<p>Excuse me, Treetopleaf, but I didn't question the truth of Hotpiece's story, I questioned the possiblity of exaggeration on the part of a college student who by any account had a terrible experience. I also make the point that there are 2 sides to every story. This is the internet, and we should at least be concerned about the veracity of almost everything that is posted here, before we accept statements as unvarnished truth.</p>
<p>Because I have followed this forum for awhile I "know" that Garland is a Mom and a respnsible person who is telling her story with the benefit of time and perspective on the events, so I'm less concerned about exaggeration on her part. </p>
<p>Again, college age is the prime time for severe mental illness, particularly schizophrenia to manifest, and for the reasons I've given, our kids have possibly a higher chance of having a truly bizarre experience like Garland's and Hotpiece's, than we parents did - even though, as G's story shows, kids were having psychotic breaks 25 years ago, too.</p>
<p>Garland, if it was 10 years ago (I visualize you at 30, that's how old I am ;)), I sincerely apologize!</p>
<p>Let's just say that "25 years ago" was being very generous! But go ahead, picture away! :) </p>
<p>Ses--one of the upsides of the dorm where we worked for our discounts was that there was a lot of movement in and out--it was a pretty ragtag bunch of students in general, everyone from freshmen to grad students, sharing one defining feature--no money. Some of us dealt with the place better than others--I spent two mostly good years there myself. Anyway, rooms opened up there fairly often.</p>
I didn't exaggerate in the least bit. This girl was legitimately crazy and the school did not handle the situation well at all. Everything (her pregnancy scares, her "endometriosis," her rape, her suicide attempts) really did happen like that. </p>
<p>And you are right, cangel, there are two sides to every story. Her side of the story is that she has family issues (her father was emotionally abusive, she told us that her autistic 16 year old brother accidentally killed her baby sister, her older sister attempted suicide a few times as well). I think she did most of it for attention. And, she told me over this summer that she had a severe case of ADD that had gone undiagnosed her whole life. So, I guess the ADD and the family issues made her the way she was.</p>
<p>Hotpiece, there is no doubt in my mind that she is crazy, sick, whatever term one prefers. ALso, my guess would be that the story she told you about her family life is maybe a lot exaggerated, embroidered, whatever, although again, she sounds as if there are real problems.</p>
<p>My point was not to say you were definitely untruthful, even if only half the things you listed happened in your room, you and your roommates were in an uncomfortable living situation that you or your parents are paying a lot of money for, AND, the crazy roommate is a sick person who may not get the help she needs - somebody dropped the ball.
Of course, part of the "other side of the story" is that the college may have attempted to help this girl and she did everything possible to undermine their efforts.</p>
<p>
[quote]
Heaven forbid you should have to deal with someone with different opinions. I thought that was part of college--you know--the learning thing.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Yeah, let's put you in a room with a random roomate whose views, habits, and attitudes are completely opposite to yours for one year see how you like...I have no problem dealing with (or accepting) people of different backgrounds and/or beliefs, but I don't think any student would want to live with someone who differs from him/her in most aspects. </p>
<p>But what do you know--you school probably made you fill an extensive questionnaire to match you with someone anyway, you're such a brave person.</p>
<p>Back to the original topic of the USA Today article on parents requesting roommates changes for their child BEFORE that child even lives with the roommate based on the information that student posts of Facebook. </p>
<p>I believe that if you put it on Facebook for all the world to see, it must be what you are or what you believe yourself to be. If I, as a parent, saw questionable (or out and out suggestive or lewd) photos or worrisome information on my child's roommate's Facebook profile page, I would be calling student housing ASAP. I know that my child would not show me the page or relay the information they discovered if they were not concerned about it.
And being the mom that I am, I would not let us until there was a change.</p>
<p>I wholehearted agree with EVERYONE who has stated that there is nothing to be gained from living in a horrific dorm situation for a year, or even a semester. If that can be nipped in the bud before it starts, all the better.</p>
<p>I have no answer as to what would be a better system of placing students in rooms. I told housing at my D's school that I believe housing is the hardest job on any college campus, and I believe it! Harder than admissions, by far!
By the time you are admitted and get to housing, you've already plunked down the cash and have expectations of what your student is going to get for that large chunk of change. Not that expectations (in MOST cases) are outlandish - my D said she just wanted a clean, quiet, little space of her own where she could study and rest and just be. If that included a roommate, she just wanted someone who was respectful of her and her space. Not a lot to ask!</p>
<p>
[quote]
Of course, part of the "other side of the story" is that the college may have attempted to help this girl and she did everything possible to undermine their efforts.
