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<p>I am really glad to hear this. Good luck!</p>
<p>"Iād say that our country is learning, in a huge, wake-up-call kindaā way, that a job doesnāt define you and neither does money. We pay a huge price for making the mistake of thinking that what we āDOā equals our worth as human beings. And we place a heavy burden on those who, for whatever reason, donāt follow the script. "</p>
<p>Well- sure, but isnāt it wonderful when you meet someone who completely and totally is devoted to their work? A physician who reeks of expertise and competence and empathy? A religious leader or counselor who can really feel your pain and advise appropriately? An auto mechanic who takes pride in completing a complicated task with mastery? A teacher who lives to teach? The guy who works in my local liquor store is a wine expert. Buying a bottle of wine is really a joy when heās in the store- he can talk about Argentina and California and grapes and humid summers and god knows what- and customers love him for making a simple transaction really fun and inspiring. And you can spend $10 and 10 minutes and walk out in a good mood.</p>
<p>Itās so easy to check out and decide that society is corrupt for judging people on the basis of what they do and how much they earn. But spend time with someone lucky enough to have found their calling in life and I think you feel differently about it.</p>
<p>OP- I know plenty of people with ADD, ADHD, and more severe neurological disorders who have found both compensating and coping mechanisms. I once worked with a salesman at a big company who was one of the top earners there; he was so dyslexic his secretary didnāt think he could read. If you handed him a chart or a document that he needed to review heād smile and invite you into his office and say, āWhy donāt we talk this through and you can help me understand whatās behind the numbers?ā. It took me a while to realize he simply couldnāt understand an excel spreadsheet.</p>
<p>He was beyond gifted with people. Warm, empathetic, never forgot a name or a face, interested in your dog or why your mom hadnāt started physical therapy yet for her broken leg. He was the proverbial 'Sell Ice to the Eskimos" kind of guy. I think most people in large corporations are used to being called on by very buttoned-up, highly analytical sales people (think IBM in its hey-day) having someone like this who was so warm and such a great listener was a real pick me up. And his sales reflected that. Iām sure people signed contracts with him for all sorts of services their companies probably didnāt need just because you got to hammer out the details with Mr. Ace sales rep over coffee (small deal) or dinner (big deal) or golf weekend (mega/global deal). And he was fun to be with.</p>
<p>So I think itās never too late to find oneās bliss, and for sure, never too late to get a handle on your sonās issues and help him find his path.</p>
<p>My son was tested by a psychologist who after spending quite a number of hours testing and talking with him stated that my son liked and did well in things that were quick and dirty. He referred us to a psychiatrist who worked with my son on getting the right medication and also on finding his passion. He was an untraditional therapist. His feeling was many kids with ADD and LD begin around middle school to think they are stupid and that something is wrong with them. He helped my son find his passion and to face his fears. He also was a fan of finding these teens a mentor in the area of their passion. Often the mentor has had similar issues.
One major problem we have had with two ADD kids is that they donāt like how the medication makes them feel. My S felt it took away his creativity and much of who he is. I think part of that is that it curbs impulsivity. For my son his impulses usually got him into trouble but my S felt they were an important part of him. My S started meds in late 9th grade. He used them through HS. He used them off and on his first and 2nd year of college. He eventually on his own decided to stop. His grades have suffered but he feels he is happier. In my opinion he would have a much better push in the job search if he was medicated.
Meds arenāt a quick fix. One benefit of testing even if you donāt chose to medicate is that your S will have an answer to why he does the things he does. It also will help down the line if he ever wants to try to get extended time on the SAT.
