My dad is somewhat traditional, and doesn’t like the idea of me living in NYC racking up tons of debt for a career that is not the most secure financially. I totally get where he is coming from and many other parents too. So here I am applying to colleges, trying to convince him this is my calling.
I guess why I am asking this is I can’t seem to not envy the students with parents on this website supporting their every decision, and not only that they are also helping other kids like me on this forum. I know my dad has very practical concerns, but at what point are we living our lives for financial reasons while at the same time also living unfulfilling lives, and not lives for ourselves.
So here I am once again to ask for advice. I have an audition at the end of this month in NYC, in your experience have you seen students come without their parents, or is it expected? At this point I think I have to make my own way there and have no support from my dad.
Yes, certainly, every year there are kids who navigate this process without their parents. It must be excellent training for real life, when no one will have mom or dad around to buy them soup or make sure they’ve packed the right shoes. But to the larger point, your dad is right – acting is not a very well-paid career (with a few glaring exceptions) and you would be wise not to go into a lot of debt to train for it However, if it’s what you want to do, try to be smart about where you go to school and how much you pay for it, be ready to take on a “survival” job, and work it as hard as you know how. Get the most out of the classes, the connections and the chance to work outside your school through internships and summer gigs. I don’t know about NYC but a surprising number of my S’s kids are making it, more or less, in Chicago. That is, they are working consistently, most of them for not a lot of money, but they are doing what they want want to do and who knows where that will lead? Seriously, if you try this and it doesn’t work, you can always do something else (undergraduate degrees in theater are not any worse that undergraduate degrees in English or history or even economics). But if you don’t try it, you’ll never know, will you?
@GMTplus7 I’m sorry I haven’t made myself clear. Paying for school is not the problem with my dad, but the financial prospects of a career in acting and how I AM affected by it. I’m not sure what OPM is.
Sounds like it IS an issue if he thinks you won’t be able to support yourself when you are done. It is his money, and his right to invest or spend it as he sees fit. He does not owe you a college education.
@intparent The last time I checked parents are responsible for paying what they can AFFORD in terms of higher education. The arts are just as important as STEM careers. He is worried about me, not the money. Thanks for the input though.
@GMTplus7 and @intparent - OUCH!! Unlike other forums where I have seen some of your posts- Here we try to take a more supportive approach - especially with students who are taking on a really tough process on their own. @40yearoldvirgin - you will find a whole community of people here who are willing to help. I certainly understand parental concern- I worry for my kid in much the same way. But I was one (a very long time ago) who made the practical choice rather than following my heart. I am certainly happy with the way my life turned out- but I would be lying if I didn’t say I had occasional regrets. And I think it’s a lot easier to pick up a “practical” career later on than it is to go back and follow your dreams. So I support my D following hers- and @GMTplus7 - it IS my $$
Parents are not obligated to provide a dollar for higher education. Many kids and young adults don’t have parents willing to finance college for them.
That said, I will not dictate career choices for my kids. I’ll offer advice and information but the choices are theirs to make and I will help them pay for their education as much as I can.
Maybe you can make a plan to show your dad what you will do to support yourself financially. Figure out what you can do with your degree if you eventually decide acting isn’t working for you.
I have had friends who have happily done the Chicago acting thing mentioned above. I think it’s a great option to look into.
No… parents are not responsible for paying “what they can afford”. They can contribute to your higher education costs if they want to, but are in no way obligated to do so. There is nothing unsupportive about saying so – it is his money, and his right to decide how to spend it.
Parents who are not willing to finance their children’s education when they are capable of doing so doesn’t seem like the ideal parent. I am thankful for my father in that regard. In this day and age with tuition as high as it is, I’m not sure how else I would be able to go to college. He wants me to further my education and he can and will pay for initial costs while I obviously pay back the loans in the future. The only disagreement I guess I have with my father is what you mentioned @mom2twogirls about dictating my career choice.
I will definitely look into schools in Chicago, as I have already applied to Columbia College Chicago. I am sorry if I seem a bit defensive about whose responsibility it is to pay for higher education, but if parents were not responsible for what they can afford than wouldn’t those students have an option to apply as independents on the FAFSA?
