Remember that the N-Word ultimately derives from Latin, meaning quite simply, Black. From the beginning, the word was used negatively because the people using it where White imperialists who saw Africans as property to be owned, sub-human animals to be degraded. The word has been mostly negative, but remember that it ultimately comes from the Latin, and literally means “Black”. Every other social and cultural definition of the word was given to the word by people using it negatively.
Why does this matter? Because it is a fundamental principle of linguistics that words change depending on the context and intent of the speaker. If I’m hungry and ask my Mom for some saltine crackers, completely harmless. If I refer to White people as such, it is a racial epithet. The meaning of words vary. Look up any word in a reputable dictionary, and you will find tons of meanings. It is pretty ridiculous to argue that whenever I use a word, I use every single nuanced definition of that word.
So yes, the N-Word does have negative nuanced definitions depending on the context of the content and intent of the speaker. But it also has positive, nuanced definitions. Among African-American friends, it’s use connotates camaraderie, friendship, brotherhood, etc. I think to claim that Black friends who call each other the N-Word endearingly are in the same class as slave owners is not only offensive, but is stupid.
A word about reclamation. I think its really interesting that a lot of people are against reclamation of words by minority communities (Black people), but not White people. Fundamentally, reclamation is the process of a group taking a negative word and giving it newer, positive contexts. When Black teenagers use the N-Word, for instance, they are adding a new positive definition to a word that, as I mentioned early, was originally a neutral descriptive term. Therefore, White people who use the N-Word are also appropriating it, from a neutral term to a negative term. To argue that this is legitimate, but not the other way around, is to argue that White people’s branding of certain words is more legitimate than the minority communities (i.e. When White people use the N-Word negatively, it becomes irredeemably negative).
Finally though, remember that Black people are not a monolithic group. Anybody who says they have the answer for all Black people is inherently suspect to me, because not all Black people seek the same answer. I do not personally use the N-Word, but it is not my business what other Black people do.