Also know that the quality of the testing can vary. Private testing is expensive but in some areas preferably over the public school testing.</p>
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<p>Even though I said Iām okay with seeking an āedgeā for him, I would probably feel a moral compunction against doing that since he, like me, seems to have no trouble with standardised tests anyway. (I took the SAT in addition to the ACT that most people in the Midwest take, just because I enjoyed those tests, LOL.)</p>
<p>Forgive me if I repeat others, but I just noticed this thread and do not have the time or patience to read every post. Speaking as both a clinical psychologist and the parent of a high school student who just began medication for AD/HD (without hyperactivity), I would like to make a few comments:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>It is improper to try to diagnose AD/HD based on a posting. There are too many important questions to be answered, particularly in relation to other possible issues/problems/diagnoses that may be responsible or contributing to the symptoms described. </p></li>
<li><p>That being said, there is frequently a genetic component to AD/HD, and the particular symptoms you and your son share seem to point in the direction of AD/HD, although as I said a thorough assessment is necessary.</p></li>
<li><p>Posters who seem to feel that the OP and his son need to just ālearnā to be different by getting a jobā¦etc. are not only unhelpful, but are also missing the point by treating this as if it is a āchosenā way of functioning. Regardless of what the reason for behaviors described, I think the OP owes it to himself and certainly to his son to explore all options and then make an informed choice. What is the harm in meeting with a psychologist or psychiatrist and factoring his/her input into your thinking? Why shut off any option without exploring it?</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I will speak from my personal experience with my son now. He has always been an excellent student, well-behaved, happy-go-lucky and sociable. It wasnāt until he got to high school that he began to struggle to continue to do well. In his case, he never had to study before, but now because of all of his honors classes he did need to study and discovered he couldnāt focus long enough or effectively. Even when he did know the material, he found it impossible to concentrate on the longer tests (the h.s. operates on a block schedule, so the periods are much longer than m.s.). He was becoming extremely frustrated. Luckily, he and I and one of his teachers all started to realize what was going on at the same time. He was evaluated and clearly fit the criteria for the inattentive subtype of AD/HD (absence of hyperactivity). I wasnāt surprised, because my brother was diagnosed ten years ago at age of 40. He is an extremely high achieving, bright, and successful lawyer who made it through college and law school with flying colors due to his intelligence, but not without extreme disorganization, procrastination etc. He was equally successful in his law career because he always relied on his secretary to help organize him. He finally went to a psychiatrist because his disorganization and lack of focus was affecting his marriage. He is now on medication as is my son. Both have experienced huge improvements in their lives. The difference between my son on medication and off is like night and day when it comes to focusing and learning material. He doesnāt take medication every day-- if he knows he doesnāt have to study a lot or take a test he skips. </p>
<p>My son chose to try medication and Iām glad I gave him that choice. What could have become an ongoing issue was literally nipped in the bud. I hope that OPās son is also consulted and given the choice as to how to proceed. If he is in high school he is certainly old enough to have input into these decisions rather than having them be made solely by one or both of his parents. </p>
<p>As an aside, my older son is in a very academically challenging university. He too, has the same symptoms (as do I), but not as pronounced. He is able to cope with his symptoms, so he will not need any type of intervention (at least not at this point in his life).</p>
<p>I donāt want to imply that everyone should be on medication. My son is lucky in that the only side effect he experiences is that he isnāt hungry during the hours the medicine is working, but he still manages to eat three good meals. </p>
<p>Also, individuals who have AD/HD without hyperactivity often donāt realize until they are older because it is usually the hyperactive behavior that parents and teachers notice. The disorganization and lack of focus is either not noticed or is attributed to the ālazinessā and ālack of will powerā being discussed.</p>
<p>interested10, you state that it is improper to diagnose based on a posting, yet you judge other posters for giving their ideas based on your diagnosis of the OP. Even if the OP or his son would meet some clinical diagnostic definition, might there not be helpful <em>actions</em> he or they could take in addition to/instead of/or beyond swallowing pills? This is probably what quite a few posters here are getting at ā what else can be done. Now letās say the OP doesnāt meet the clinical diagnostic definition, should no one try to offer up ideas they feel would be helpful?</p>
<p>To add to interested10ās excellent post -</p>
<ol>
<li> My late-teenage son was recently diagnosed with ADD, also without the hyperactivity. One reason that it took so long for us to get him to a psychologist and get the diagnosis is that lots of teenage boys are disorganized and unfocused, and so he was very similar to many of his friends in that way. Especially since he is not hyperactive.</li>
<li> Probably my biggest regret in not getting an earlier diagnosis was the damage that his self esteem took as he struggled with his school performance. He had begun to think that he didnāt have the innate ability to do well in school, when it was the poor organization and lack of focus that were the real problem. He saw the āDā for a grade in the AP class as the measure of his ability, and getting a ā4ā on the AP exam for the same class wasnāt enough to persuade him that he had the intellectual chops to be successful.</li>
