournaments where we stayed in hotels with teams from every corner of the map!
UWC is an innovative and multicultural environment, one of the best methods of education. Being placed in this type of environment with diverse people of different cultures and experiences would help me to become a more open-minded, empathetic and patriotic individual. With this unique experience, people will no longer see a little dot on the map when they think about the Cayman Islands, but a face they remember from an excellent ambassador representing the culture and traditions and empowering others to share the UWC values, named Derricka.

Beautiful! The new one is so much better and it gives me a sense of you while still addressing the prompt! With an answer like that you will be set apart from the rest of the applicants which will make them notice you. I hope that you get in!

I just want to thank you so much for your advice and constructive criticism! @xxelenaxx

Hey, I have a similar problem too. Anyone who’s willing to revise my essay? Thanks!