<p>DS, finishing freshman year, was invited on a group backpacking trip in June to take place on the opposite coast from school. He wanted to go and we bought him a plane ticket. We just found out that the group (not sure how many but maybe about 5? of mixed gender) will be spending a few days at the end in a swank hotel in an expensive city. I know he doesn't have any money left so asked how this would happen. Turns out the father of the organizer is paying for the hotel. Apparently money is not an 'issue' for them, per DS. Also found out that this same father paid for the hotel for a trip they took last fall, which was also similarly pricy. At that time, since it was early in the year, DS did have money and I had assumed he'd paid for his share. The friend is an upper classman and it sounds like this occurred last school year also.</p>
<p>In addition to making sure DS thanks the father, I feel like I should do something? Suggestions?</p>
<p>When I was in college, I had a similarly wealthy friend. Whenever her parents treated us to something special, I wrote them a very nice thank you note. I think this is what your son should do…and I don’t mean email…I mean a REAL written thank you.</p>
<p>Yes, I was definitely planning on having him write a thank you note, from the probably untouched stack of thank you notes I sent with him last fall.</p>
<p>I was thinking that if I had footed the bill, it would be fine if the parent of the other kid sent a nice note with a small token, fruit basket equivalent. Maybe that is overkill in addition to the note from DS? We are talking 2 rooms, 3 nights for a total of 6 nights for this trip only. Equivalent amount from the last trip. More than most people would have points for…</p>
<p>I don’t think a gift would be expected, but it would be very nice if you wrote a personal note of thanks in addition to your son’s. I know it’s up to your son to do the real thank you, but the parent who underwrites the trip might appreciate that other parents at least recognize the generosity. You could express a hope that you could reciprocate the hospitality at your home in the future, or something like that.</p>
<p>A nice handwritten note with or w/o a token of appreciation does sound appropriate for the situation. I believe my kids DO write those when they have had amazing experiences due the generousity of others with greater resources. The rest of the time, it’s like pulling teeth to get them to write.</p>
<p>A simple thank you is enough. If I were the ‘treating’ parent, that is all I would want. I would not expect a hand-written thank you note but if I got one I would think “what a nice boy”. Getting a gift would be awkward. Please don’t do it.</p>
<p>Think of it as the equivalent of a ‘sleepover’ in high school. Your son is invited by a friend, and the friend’s house is a bit luxurious. Doesn’t matter. It is the fun times together that matter.</p>
<p>We have access to a plane and we will give my daughters friends rides home if she is taking the private plane, some kids don’t even SAY thank you let alone send a note, those are the ones that bother me the most. I’m not asking for much, just a verbal thank you. One family in the neighborhood sent their son (who got the ride) over with a fruit basket which was not necessary but nice. </p>
<p>For so many reasons a hand written snail-mail thank you note is perfect even if it’s only 3 sentences; that comes from the kid, a gift is more from the parents so is less necessary or impressive. And on a cynical note - leaving a positive impression on a wealthy friends parents may serve you well in the future, you never know!</p>
<p>A handwritten thank you note is fine. The fruit basket is nice but not necessary. </p>
<p>Re points. If the parents run a business, they may be racking up hundreds of thousands of dollars of points on Amex or similar cards yearly. This hotel bill may be nothing to them.</p>
<p>We’ve done things like this before, over the years.</p>
<p>I don’t expect anything in return. I make the offer if it’s something I want to do. If my D asks me to do it and I do it? I expect HER to thank me. </p>
<p>As for everyone else, I wouldn’t offer if it wasn’t my pleasure. A nice thank you note is fine. I’ve recieved a few emails. Whatnot.</p>
<p>Now, put the shoe on the other foot and I would be furious with my daughter if she didn’t write a note. But I don’t care what other people’s kids do. YMMV</p>
<p>As someone who has often treated our Ds’ friends through the years, we do it without expecting anything in return but a nice handwritten thank you note is appreciated more than you could imagine, and you would be surprised how many kids never do this! A gift is not necessary.</p>
<p>I don’t actually send a fruit basket to anyone :D</p>
<p>My latest ‘gift’ for anyone who already has everything (which I suspect would include this friend’s parents) is to make a donation in their honor to an international charity. The one I am using this year is:</p>
<p>but in previous years, I have also used Heifer International, Kiva, etc.</p>
<p>As it turns out, this trip is costing me a pretty penny. Not just the cross country airfare, but getting him set up with the stuff he needs for the backpacking (shipping it out from home plus buying hiking boots, raingear etc), and what he will spend in fancy town for a few days etc. is not negligible. </p>
<p>Oh well. He worked hard and did well this year so that’s our gift to him. The biggest sacrifice is since he has a summer job at school and will be taking 11 days off in early June for the trip, he won’t be coming home for break :(</p>