<p>When I read responses that begin with “I don’t want my child doing…” I can’t help but facepalm. </p>
<p>If they’re in college, they’re not children. They’re not your property. Get over it.</p>
<p>My DD, a sophomore who is taking a communications class this semester, is in the midst of preparing-researching and delivering 4 speeches on the various aspects of the minimum legal drinking age. Having listened to some of her preparations and research, I had begun doing some research of my own, when 2 related episodes caught my attention. </p>
<p>In our community, a local judge has been charged with over 20 misdemeanor counts of serving ETOH to minors and contributing to the delinquency of minors -kids were drinking in her basement after a holiday party for judge’s friends. All of the students attend a private school in the Atlanta area and are high school students except one college student facing charges who may also lose his baseball scholarship to a D1 school. The private school that the student’s attend is known for a fair amount of ETOH issues as well as drug problems. The school’s solution to the problem involves Saturday school, very limited if any suspension- and the kids with problems continue their drinking/substance abuse problems with little intervention. Then there is the recent incident during a Rush event at Wake Forest-see the Wake-Greek Life Entry at CC. There were so many students who were intoxicated with dangerously high BAC that 50% of the county’s EMS trucks were transporting students from Wake Forest to area hospitals for several hours. Think of the number of people in that metropolitan area whose own medical emergencies may have been compromised because of the foolish action of a group of college kids. </p>
<p>I attended college in the early 70’s and spent the first weekend at school at a party drinking 6 drinks of various types within 2 hours-within hours I was so sick that I spent the next day lying on the floor of my bathroom shaking- with what I realize now was probably alcohol poisoning. I was lucky that those 24 hours were the worst of my problems-but other kids are not so lucky. Do I want a police state for kids in college?-no. But I do think parents need to know when their children ( and yes they are our children) are engaging in behavior that is dangerous to not only their safety but the safety of others. </p>
<p>I have learned from my daughter’s research for her communication’s class that unlike kids in the 70’s, current college students eschew beer in favor of hard liquor and most of the those under 21 who drink in college are binge drinking. The consequences of binge drinking are truly frightening-not just from a personal health standpoint, but from a community violence perspective as well. There are many states where the cost incurred per person for underage drinking problems exceed the costs states spend for K-12 education.</p>
<p>So-yes-schools need to find a way to notify parents of alcohol violations-I think and hope most parents want a chance to help their sons and daughters make smart choices. I also believe we need to work to split the difference and lower the MLDA, but make the consequences for bad outcomes much stiffer in our legal system for more youthful offenders.</p>
<p>Quebec has an 18 yo drinking age. Take a moment to read this article and get the book referenced for more information. </p>
<p>[Drinking</a> outside the box](<a href=“http://www.mcgill.ca/reporter/38/01/drinking/]Drinking”>http://www.mcgill.ca/reporter/38/01/drinking/)</p>
<p>Georgiatwins, great comments and information. </p>
<p>I wish someone had told me about my son’s drinking problems at school. But as a private school they told us they had no obligation to discuss problems like excessive drinking with us as it was between them and the student, even though we paid the bills. BTW, my son never got in trouble at school for drinking even though it now seems plenty of people were aware of his problem. </p>
<p>I wish his advisor had told me that son came to class and meetings smelling of alcohol before he had to take a leave of absence from school. Knowing that now isn’t really news or information that’s helpful. I wish he’d asked S if he could do anything to help him. </p>
<p>My son is still alive. But it’s only because he called us and begged for help. He had hit the bottom. Maybe he needed to and maybe knowing of the severity of his problems earlier wouldn’t have helped. But I would have been better prepared for them. </p>
<p>I don’t think my son is my property. He is my son and I love him and want to help him. But I wish I’d been able to be involved before he had to be hospitalized for treatment.</p>
<p>Good post Tom – While he didn’t take me up on it, I strongly suggested that my S consider Canadian colleges. He’s not a big drinker, but he is very social. I just don’t want to worry about fines and permanent records for something this stupid. The idea that an American 18 -20 year old is an adult for all other purposes, but can’t have a beer, but can anywhere else in western civilization is unbelievable. </p>
<p>For some reason the concept of forbidden fruit falls on deaf ears. You will have the same problems if the drinking age is 18, 21 or 31. As evidence I offer the following: As a frequent traveler to Canada and Europe, I see dozens of 50 year old Americans stuffing boxes of Cuban cigars in their luggage or stopping by the cafes and red-light district of Amsterdam and giving Uncle Sam the perverbial middle finger - its the same forbidden fruit concept! You really want what you can’t have, and if you can finally get what you desire, you better take a lot of it because you don’t know when you might get more.</p>
<p>I have no illusions that law will change any time soon - absent a renewal of the draft. In this 24 hour news channel society, the first car accident involving an 18 -20 year old will be subject to non-stop “news chopper” coverage. No legislator has the gonads to stand-up for sanity and take on the WCTU (oops MADD).</p>
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<p>I thought that is what high school was for.</p>
<p>If the person is 18 and footing their own bill I don’t see why the parents have any right to know. They’re an adult and it’s their time to take responsibility.</p>
<p>If they’re an adult then why should their personal decisions be monitored by their parents? If it’s their time to take responsibility then they, not their parents, should be responsible for their decision to consume alcohol and when to stop.</p>
