URM- unsure whether applying for BS is a good idea

Prep School Admissions
21

<p>I never knew asking a simple question would get so much criticism.</p>

<p>“Sharing Gift”</p>

<p>What if… My wife is handicapped and leaving her at home isn’t an option and all three of us staying in one room isn’t an option?</p>

<p>What if… I tripled my income from last year to this year? What if my income for the last 6-8 years is all over the map? $20,000 one year, $60,000 the next, $110,000 the next, $40,000 the next, $150,000 the next, $30,000 the next, $40,000 the next, $140,000 the next? Do I need your approval to simply ask a question?</p>

<p>Why does anything about my personal situation have anything to do with simply answering the question of “What are schools views on people who ask for waivers and who are waivers intended for?” </p>

<p>It was a simple question, and I did not say I was going to ask for a waiver. I was simply curious on who they are designed for and how school’s feel about them. Without asking the question I would never know the answer. I wasn’t planning on having people try to assume they know anything about me or my situation. </p>

<p>I thought this board was a good place to ask questions about the boarding school process. I did not realize it was a board where people play “God” and as opposed to answering a question, they feel like it’s their place to criticize the folks that come here simply looking for answers and information. </p>

<p>GMT</p>

<p>I apologize, but I have no idea what you are talking about. Race has nothing to do with my daughter wanting to go to boarding school. How well my daughter is or isn’t doing in school perhaps might not have any bearing on why she wants to go to boarding school. Do I really need to explain “Why” my daughter wants to go to boarding school on this board? Perhaps that explanation is best left to my child to explain to her interviewers.<br>
When my daughter told me last year that she wanted to go to boarding school, “I” did question her why she would want to go? I understood exactly why she wanted to go. I did come on this board and ask questions any confused parent would ask about how it will affect her future. Her life after high school is very important to me, and I needed to know that going to boarding school wouldn’t hinder or would hinder her future possibilities. I got the answers I needed, and as I have politely explained to Sharing Gift above… It really isn’t anyone’s concern on “Why” my daughter wants to go to boarding school. Again, just as Sharing Gift did above, you are assuming you know things about my child’s situation. What if… My daughter’s desire to go to boarding school has nothing to do with how well she does or doesn’t do in school? </p>

<p>If I recall, I have never once posted in this forum “Why” my daughter wants to go to boarding school, nor will I. I simply came here looking for answers to questions that we had. Nothing more, nothing less. Many folks have been very helpful to our questions both in this forum and via PM. I appreciate all the answers and kind words of wisdom. </p>

<p>I will not respond to any responses as I am not hear to be judged, nor do I have any intention of judging anyone. I came to this board looking for answers to my questions about boarding schools… not looking for stalkers that pull up year old posts, who “think” they have all the solutions. I am sorry if some feel my question was “sickening.” I thought it was a fair “question.” When you think about it, all this over a simple question? Really?</p>

22

<p>URM, I don’t think that some of the responses from GMT and Sharing were intended to be as critical as you seem to find them. </p>

<p>With a handle like “URM,” and the further descriptions you have given, it is fair for responders to seek clarification… it is harder for anyone to counsel whether your dd’s half-URM status is really a “hook,” (and though you say it has nothing to do with her WANTING to go, it is clear from your tag and repeated use of URM, that it is on YOUR mind) but it sounds like, all things being equal, her status as a star athlete, artist and top student MAY be… it will depend on so many factors that are individual to <em>your</em> family situation, which sounds, like that of many, complicated. </p>

<p>As for the income issue:</p>

<p>You were seeking counsel about what direction you should pursue. The need for a great deal of FA could work against her, OTOH if she’s truly an URM then it may not… again, it depends on many factors. And your first comment that you and her mother each make less than $40K per year was followed rather quickly by a statement that you make “less than half” of $250K rings lots of bells for the many middle-class families who reply frequently to queries from parents for whom the expenses of boarding schools are “inconveniences” rather than “hardships.” If you have followed these boards at all, which I hope you did at least a bit before you posted, you will know that Sharing has fairly recently posted about the family’s financial concerns and the sacrifices that they are willing to make to send their child to **… so you might give Sharing a break for getting his or her nose out of joint by a comment that APPEARS to contain some financial deception, which you were later willing to clarify.</p>

