This incident and subsequent reading about such incidents on our college campuses has shaken me. May be I was too naïve to think these are rare but data suggests otherwise.
I have two kids (DS22 & DD24) who will be headed to college soon. Like most parents, I firmly believe that big responsibility lies on us to educate and have conversation with our kids regrading the dangers out there and how to do right things. I am looking for resources to have these conversation with my kids … Someone suggested “The Hunting Ground” show that I intend to watch with kids, clery report that talks in depth about what consent is… Are there any that folks here suggest? If its a documentary or show that will be great.
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The vast majority of these incidents involve excessive drinking. I believe guidance related to alcohol is the most valuable. Also, perhaps, a bit of perspective as an adult-they too are adults, now responsible for their own safety and well being, and should not rely upon others, including the college or upon random acts of kindness by bystanders for their own protection. If they wish to voluntarily incapacitate themselves, they can agree beforehand on exactly what a friend will do to intervene and override their actions.
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I can only recommend part 1. It’s graphic, but I think it should be required listening for every 18-year-old. It shows how 2 people can have a sexual encounter and one leave thinking it was great and the other thinking it was non consensual.
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Fresh off the press…no amount of alcohol is safe. College girls and guys, avoid drinking for the benefit of your own health. A side benefit of this is a huge reduction in risk of sexual assault.
“The portrayal of alcohol as necessary for a vibrant social life has diverted attention from the harms of alcohol use, as have the frequent and widely publicized claims that moderate drinking, such as a glass of red wine a day, can offer protection against cardiovascular disease,” said Monika Arora, a member of the WHF Advocacy Committee and co-author of the brief, in a news release. “These claims are at best misinformed and at worst an attempt by the alcohol industry to mislead the public about the danger of their product.”
https://www.cnn.com/2022/01/20/health/no-alcohol-good-for-heart-wellness/index.html
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So says “Beatriz Champagne.”
@Lord_of_Dings , I had my college kids read the Brock Turner chapter (college rape, intoxication) in Malcom Gladwell’s Talking To Strangers. It has a heavy focus on binge drinking, and consent (or lack thereof in this case). If I recall correctly, it may point out the value of knowing one’s drinking tolerance, either that or it made me think that it would be a good idea to advise my kids to try to figure that out (not necessarily as underage drinkers).
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Probably many students who go to residential colleges try to figure that out during frosh year at college parties, which could lead to a lot of trouble.
Right ^^. I think I mean a process of being very aware, like after x drinks I feel buzzed, after y drinks I start to lose control, etc…so they are counting and know what their limit is. Like I’m guessing most adults (who drink responsibly) do over time, they just know that number. And knowing some basics about alcohol consumption such as males vs females, empty stomach, the effects over time, stuff like that.
I don’t mean “I’m legal, I’m away from home, I can drink as much as I want so I’m going to and see what happens.” Which is probably more of the usual path. I guess maybe something like learning to drive…learn to drink (if you are going to drink) instead of just wing it. IDK, I’m just theorizing here. I had the conversations with my kids but none of us are big drinkers, and we don’t condone underage drinking at all.
At my daughter’s college, there was required orientation training on consent, and on alcohol consumption.
Yeah, that’s pretty provocative.
Other ideas:
Sextant
Steamer
Mail
Anchor
Choo Choo
My daughter and I are similar in size and I’ve let her know my recommended limits on numbers of drinks. We’re small people so she’ll need to be careful and sip slowly.
(This is not at all excusing the actions of the Vanderbilt rapist or any other rapist.)
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Just wanted to say thank you for posting this link. I got round to listening to the three part series and it is very enlightening.
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I have to really wonder if this girl didn’t have something slipped in to her drink. I’ve had too much to drink on a couple of occasions, and I was never so out of it, just very sick.
I know this is a problem in the UK at schools.
I have a very unpopular view. Don’t drink to the point of being unable to control your senses. No, I am not victim-blaming. Men should not rape. But every person must do everything practical to avoid become a crime victim. In my area, we have a lot of car thefts, and every single one is unlocked. Lock your damn car. I lock my house door every time I come home and leave the house. I don’t leave my suitcase unattended in an airport, or my laptop unattended in Starbucks. I keep my wallet in a zipped handbag, not in my back pocket. And I turn my ring around while on the subway. I don’t hitch-hike. And I don’t get so drunk that I lose control of my awareness. That’s not victim-blaming. It’s a mitigation measure.
Besides, what is the benefit of getting drunk to the point of losing control? Zero.
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Agree.
But note that it may be that many residential college frosh are quite naive about crime prevention, making them more vulnerable to becoming crime victims. Examples:
- Not knowing how alcohol affects them.
- Not being aware that sexual predators put drugs in others’ drinks to drug them into unconsciousness.
- Not being aware that theft is a bigger problem around many colleges than in the low crime neighborhoods that many students from high SES families grew up in.
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Sounds like colleges should be doing more than that are to address these issues rather than having their students learn from sad experience.
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It’s pretty ridiculous but women shouldn’t walk home alone at night either because there is a not insignificant chance that some man will try to attack her. That’s pretty horrible. Hopefully I have raised my sons to be decent human beings. I think I have.
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Entirely different issue. Irresponsible behavior doesn’t mitigate criminal sexual assault.
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Of course not. The drinking-till-you-pass-out behavior doesn’t make the criminal sexual assaulter any less responsible for the crime. Still, nobody wants to be assaulted, so it behooves one to take all reasonable measures to prevent assault. Certainly, not drinking until you pass out is one very important preventive measure. Just as not getting in a car with an intoxicated driver helps keep yourself safe.
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The moral of the story, binge drinking is irresponsible. You want to party? Great…have fun, but alcohol is not your friend. This is how alcoholism starts. Once you surrender control of yourself, don’t expect any good to come out of it. A situation like this makes it impossible to determine, much less, prove what actually happened. I’m not going to pass blame on either person. What happened…happened. But this kind of situation is absolutely avoidable in the future. Don’t go to those kind of parties. Avoid “friends” that pressure you to go to these parties. Keep your self-respect and find wholesome activities to do.
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