[/quote]
I completely agree with this! She would often pretend that everything was okay, she got so good at it that she tricked the psychologist into letting her go home only hours before her second suicide attempt.</p>
<p>And I'll admit that we are also partially to blame for the continuation of her behavior. We, as her roomies, knew that she wasn't all there, but we didn't want to "tattle" on her. I remember at one point she would just randomly being drinking alcohol every afternoon, and we were all concerned, but we didn't want to get her in trouble. We probably should have reported more of her erratic behavior than we did.</p>
<p>Oh no, this stuff was happening 30 years ago. I know. I was an RA. I had a very disturbed girl in my house. she locked herself in her room for days on end. She was my responsiblity.</p>
<p>Also, my brother probably had a series of manic episodes and psychotic breaks while he was away at school for four years. His final one, during graduation week, was the biggie. 10 weeks later he was in a mental hospital out-of-state.</p>
<p>The difference was that the general population didn't have labels like 'bi-polar- and psychotic break'. We didn't know about proper medications.</p>
<p>I have not read through posts posted after yesterday, but I read this as a solution on the roommate matching/selection thread on the parent board. This was posted by HoyaChick11 and I thought that this sounded interesting. It is far from perfect, but it is interesting:</p>
<p>
[quote]
Well, Georgetown's got a pretty unique system. They have students fill out a preferences survey, and write a little about themselves in a comments section. Then all of the surveys are posted online anonymously for about a month and you can write messages back and forth with the people whose surveys look interesting and you can decide from asking whatever questions you want who you would like to be your roommate and then invite someone. If they accept your invitation to be a roommate, then it's final and you get an email with their name and email address. If people don't select a roommate by the end of the month then they are assigned a roommate based on their responses to the survey, which is about living habits and preferences.
<p>After reading this topic I went to my rising h/s senior D and asked her:</p>
<p>"Suppose, you are a newly admitted college freshman and just notified who your future roommate is; would you look her up at the Facebook?"</p>
<p>"Of course", - my D replied. (I anticipated such an answer - that's what they all do nowadays ;)).</p>
<p>"And what if you saw something disturbing about her on that virtual page - such as proclaiming herself as heavy partier, drinker, smoker, druggie ... or just a snotty b***?"</p>
<p>"Well ... either she might be joking or that wouldn't be a suitable roommate for me. The latter is more probable".</p>
<p>"Would you try to call your college housing and request a roommate change then?"</p>
<p>"Umm ... I don't know".</p>
<p>That's it: teens themselves believe that what people put on their virtual pages is, most probably, who they really are; they wouldn't like to find themselves sharing their living space with unsuitable people; but, due to some personality traits (such as shyness or wrongly percieved "politeness") they might not have the guts to take neccessary steps to get themselves out of this situation. On the other hand, they want to be independent and wouldn't like the parents to be too involved and make the steps for them.</p>
<p>The question is: what the parents to do in such situations? ;)</p>
<p>What most adults may not realize is that the vast majority of high school seniors drink. And if they don't, then they will start not necessarily binge drinking, but drinking in college. The photos on a Facebook page do not an entire person make.</p>
<p>I think that unless a Facebook page shows remarks or opinions that a student would not be comfortable around--racism, sexism, homophobia, etc--then the roommate should get a shot.</p>
<p>There is always a possibility that the kids will get along fine. They don't have to be buddies they just have to respect each other's space.</p>
<p>If it does become a problem THEN after living with the roommate a student can go to housing with concrete evidence and find a switch or a new room.</p>
<p>I think that making judgments before you meet an individual is premature and inappropriate.</p>
<p>Odds are that some of the horrible roommates mentioned on this thread looked perfectly normal when their lives were put up on internet profiles. You really can't tell.</p>
<p>I don't mind if teens look up the prospective roommates becasue I believe teh large majority would give the assigned roommate a chance. I don't like ot hear about parents getting involved in the review. Unbeknownst to Gtown, many boomer parents are invovled in the Gtown lottery selection--rejecting certain roomies for questionable reasons and seeking high-status roomies for their children. </p>
<p>Gtown should abandon that sorority-like 'review' system in my opinion. The hidden fallout is antithetical to their mission.</p>
<p>cheers, what is questionable, and what is high status? Is high status a student with parents who have more than 15 million in assets, 100 million, or unrelated to money? Is high status a perfect SAT scorer and a VAL and noted wrestler in their home state? Is questionable one who is of a different religion or race than parents who are choosing for their son/daughter, or one who says they like to go to parties on weekends, or one who is homosexual, or one who would like to sneak in their pet snake? I think how you define high status, or why to reject someone is different for different people.</p>
<p>I think that unless a Facebook page shows remarks or opinions that a student would not be comfortable around--racism, sexism, homophobia, etc--then the roommate should get a shot.</p>
<p>And what if that page DOES show such remarks?</p>
<p>"That's it: teens themselves believe that what people put on their virtual pages is, most probably, who they really are; they wouldn't like to find themselves sharing their living space with unsuitable people; but, due to some personality traits (such as shyness or wrongly percieved "politeness") they might not have the guts to take neccessary steps to get themselves out of this situation. On the other hand, they want to be independent and wouldn't like the parents to be too involved and make the steps for them.
