<p>A good friend is very concerned that her sudden illness has made her high school rising sophmore "waste" her summer. The child had to cancel plans to take classes at a college to assist in her mother's business and at home. She also had to scale back training for her varsity sport. </p>
<p>As I see it, the child learned many skills and did not at all waste these months. She learned how to do the bookeeping and banking for her mother's business. She ran a major household including caring for a handicapped sibling. She helped her mother research surgery alternatives in several Countries! I think this is a remarkable 15 year old who stepped up to the plate and made a family and small business keep going. Her mom feels she failed this child and gotten her off track.</p>
<p>She is a highly intelligent, motivated child with top grades at a top private school. Is she off track?</p>
<p>I think that this concept that kids have to "do" something with their summers is over-emphasized here. It never occurred to mine to worry about that, and their summers were much more lightly scheduled than most people here think is acceptable (and went to good colleges.)</p>
<p>Assisting in her mother's business and helping her through surgery are truly admirable activities, and the idea of worrying about her being "off-track" is a little sad. I think your friend should put her energy into recovery and feel proud of raising a responsible, loving daughter.</p>
<p>I agree with Garland. Life sort of unfolds before you. Yes, you try to put yourself or your child in an orbit where they can be exposed to many personal growth opportunites. Having shouldered the responsbilities that this young lady did is a testament to her strength and character...it would make a wonderful personal statement. She would be a definite asset to the colleges she applied to.</p>
<p>NO, NO, NO - my DD's summers were not chockful - she went to camp for a week or two, but not after she started high school. She went to a summer program summer before senior year, mainly because I insisted she get a feel for living far from home before applying to college. Otherwise she traveled, went on the family beach vacation, and helped her schoolteacher Dad do things like make jelly and can tomato sauce - very laidback, we didn't realize we were supposed to have her doing other things, and she categorically refused to do TIP or anyother academic program she was qualified for.</p>
<p>I agree your friend should only be proud of her daughter, and the daughter might be able to write a good essay about the growing up experience of working the family business.</p>
<p>Agree with all of the above posters. While experiences such as CTY and the like may be wonderful, while some kids might want/need to take a summer school course... I don't think this young woman has missed a thing that really matters in life. And I don't know of any evidence that colleges prefer students with good summer "resumes" over other students based on that factor alone.</p>
<p>Where have we gotten to when a child who takes on responsibilities from an ill parent is considered wasting her time? Yikes!! There is more to life than college admissions, right? </p>
<p>As for being "off-track," this kid sounds right on track for a life full of loving, caring, and taking responsibility. And, incidentally, I believe colleges will recognize that as well.</p>
<p>I like CAngel's idea of an essay about the experience. </p>
<p>Kids don't "need" resume material every summer. That's what adulthood is for. Who wants to go to a college that would penalize a kid for not doing varsity sports over the summer and instead caring for a parent? What would the attitude of the college be if something happened to the daughter during her four years there - illness, accident, family disaster? </p>
<p>As an alumna interviewer, I can say that I would LOVE to hear something like that during an interview. I often ask what students do over the summer (heck, I scooped ice cream!), and there are clearly some very privileged kids who spent their summers building resumes. There are also other kids who didn't have that luxury - but spent it in (IMHO) more interesting ways, like working or going on retreats with religious groups or volunteering. Most alum interviewers are older than I am, but probably spent their summers in similar ways - helping out the family, watching little siblings, working at a deli, etc. I doubt she would be dinged there.</p>
<p>As OrangeBlossom said, this shows a lot about your friend's daughter - the responsibility she exhibited will make her very successful in whatever she chooses to do. I imagine that colleges spend a lot of time speculating over who will be a good student there - who will work hard, contribute to the campus (and surrounding town) community, will help her peers, and who will not spend all of her time drinking. A 15-year-old who can (happily!) take on those responsibilities will certainly be an asset. </p>
<p>PS - Congrats to the (somewhat) newlywed Kirmum! :) Best wishes.</p>
<p>Yeah, this is rather sad. Off track? I mean is every waking moment need to involve something you do to get ready for college or look worthy in that respect? I think summers should involve doing WORTHWHILE activities, not just laying on one's butt (ok, maybe week of that, lol). But does this mean the worthwhile activity must be some kind of summer program? Yikes, no. It could be ANYTHING. What this girl did is very valuable and in fact, like others said, not that this is necessary, but it is so worthy that it even would make a great personal essay about the responsibilities she undertook and the life experiences that were involved. Even if it is not a college essay, her activity here is extremely valid and shows much in terms of her personality and character and maturity. Colleges want PEOPLE, not just lists of academic this and that's. Her summer did not HAVE to be some college bound activity. It should involve something of meaning and worth and her summer surely was that. I think the same of a summer job. Colleges do not care if you did some academic summer program (my kids never did) but only that you have been engaged in worthwhile endeavors and this girl surely has been. It is not like she missed school here. </p>
<p>I can't picture concluding that she wasted a summer or lost out in terms of looking good on the 'ole college resume, sorry. Now, if she was hanging around at the mall and partying every night, that is a different question. If people think what she did was worthy of an essay, that says something right there. </p>