<p>Parents on these forums are here to share what information they can. Hiding “giveaway” information is reasonable, if you’re in the middle of, or are contemplating the current admissions cycle. Not fully disclosing an unusual situation and then being upset when folks don’t understand you, isn’t. </p>

<p>Your original post was great, and raises some legitimate questions. If you read the replies thoroughly, you’ll find some really good advice. There is not a single person on this forum who can tell you “what you should do” about your daughter’s situation. What folks can do, and DO do, is provide measured opinions, “BTDT” stories, and personal observations. With luck, some of the answers will prompt NEW questions that will help you AND your daughter make a decision for what works best for her and for your family.</p>

<p>So knock that chip off your shoulder and, instead of whining, keep asking the great questions. And best of luck in your journey.</p>

23

<p>I stated that I would not respond. I will change my handle as it appears using the word URM in a handle was a poor choice. I did not know that when I formed it 12-14 months ago.</p>

24

<p>Well, Granny is getting really old and having trouble keeping-up with this. I thought you said that your daughter apparently wanted to go to ** because she lost her “best friends” to other school…and she wanted to get away from people who might not be as concerned about " material possessions." ??</p>

25

<p>Hee hee, old Granny. No, I think the OP meant she felt that ** would be a place where people might not be as concerned… because she wanted to get away from her current HS, where only 10-15% are on FA (as opposed to “typical” **, which is more like 25-40%).</p>

<p>At least, that’s how I read it. Maybe I misunderstood.</p>

26

<p>@URMtop5 dad,</p>

<p>If you read back on this very thread, you will see that I (and a lot of other parents) have been sincere in sharing our insights. I re-read some of your old posts to try to understand the context about the seeming incongruity in your recent posts. If you are second-guessing the value of posting your questions here, count your blessing that your fee waiver issue raised a firestorm here among parents, instead of in a prep school admissions office.</p>

<p>Yes, I also support changing your handle from “URMtop5”. It is a socially/politically charged handle, as calling yourself “incomeTop1%” or “legacyAdmit” might also be.</p>

<p>I hope you will continue participating in this forum and wish your daughter every success.</p>

27

<p>If I still recall my math, there will be approximately 60% of this ** who are full-pay for the $50,000 + per year…or whatever that figure is now. Unless her current private school is the same $50,000 per year, perhaps the 10-15% FA would increase a few points?</p>

<p>** is not the ideal place to avoid wealthy people; it comes with the territory.</p>

28

<p>Good point, Granny. I got the impression that the OP was talking as much about the <em>attitude</em> of the other kids and their families as the <em>actuality</em>… so your good math notwithstanding, the hope that there might be less emphasis on “who has what” (or simply on “who has more”) at ** compared to local private school seems reasonable…</p>

<p>Okay, I just re-read the OP and now read it as a concern that CURRENTLY the daughter feels pressure to focus on material things, despite not perhaps being constitutionally disposed to (because she is, in her father’s words, “humble”), and hopes that if she goes to ** the focus will be on academics and deeper social concerns, rather than simply on material wealth/possessions. </p>

<p>Having been a scholarship kid at “posh” schools back in my day, I can certainly see dad’s concern. I agree that ** is not an ideal place to avoid wealthy people; I do think that it is probably a better place than the local posh day school, which may be the only local “gathering place” for all that wealth, and carry the attitudes that sometimes accompany being the big cheese(s) in a particular, isolated society (in that any locality is something of an isolated society—not that ** isn’t, but it is at least an intentional community of people who aren’t necessarily there to keep their kids away from the local “have-nots”).</p>

29

<p>Girlgeek and Granny, I respectfully rquest that you give it a rest. I posted over a year ago the reasons why I “thought” my d wanted to attend *<em>. I was incorrect. Further, you are speculating that my daughter wants to go to *</em> because of social or financial issues. You are incorrect. Nor is my daughter unhappy with her current school. You are reading posts that I posted over a year ago when I was speculating as well why could it be that my d wants to go to **. I was incorrect back then, and I now know the real reasons. Those reasons are not reasons you need to know. Just as you are “speculating at the reasons” you failed to see the dates on posts regarding my income. The statement I made was over a year later…</p>

<p>And your first comment that you and her mother each make less than $40K per year was followed rather quickly by a statement that you make “less than half” of $250K rings lots of bells for the many middle-class families who reply frequently to queries from parents for whom the expenses of boarding schools are “inconveniences” rather than “hardships.”</p>

