We're picking up the pieces, but what went wrong?

Parents Forum
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<p>WOW...What a saga.</p>

<p>I just have one thing to add...Andi, if your son takes a year off and plans to reapply to colleges, I suggest he add another dimension to his resume - community service or some type of self-starter "hook" to give him a boost. </p>

<p>If he's a good writer, have him tell his tale (later when the wounds are healing) or have him tutor kids in piano at the local Y. </p>

<p>I know that sounds cheesy, but in many respects, that's the name of the game in the college admission process.</p>

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<p>Given my son's strange record we envisioned that he might not be successful in any of his applications. So we included in our list a school with later admit dates that would be acceptable for a year, and put him in a position to transfer if necessary. This was the University of Hawaii Monoa (<a href="http://www.hawaii.edu/academics/admissions/manoa.html)%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.hawaii.edu/academics/admissions/manoa.html)&lt;/a>. It is a beautiful campus and has a May 1 admissions deadline. We reasoned that he could have a good year in paradise, work hard, and transfer the following year. (A friend of his at school turned down a CC top private Univ. for UHawaii.) We did not end up needing it, but that was our back-up plan.</p>

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<p>idad, D was looking over one of our guidebooks tonight and saw that I had marked U Of Hawaii at Hilo. She said, "Dad, what's up with this school? It doesn't have squat for stats." I told her I wasn't interested in stats. She said ,"since when?". I laughed and told her "since I was picking a school for me, not you". </p>

<p>I think you had a great plan. What a gap year that could be!! Except, hmmmm....what happens when they don't want to leave after their year? LOL.</p>

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<p>My son was looking at the schools a couple of years ago and saw the music scholarships etc. It's the only place I told him that it just wasn't right. ;) Get your degree and then get a job there. One of my friend's son did just that. Passed through Honolulu on a trip home from Asia, told his parents at that time that he would be living here in the future, graduated from college and now has a job there teaching and is in heaven.</p>

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<p>Idad, your backup plan reminds me: the year my son applied to college, we were still getting solitations from Barrett Honors at Arizona State well into April -- he had that because of his National Merit status. So that's another option for someone who misjudged safeties -- presumeably because of impressive stats of their own. I also know that ASU does have some particular strengths as far as music programs, but I don't know details of that. But that's definitely one more that's worth looking into. I just checked their website - the application deadline is May 31st...... I'll bet Barrett picks up a lot of kids who are in this predicament.</p>

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<p>Some of the Canadian Universities seem to have later application dates - for example, the University of Victoria's is April 30. Looks kind of cool - large international component. The us/canada exchange rate makes it more affordable (less unaffordable???) for us south of the border.</p>

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<p>Not perfectly apropos, but check out this link, Andi:</p>

<p><a href="http://www.boston.com/news/education/higher/articles/2005/04/10/not_accepted_not_the_end_of_the_world/%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.boston.com/news/education/higher/articles/2005/04/10/not_accepted_not_the_end_of_the_world/&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

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<p>I'm jumping into this late in the game, but I did want to add my two cents, with the experience of my child and some of my friends' children.</p>

<p>First of all, I am very sorry about what happened to your son. It has to hurt. But you, the parent, need to look for the silver lining in the cloud, and make it hurt less. In my book, that is a gap year abroad.</p>

<p>My child attends a school where 75% of the class do a gap year abroad, regardless of whether or not they got into the colleges of their choice. My child is abroad right now. All I can say it that it has been the most enriching year of my child's life. I have never seen my child happier.</p>

<p>In my child's graduating class, there were children that were denied admission into the colleges of their choice. These children are doing their gap year abroad, and most reapplied to college EA this past fall. I think a large percentage of these did did get accepted into the college of their choice when they reapplied from abroad.</p>

<p>A gap year abroad does not have to be expensive. My child is volunteering, and I pay a nominal fee for room and board. The airfare is expensive, but its a drop in the bucket compared to college tuition. There are also scholarships available. We are a middle class family, and money is a definite factor in all of our decisions. I gave my child guidelines of what we were willing to pay ($300 a month maximum for housing). We all did extensive research, and managed to find a volunteer program in the country of our choice where a student/volunteer could live with this budgetary constraint.</p>

<p>Take your situation, and make something positive out of it. There are plenty of places in the world where your son would be welcomed with open arms. Off the top of my head, I'm thinking that any of the countries hit by the tsumani this past December would bless your son if he would offer his assistance helping them to rebuild their lives. I think it would be the most rewarding experience of his life. And if/when he reapplies to college in the fall, he will certainly have the benefit of experience to write about.</p>

<p>(NB: This worked for MY child. I'm offering it as a suggestion because it worked for my child. The goal is to find somethinig for your son to do next year that will make him happy, and provide an enriching experience for him. That could be some volutneer program in America, also)</p>

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<p>Mommy - Could you provide some details about how you and your child (and other kids at your child's school) go about planning a gap year? Are you overseas or in the U.S? Any specific organizations or info. resources you've found particularly helpful? Did your child apply and then defer to a college? Any details would be welcome. My daughter and I have talked several times about a possible gap year but the options and cost seem overwhelming.</p>

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<p>cookie--I got off a waitlist too-- in August--after I had been to State U orientation and met my roommate! Ya never know andi....</p>