The question is: what the parents to do in such situations?"</p>
<p>Ummm. This is a no-brainer. Kick them in the behind and tell them to do something about it?</p>
<p>My son is 18. If he isn't capable of at least TRYING (and I'll give it the benefit of the doubt- if he <em>tries</em> and gets blown off, I'll step in and be an advocate for him) to take care of his own back, then I've got a lot more problems than just his roomie.</p>
<p>The roomie is the least of problems. The bigger problem is an 18 year old who can't take initiative to do a relatively simple task, like looking into room changes.</p>
<p>If after everything I've TRIED to teach my kids, they don't have the backbone to make a STEP toward extricating themselves from a bad situation, they aren't ready to be on their own.</p>
<p>lskinner ~ The two older girls ( 16 1/2 mo. apart) share a room and the 2 younger girls( 2 1/2 yrs apart) share a room. We have a guest/spare room and a toy room.<br>
Choosing a college is not just about the academic and the financial fit but also the residential living fit including the distance from home. The degree of independence that your young adult is ready for that challenges his/her comfort zone without destroying it. This leads to growth and the next level of independence. Keeping generalizations out of the picture, fit is very personal and individual.</p>
<p>cangel, I'm glad you backtracked to say you were referring to the <em>roommate</em> exaggerating her woes because I was going to call you out on this.
[quote]
While I think Hotpiece's story may be a little exaggerated, and may have another side to it, that sort of prolonged drama was less common 30 years ago.
[/quote]
May I say that I thought hotpiece stated the case with precision, and I did not sense that any part of it was exaggerated.</p>
<p>I wonder if anyone is thinking "Gosh. My child could reach the apogee of parental aspiration -- making it to Harvard -- and wind up spending enormous amounts of time and energy dealing with alcoholic or mentally ill roommates. Not to mention she could fear for her life."</p>
<p>So how is it that Harvard, or any other college, could admit someone who clearly needs sturdy psychiatric care -- without ensuring that med protocols are followed?</p>
<p>I believe it is not required to state on college apps if a student has a pervasive illness of any sort. And as pointed out on this thread, the illness can be manifested later or triggered by substance abuse.</p>
<p>As to the question of it being more common now, I don't know, I was thinking of John Nash ("A Beautiful Mind"). Many brilliant, genius, wildly creative young people (who also happen to have psychiatric disorders) present beautifully, and I'm sure many turn out incredible essays. In a stable, loving home environment their illness can be managed. The strange pressures of college and communal living likely tip the balance.</p>
<p>I am not backtracking, the person I responded to had taken Hotpiece's story at face value, and was upset that I questioned the possibility of exaggeration. I still question the possiblity that she exaggerated some - listen to the tone of how she told her story, and think of your own kids telling you about their experiences, do you believe every single event is exactly how they perceive it? Also this is the Internet, not everyone is who or what they say they are.</p>
<p>Having said that, I do believe that Hotpiece is a young lady who had a very bad experience with a roommate - an experience that a student shouldn't have to have, the system didn't work. BUT, as Hotpiece points out in a later post, it is complicated, she feels that she and the other roomies did some "enabling" by not reporting all the disturbing behavior because they didn't want to tattle. That is a very natural and commendable response for young adults, that's part of handling it yourself - it just makes the overall situation complicated, because at this point it seems like a mistake to have allowed the disruptive roommate to get away with anything.
You know maybe this is where parents could be helpful, as a sounding board, assessing the "normalcy" of the situation, because we've all been there. Of course, the kids would never ask us, I never told my parents about my crazy roommates!</p>
<p>"listen to the tone of how she told her story, and think of your own kids telling you about their experiences, do you believe every single event is exactly how they perceive it?"</p>
<p>Not to get into the fray about hotpiece's story, but my son tends to understate the more sordid aspects of college life!</p>