<p>… followed rather quickly by a statement? As in a year later, that is quick to you? I’m sorry but incomes do change. </p>

<p>Now, please one last time… please quit speculating on why my d wants to go to boarding school. </p>

<p>GMT- “YOU” as well as many others have given me fine advice over the last 14 months. I will change my handle.</p>

30

<p>No, URM. We won’t. Well, I can’t speak for Granny, but <em>I</em> won’t. Because many of the folks with whom you are so annoyed on THIS thread are also helping you on other threads, where your posts address some of the issues outlined here, and are based on THIS year’s admissions cycle. </p>

<p>I respectfully submit that this is a public forum. And it’s not unusual for old threads to be picked up in a new cycle, because something in the thread is relevant to whoever is reading it on any given day, in any given year. In fact, it’s the norm. Ever see those “bump” posts? They’re intended to bring old, yet still potentially relevant to many, to the fore. Like worrying whether your now considerably higher income might somehow qualify you for admissions fee waivers.</p>

<p>The folks who’ve replied in the past couple/few days are responding to RECENT replies. Clearly, the subject is of interest and relevant to many, despite the age of the original post. If it bothers you that folks on a public forum reply “late,” I respectfully suggest you reconsider your presumptions about public online forums.</p>

<p>There. Got that out of my system for the moment. Now, would you still like my, and others’ good advice on your OTHER threads? Because we’ve been giving it to you right along with the stuff you don’t like on this one, right alongside GMT, whom you rightly praise for good advice.</p>

<p>But guess who picked up that year-old thread with the type of comment that seems to be upsetting you??? Oops, it was GMT. So try not to get in a snit regarding who speculates about what, and when. You have been reading these forums long enough to know that threads can, and do, wander over long periods.</p>

<p>You pose some really good questions on these boards, which raise issues that can help educate others. Why not just leave it at that and stop trying to slap folks down for having their own take on what you have put forth?</p>

31

<p>Perhaps it’s the moon or that the world is about to end…</p>

<p>When I read OP, I guessed perhaps she’s his stepdaughter. Biological parents making much less each. Not wanting to share a hotel room with a stepdaughter. I or anyone could read it all differently, so lets not dwell on different families circumstances.</p>

<p>I think applying to boarding schools can be an educational experience by itself so I’d say visit the schools, talk to students, and have your daughter make an informed decision.
Given her desire, if you don’t let her she may wonder whatifs and blame you. (Yes, it’s always parents fault)
She needs to decide for the right reasons herself.
it sounds like she will be successful wherever she ends up.</p>

32

<p>Not interested in paying for application fees but, between interviews, willing to spend money in a NE ski resort, despite it won’t be like Jackson Hole or Tahoe where his family used to fly in for skiing? Really?</p>

33

<p>Yes sharing gift, this is exactly the part where I think the judgement is coming from. We all have circumstances that present obstacles and challenges in our lives- and it isn’t up to anyone to judge another. I feel tremendous empathy towards the OP and relate to a good deal of his position. The one part that I just couldn’t get past is the fancy ski vacations- that we only ‘dream’ of taking. That is precisely where my sympathy was lost. The logic of affording Tahoe, but not a $50 application fee- something that I would never ‘dream’ of asking for a waiver on…</p>

34

<p>I will post my thoughts for the purposes of assisting you in the event that your D does apply and is accepted to boarding school. This is truly meant in the spirit of being helpful.</p>

<p>Consider who your audience is before speaking (or posting).</p>

<p>Just as in a boarding school community, there is a very wide spectrum of posters on this forum. I think it is safe to say that ALL races and socio-economic backgrounds are represented. I am certain that there are those who truly sacrifice other things to scrape the resources together to travel to interviews. Making a mini vacation out of it does not enter their mind. The other family trips you refer to are just not on their radar screen. So these people might feel a little put off when you refer to these things, but also speak of fee waivers and financial aid.</p>

<p>I am also certain that there are those on this forum, and in a boarding school community, that make restricted gifts to the school, earmarked for financial aid recipients. Reading your posts might be perplexing to them as well. </p>

<p>Your D sounds very talented and I do wish her every success in the application process!</p>

35

<p>Mr. Urm,</p>

<p>If you really want to help your daughter, I would advise you to park that attitude somewhere before you enter an Admissions Office, either for Boarding School or College.</p>