<p>Funny thing, when the school called, I was so insulted I nearly hung up on the adcom. The assistant Dean jumped on the phone and cut the call short saying he would call back in a week. A week later, I had cooled my jets and answered in the affirmative. :)</p>

<p>Sugee: I lived in the East Village, alphabet city, for a couple of years and it really is that--a village. If any neighborhood has laid back qualities--it is the East Village. No one cares where you live or what you wear. It is the epicenter of tolerance. </p>

<p>By the time he gets to sophomore year, he will be well tuned in to the apartment availabilty scene. Don't worry about that.</p>

<p>There are heaps of cheap eats and thrills. The East Village is a college student's idea of heaven--if you ask me.</p>

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<p>Carolyn,
We are Jewish. We knew we wanted our child to be in Israel for the gap year. So we just researched volunteer programs in Israel. In Israel, there are many such programs, ranging from working on a kibbutz to helping children at risk to working in hospitals to helping to rebuild the lives of the victims of terror. There is no shortage of programs to choose from, we just narrowed it down to programs where housing was provided. </p>

<p>We live in the US, in the Northeast. My child applied to college and was accepted. We then informed the college (a cc top 25) of our child's intentions to defer for a year. Most colleges are happy to comply with a request to defer for a year, so long as the kid is doing something meaningful (e.g slumming on the beach is not an option). </p>

<p>If you were interested in volountering abroad, I would probably just pick a country and google something like "volunteer << country name here >>". </p>

<p>I would also try the International Red Cross. In Israel, the Red Cross has a terrific program that trains kids to be the first responders to trauma. It costs around $400.00 for around two months, and they provide housing for you as well as training. Its very popular with kids that plan to go on to medical school. </p>

<p>One other thing that I would do is to try to find a country where they are doing archeoligical digs. They need voulnteers. It does cost money to volunteer on a dig, but again, housing may be provided. </p>

<p>Lastly, if housing is not provided, there are often young internationals looking for roomates. An apartment may cost $2,000 per month, but if there are four roomates, the cost to you becomes $500 per month.</p>

<p>Try to pick a country where you have an emotional and cultural connection, and start from there. And while I can't speak from experience, my gut would tell me that a modern country in Europe is not going to have too many options. I think that if I were really interested, I would start with Indonesia or Thailand. They were hit by the tsunami, and need help.</p>

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<p>Unless an individual is already affiliated with a specific aid organization then it is unlikely they will have success getting into Aceh. The needs are very specific, the Indonesians are capable of doing all the manual work. While it is a terrific sentiment, the hassles involved in trying to make it work make it a non-starter for most kids. To begin with, you need to renew your visa every month and to do that you have to leave the country, unless you have a work visa (which most volunteers wouldn't).</p>

<p>I would stick to organizations that deal with young adults and have established pathways, for a HS graduate. My 1st cousin's daughter taught English in China and then worked in an ophanage in Nepal last year during her gap year, all well organized, though she still had to be mighty resourceful!</p>

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<p>I think Scotland would be the piece de resistance, but have you looked into St John's? they might still be accepting. Very interesting school, at least on paper.</p>

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<p>St John's, Annapolis, is interesting in person also....beautiful campus, location and great that it is so close to DC and all the college life that is there also.</p>

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<p>Cheers,</p>

<p>I visited Cooper yesterday. You are right. The area is terrific. Lots of kids milling around, may be because NYU is also close by. I wish I could shift there. If my second son were not in HS, I would have considered moving. Afterall we live in a rented apartment in NJ. (My husband's work-place is only a 10 min subway ride away from Cooper in downtown. I could commute to my work in NJ, which is near New Brunswick. Well, if S2 also decides to go to Cooper I might do it !!)</p>

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<p>Hey, Sugee, congrats on a decision (looks like your son made a decision)!! Cooper is a wonderful school and your son is getting a great deal!! Wow!! Congrats, again!!</p>

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<p>IMO your son probably would have the best volunteer opportunity if he looked around his community or nearby communities and created an opportunity for himself that served a need that he felt strongly about.</p>

<p>I don't suggest volunteering abroad unless your S has a very strong interest in doing this in some foreign country. If his reason for wanting to volunteer abroad is in hopes of impressing adcoms, IMO, he'd be better off doing something locally. Adcoms are jaded when it comes to young people volunteering abroad because in many cases, the young people are kids of well heeled parents who send their kids on such opportunities simply to impress adcoms.</p>

<p>What's more impressive is when a young person sees a need locally and then creates an opportunity to address that need.</p>

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<p>I've heard that the volunteer abroad programs that charge fees to participate are called "purchased poverty." Don't know if that's how adcoms view it, but it's a catchy little phrase.</p>

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<p>Those programs are constantly panned here, so I'm wondering if anyone had a good experience with one. I have a son who's heart really is in community service and he's been asking to build houses in another country.</p>

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<p>I don't think that there's anything wrong with doing community service abroad. My family even has done so. I have also encountered a variety of h.s. students who have done such work, and who seem to have offered genuine help to a community, and to have experienced a great deal of personal growth.</p>

<p>My reservations about such programs are when a student or parent assumes that such volunteer work will open the door to elite colleges. That simply isn't true. That's because places like HPYS are far more impressed by programs that students actually create themselves -- not programs that students simply pay to participate in or that they are lined up with by relatives who live abroad.</p>