<li> He is seeing a psychologist, and also is taking medication. The medication is helping but has not been a cure-all. Over time, he has developed a lot of counterproductive mental habits that the psychologist is working to help him overcome. Two steps forward, one step back.</li>
</ol>
<p>Iād advise the OP to get his son evaluated as soon as feasible, so if ADD is the issue it can dealt with before the problem compounds.</p>
<p>Deborah T.-- I reread my post and can see why you thought I was diagnosing. I was intending to say that the description sounded like it might be consistent with AD/HD, and I wanted to give a personal experience with this, if it was in fact AD/HD. Sorry about the way it came out. I never said that I thought medicine was the only way though, actually I specifically said it wasnāt. After struggling so long, and now seeing his son struggle, I just really believe that talking to a professional should also be one of the options.</p>
<p>I hear you, interested10. </p>
<p>Interesting point from delamerās post:
āOver time, he has developed a lot of counterproductive mental habits that the psychologist is working to help him overcome.ā</p>
<p>Some of what I think discussions like this one can be helpful for is starting to identify habits like this and roadblocks where an individual is shooting himself or herself in the foot. Just like the psychologist is helping delamerās son work on overcoming counterproductive mental habits, posters here are trying to help a person figure out what he can tackle to effect change.</p>
<p>Smart, but lazy kids will end up ruling the world. No need to worry about them.</p>
<p>donāt think so</p>
<p>Sometimes dumb, lazy ones do surprisingly well.</p>
<p>A lot of dumb ones around here do quite well following their dad into banking or business.</p>
<p>Maybe theyāre not so dumb after all.</p>
<p>Get off your ass and you should be all goodā¦</p>
<p>ā¦ and donāt pull the ADD card</p>
<p>Oh, MLD, where were you on page one of the threadāyou could have saved me so much time! Thank you for your valuable insight and sagacious advice.</p>
<p>On a more serious note: </p>
<p>I have read some mentions of memory issues with ADHD-I. Obviously it takes a pretty good memory to know the information the ACT and SAT ask for; but Iāve always been absent-minded about every day stuff. In the past two or three years, though, Iāve found it more impacting on my knowledge of ātriviaā to the point that while I used to watch Jeopardy and enjoy it greatly, I had to give up watching the show entirely because I find it too frustrating. </p>
<p>But then today, I experienced something I never have before. I was reading an article, and it kept mentioning Steve Buscemi as though that would be a household name, and it just didnāt ring a bell to me. āLast name sounds Italian, so with the first name Steve it must be an Italian-American guy.ā I was picturing a sort of musclebound Jersey Shore type. So I actually Googled the name, and then I was like, oh.</p>
<p>For some perspective here, my wife and I have been for several months making every other disc from Netflix a Sopranos disc so I can try to get her through to the finale before she reads something that ruins it. Buscemiās storyline ended a couple discs ago, but I remember noticing, and commenting to her, that Buscemi directed an episode on the most recent disc we had last weekend.</p>
<p>And of course, thereās the fact that Iām a film buff (and a fan of quality, ācinematicā television), and IMDB lists 24 roles Iāve seen him play. Several of them are in productions I would consider creme de la creme (Sopranos, Reservoir Dogs, Mystery Train, Fargo, Millerās Crossing); others were memorable roles in modest but enjoyable indie flicks like Things to Do in Denver When Youāre Dead, Ghost World, Ed and his Dead Mother, Living in Oblivion and (lowest key of all but keenly observed) Trees Lounge, which he also wrote and directed. (Con Air and Armageddon were admittedly blots on his record, but memorable for being such.)</p>
<p>Now his CV is all familiar again, but a few hours ago I had to Google his name. On some level I have to wonder: was that person doing the Googling really me? Very very disconcerting. Does it sound like something that could be related to the ADHD-I? Or am I just getting old?</p>
<p>Guess you havenāt got HBO to watch Steven Buscemi in Boardwalk Empire, for which he won a Golden Globe in 2010 as Best Actor in a Dramatic Series. He was also recently on that genealogy showāWho Do You Think You Areāheās a great actorā¦loved him on the Sopranos.</p>
<p>Order of likelyhood</p>
<p>1.) You had a brain fart
2.) Youāre getting old
3.) You were sleepy
.
.
.
n-1.) You have ADD
n.) Aliens arre stealing your memory</p>
<p>ānā is a good one, thoughā¦would you mind if I use it on occasion?</p>
<p>OP - Hereās an idea to get buy-in from your ex regarding possible AHDH diagnosis for son. If the diagnosis/meds/treatments makes a true difference in your life, it may open her eyes. Best of luck!</p>
<p>Curious how your son is doing now? I have a smart but lazy son too. Spent 3 weeks at top university, did no work, dropped outā¦luckily before he failed out. Wants to go back but i donāt see him changing his ways. Now I told him to get a job. He depressed now, knows he messed up. Heās got some ADD for sure. This summer I put him at Landmark summer program to help his study skills but he quit that too because he felt it was stupid and he was too smart for itā¦That may be true. His problem isnāt ability, its lack of motivation maybe or follow through. He did great in school with classes that he could handle without working, heās so smart so those included honors classes but when he took the AP classes, he didnāt put in the time to get decent grades. He wound up dropping some, and getting a C in another. At home, heād be happy playing video games all day. The sad thing is for the month he was at school he was happy, joined clubs, enjoyed being on his own but he did no work at all, and for a week didnāt even go to class. He never picked up his letter from the office of disabilities, never used the learning resources at the school.
He says heāll change, wants to go back, but I donāt see how he can suddenly become a āstudentā.</p>