<p>What does notifying the parent do to help the situation at all? The parent is usually miles away from the student, its not like they can ground them or something. If a college kid wants to drink, they will. It’s not very hard to find alcohol and people who want to go out with you. So what do colleges expect to accomplish by telling parents about minor alcohol offenses?</p>
<p>Drinking, or at the very least encountering/being around drinking (tons of my friends who don’t drink still go to parties to meet people and dance), is almost unavoidable on a college campus. Whether you’re 22 and drinking at a college party or 19 and drinking at a college party there is the same chance of you going over your limit, yet one is legal and one is not. At my school we have medical amnesty which I think is a great idea. Basically if you are intoxicated or with someone who is intoxicated and you need medical attention/help and you turn yourself/your friend in to an RA or EMT or something, you will receive medical attention without any mark on your record and without parent notification.<br>
This is actually a great policy because it encourages kids to seek out help when needed and helps avoid horrible situations when intoxicated kids are trying to decide whether to take their friend to the hospital (and risk disciplinary action) or just try to take care of them themselves and hope for the best (often ending in death by alcohol poisoning and such)</p>
<p>No, UCDAlum, that’s not what high school is for. In high school, you still live at home. Your parents, for the most part, support you in such life areas as: meals, laundry, transportation, scheduling-decisions, etc. They probably also set/support/enforce at least some important boundary expectations (sex, drugs, alcohol). That is what high school is like for most kids. </p>
<p>Should their parents be coaching/guiding them toward increased independence in these areas during the high school years? Absolutely. But (sorry to break this to some of you late-teens/early-20s out there)…few people leave this environment during the summer of their 18th or 19th year, and overnight become mature, competent, responsible adults. It takes time. It takes experience. That’s what happens over the 4 years of college. What I’m suggesting is that parents should still be involved in that growth and maturing process, and they can’t do that if schools withhold critical information about serious problems their children may be having. You don’t need your parents breathing down your neck with inappropriate daily involvement. But the other extreme is equally unhealthy and arguably more dangerous.</p>
<p>Actually, high school is the perfect four years to wean children from providing all meal, doing laundry, providing rides to and from activities, and guiding their schedules to the point that they can do all of that themselves by senior year. It is not unreasonable to expect a 17 year old should be able to drive a car or navigate the public transportation system, shop for and cook a meal, do their own laundry, and make their own scheduling decisions. And setting boundaries such that a parent is right there in case they make a wrong decision while they are still at home is much kinder to the child than sending them off to college and hoping some one else watches out for them for you. Admittedly, teaching my child independence was not easy parenting. It’s hard to see them do stuff on their own that I could be doing for them. But you are right, they don’t become responsible, mature, competent adults over night. So if you want them to be mostly there before they head off to college you need to start working on those skills in high school.</p>
<p>It seems we agree that those skills should all be “works in progress” during the high school years. I think we part company over the question of the extent to which the child should be fully functional and responsible in these areas by age 18. And I maintain that colleges should share information with parents when their not-quite-fully-grown-up children are struggling with serious problems that have potentially grave consequences. That’s the main argument. Secondarily, the confidentiality policy makes no sense to me when the vast majority of college tuition bills are being footed by parents. As another CC parent so wisely said on another thread, “If my money’s involved…I’m involved.”</p>
<p>For those of you that missed this earlier in the thread, it is worth repeating…
Regarding VTech and violation of privacy, while you may not agree with their practice, in the state of Virginia it is legal. The fmr. Gov Warner passed legislation several years ago that allows parents to be notified. I do not remember all the specifics, you can google. However, that is why it is legal for VTech to notify parents.
Personally, I am not sure how I feel about it. I was at UVA yesterday where several freshman were stacking their bud-light cans in the window to show off to the tour group. Excellant! Several parents where shocked and horrified. I rather wanted to shake the parents and tell them to wake up! If you have a high school student more than likely they have already been faced with and made the decision if they will drink underage. This is every campus in america (with few exception). I don’t like it, wasn’t impressed, but wasn’t shocked. This is a conversation we have been having in our house for years. Don’t wait until your kids are headed out the door to have the conversation. When they are 18 is way too late. They may not be legal, but your days of teaching are way past. You are simply a guidepost and support.</p>
<p>I asked about this at a school that we looked- at THIS school- they ONLY call if it is dangerous to the student, a continuing problem or they are taken to the hospital-I don’t want to be called if mine is “caught” drinking b/c that is going to happen.</p>
<p>As long as parents are footing the bill, no matter who it’s addressed to, they have a right to know the kind of behavior their offspring are engaging in. When these kids/students are paying their own way, then they can do what they want and take responsibility for their actions; until then parents have every right to dictate what their expectations are.
Don’t be so naive to assume that all kids drink in college–they don’t! And even if they do, stacking beer cans in windows seems to be to be indicative of greater problems! Sorry---------</p>