Would your dad feel better if you applied to colleges that offer a BA in theater, with the possibility of minor in something else? Then you could try the acting but still have a fall-back. But honestly, I graduated with a degree in history a million years ago which had, really, no intrinsic value in the job market, but I have never had any trouble getting a job or making a living. It’s all how hard you work and how fast you pick things up, not what it says on your diploma.
I think he would rather have me go to school in my state and minor in theater instead. I told him to at least give me the chance to try to audition, but he actually thinks I’m out of my mind. LOL.
I was stuck when I wanted to go to college without any parental help. The government said my parents should contribute x amount of dollars but they couldn’t and I was not able to get loans for school and I was attached to their tax filings until I was 23. How does a young person do it on their own? That was over 30 years ago when college was much more affordable. @40yearoldvirgin I am saddened at some of the responses on here. A parent SHOULD help with college or the government should stop expecting parents to contribute so the student can take out loans. It’s not fair.
Most students don’t get the luxury of going to out of state colleges, or even residing on a four year campus, Why should anyone loan to a student who has no assets, and unsure earning potential? This student could surely attend his local community college, a state directional, colleges within commuting distance, or even his state flagship. It seems his dad is willing to do that. He isn’t saying no college, he is saying he isn’t going to fund an expensive OOS college or private college, and he would like the OP to major in a reasonably marketable field. That is a lot more than most students get.
@40yearoldvirgin - there are any number of high quality BA programs that allow a student to double major, explore options etc. if your dad is interested in you staying closer to home- what region/state are you in? You mentioned living in NYC in your OP, is that a post graduation plan, or where you want to go to school?
Another possibility is to talk to your dad about following his plan (state school, theater minor or double major) and to allow for additional training. There as lots of great enrichment programs/training opportunities that you could be a part of in the summers etc. Maybe with time he will come to see more of your passion. There is also merit in the idea of saving $$ on undergrad and using it for a fabulous MFA program.
This is going to be the last post I make about this. I was hoping to get advice on unsupportive parents in regards to the career and not the monetary aspect. Thank you to @bisouu@Jkellynh17@toowonderful and others for their helpful comments.
“Why would anyone loan to a student who has no assets” – I think you are referring to the majority of 17/18 year olds making their transition to college. As to “unsure earning potential,” there are many as @Jkellynh17 has mentioned that have majored in subjects deemed not to have the best job prospects, yet they are doing fine in maybe a different career.
I have first hand experience with these students you are talking about. Most students who do not go to out of state colleges/private universities are mainly because their parents are unable to financially not because their parents believe they should bear the burden of the total cost of their education even when their parents are capable of giving a helping hand.
@toowonderful I wanted to go to NYC for undergrad. I am interested in Pace U, and if affordable would love to go there. Correct me if I am wrong, but they give pretty good merit aid? I really do need to explore the idea of staying in state and saving money, and using that money for MFA programs. I guess I am eager to start the process sooner. I live in Virginia. Thanks for the reply @toowonderful
I agree that financial aid shouldn’t be dependent on parents. I agree it’s not fair. But that is what is the reality. In my opinion, kids whose parents pay should be incredibly grateful for that gift.
I’m surprised at your sense of entitlement. Your dad is not responsible to send you to an insanely expensive school because you want to live in a big city and follow a career that most likely would end up being unemployed, underemployed and in debt. First of all you should pick a college where you can get merit scholarship so you can study whatever you like without draining his bank account. If your heart is set on NYU then take a gap year to work and do your own taxes, next year you’ll be eligible to file FAFSA on your own.
Pace is known for good aide (though housing costs etc are still high- it’s NYC) If you have more questions/concerns you would like to discuss away from the negative attitude some posters (who are NOT the norm for this forum) please feel free to PM me. I cannot speak for @Jkellynh17, or @bisouu - but are wonderful positive people with a wealth of info to share. I am sure they would be willing to help too
I hope the recent negativity goes back to other forums where it belongs
