UW short response essay

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Washington
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Can one of you give feedback on my UW short response essay? Im a pretty bad writer and would love ANY feedback. So now is your chance. Drop the flaming comments. :slight_smile:

Prompt:Our families and communities often define us and our individual worlds. Community might refer to your cultural group, extended family, religious group, neighborhood or school, sports team or club, co-workers, etc. Describe the world you come from and how you, as a product of it, might add to the diversity of the University of Washington.

Essay:Born in the US, I was raised in a multicultural community which exposed me to a plethora of experiences that made me who I am today. My beliefs about religion and my bilingual character have shaped the perspectives in which I view society.
America was founded on a Christian foundation. Many prestigious schools such as Harvard, Yale, began as Christian missionary schools. As a Chinese American, I was raised as a Christian with beliefs that not everyone has. In China, there are many regions that lack Christian ideologies and are instead filled with Buddhism and other religious beliefs. As the number of Chinese students rises to three thousand at the University of Washington, I want to use my beliefs to influence the student body in a positive way.
In addition, I would be the bridge that closes the language barrier between the Chinese and the Americans. I realize that it’s difficult traveling to the US without an extensive vocabulary of the English language, and I would communicate with my Chinese peers and figure out a solution to this dilemma. Coincidently, an international Chinese friend lives at my house during the weekends. During this time, I helped him improve on his writing and reading skills by assisting him in writing blogs and essays. Revising his essay drafts has improved my writing skills as well, giving me insight on multiple perspectives based on multiple cultures.
If accepted, I would do the same with other international Chinese students across the school. I would spread my beliefs and contribute to the diversity at this school as well as reduce the language gap between Chinese students and American students.

Thanks and have a wonderful day.

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How would you want to use your beliefs to positively influence the student body? Be specific!

Also throughout your essay, I might recommend talking about a specific story that shows something about how your heritage shaped you.

sorry for being so late, but you have a great essay here!

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Honestly, I’m also an international student from China and I’ve only been here for a year, but I have been speaking English since I was two. With that being said, even though I’m relatively new to States but I have no problem communicating in English. Of course, I wrote about helping other Chinese students too, but it’s definitely commonly written. I think you should write more about the multicultural environment you grew up in, because not everyone has that. Good luck with your application.