<p>I agree with all the posters above. Your friend's D has her priorities straight, and your friend should be proud of her, not worried about ruining her chances. I also hope she does not communicated this totally unnecessary anxiety to her D.</p>
<p>Thank you for the heartwarming responses. I wanted to have many opinions to send to my friend. She is truly not one of the crazy, pushy parents, but she fell very ill out of left field and feels guilt that she can not be the 100%, always on duty phenomenal single parent she has been for years. This woman is in bed with 3 phones making sure everything keeps going for these kids instead of resting. An intervention is planned and this will help!</p>
<p>Oh, Kirmum! I grew up as the kid of a single parent and know (a bit) about the Superman/woman thing they try to do. So, once more from the kid visitor to the Parent's Forum: it's really fine. I've spent a lot of time doing the big sister thing and have loved every second of it. I've seen the desire to almost be two parents - and it isn't necessary, not by a long shot. As a kid (okay, I'm in my mid-twenties), I would not mind some extra responsibility; when you see how hard everyone works for you, you want to do the same for them when you have the chance. </p>
<p>Soozie, NorthStarMom, and a few others - you also interview. What would your take be on a student who mentioned this in an interview? (I know that interviews don't count for a lot, but they are, IMO, great for getting out this type of information - those things that really show who a student is and ferretting out the really special ones.)</p>
<p>Aries, if this came up when I asked a student how she spent her summers, and she articulated what she had done and why and what it had meant to her, as well as to her mom, I'd be impressed. It would be memorable. </p>
<p>Also, I will reiterate that I do not care so much what the activity in the summer was as much as that there was one, that was worthwhile. It is the kids who answer....hung out with friends, went on a one week family vacation, not much else....those are the ones that sound unimpressive. </p>
<p>This young lady you speak of is a shining example of what more of our youth could be doing - investing her time and energy's where they are are truly needed - family comes first - and she (and her mother) should be very proud for the lessons she has learned and what this experience will provide for her in her future. Not a wasted moment this summer. Her unselfish acts will provide her with tools that many other of our youth will never experience - sadly. It is sad that so many feel that resume building is the only way to accomplish a college admission. This young gal has shown true leadership, compassion, and maturity IMHO - which is far, far, far more than many teens would ever consider doing.</p>
<p>I would certainly look on this girl in a much different light - she would 'stick in my gut' - at times doing what she has done is much more impressive than the kid who is trying to 'impress' with the resume building activities. </p>
<p>I would give this girl KUDDOS well beyond the 'other' stories that most college bound kids expound. She has alot on her plate at such a young age. And I agree - this is a wonderful essay in the making.</p>
<p>Kids don't need to be scheduled in resume building, or ANY activities every waking minute of their summers. I had one summer several years ago where we had THREE days all summer without some activity or trip scheduled. We all felt pressured and that was more of a wasted summer to me. Since then, we have all learned to allow for some down time to play, to laugh and think. Certainly, my kids still do a few summer activities, ONE class, ONE sport, a part time job. In retrospect, I guess that wasn't totally wasted because the kids and I all learned a valuable lesson!</p>
<p>I guess that was a little off topic, but I agree that the OP's friend's daughter was certainly not wasting her summer. How can choosing family over a class be a misplaced priority? I'd be concerned if family didn't come first.</p>
<p>Kirmum,
I will focus my answer on the mom.....since all the other posters have aptly addressed the daughter....your friend needs to be encouraged to have faith in her daughter.....that her daughter is a wonderful kid who has many tremendous abilities and character traits that appear to be innate......and that most of her work as a mom, shaping and developing her child is done....and she should look at who her daughter is and realize she can put her energy into herself. I do not know what her illness is...but your friend should pick her battles and her daughter's college application cycle is not a top priority. </p>
<p>The only thing in our life we can control is our attitude and I wish for your mom the ability to focus on the here, the now, the good and kindness of her daughter....and the faith that good things will happen. I think the underlying premise that this mom feels if only she hadn't been taken ill, everything would be "on track" is misguided. Everything is on track....her daughter is learning things about herself she may not have even known....her capacity to care, her capacity to anticipate... perhaps even the ability to slow down and sit and visit with her mom. This is the track that is intended at this time for her daughter... and more importantly, this mom needs to understand that accepting and receiving care and support from others is also a skill...and one she can teach her daughter herself. </p>
<p>I am not a single mom.....but I have been ill once....and I remember how much I was touched by the kindness of others....I was sooo self sufficient and all of a sudden most of my energy was in taking care of me....so, those friends who brought beautiful dinners over won a place in my heart forever....because they taught me to accept. I saw things differently after I was better....and I hope this mom can come to appreciate that her daughter's life is her daughter's life and while she can still influence it, her daughter is now behind the wheel, making excellent choices. There are no worries here about the daughter. This mom should be celebrating all her efforts that have resulted in such a great child....and have faith that her daughter will make a difference in life. Channel her worry and guilt into positive thoughts and attitudes and take care of her illness. In my opinion.</p>