What can a kid do when their parent will NOT fill out a FAFSA?

Paying for College
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<p>My sons have a friend whose dad refuses to fill out a FAFSA. </p>

<p>His reasoning is that he is trying to force his kid to enter the military because he doesn't think he'll be successful in college. </p>

<p>The kid is smart and just really needs to get out from under his dad's thumb, but he has no interest in the military.</p>

<p>I'm trying to help him figure out options for college, but he can't even get student loans unless his dad will fill out the FAFSA.</p>

<p>He currently is unemployeed, but is looking for a job. He may need to move out of his house soon and does have some family he can live with.</p>

<p>But what are his options if he can't convince his dad to fill out the FAFSA?</p>

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<p>This is one of those when the phrase “There ought to be a law against this!” comes immediately to mind. Prompty followed by “There have got to be other instances where unfortunate students have been saddled by the intrasigence of their parents.”</p>

<p>There must be an answer, but it may require a signed affadavit that the parent refuses to fill out the form and will the a**hole sign that even?</p>

<p>Talk to a HS or college counselor pronto.</p>

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<p>Yes, I totally agree that there ought to be a law!!!</p>

<p>I wish that they could just pull the parent info from the IRS and be done with it. After all, if they won’t fill out the FAFSA then it’s a no-brainer that they wouldn’t contribute anything.</p>

<p>He can’t even have his mom exert pressure because she died a few years ago.</p>

<p>And the thing is, if he could get student loans he could easily pay for community college in the town where he’s got some family he may be living with.</p>

<p>Makes one want to beat their head against a wall.</p>

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<p>If parents could just refuse to fill out the FAFSA then everyone could potentially get a ton more in financial aid. That’s why there’s no law against it.</p>

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<p>Often there’s more to the story like the parent didn’t file taxes…</p>

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<p>There is a special circumstance situation that can allow a student to receive unsub loans when the parent refuses to file the parent portion of the FAFSA. The best option would be for the prospecive student to talk to the Financial Aid Office at the Community College he is thinking of attending to see whether he would qualify. It is not a dependency override and there are several regulations that apply to this, but it is one of the first smart steps Congress has taken to address financial aid for students whose parents decide to pull the plug on their dreams.</p>

<p>More information is provided here: <a href=“http://www.tgslc.org/shoptalk/2009/st486/st48601.cfm#reauth[/url]”>http://www.tgslc.org/shoptalk/2009/st486/st48601.cfm#reauth&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

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<p>I’d be very surprised if any recruiter would sign a kid under duress - what is this guy thinking?! Perhaps if kid and dad went together to get more info, it would help clarify things. I know school’s out now, but could the HS GC help talk with the dad? They generally know the local recruiters who come into the schools and might be able to set him straight on that point anyway.</p>

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<p>I’m not sure what the dad is thinking. The boy turned 18 at the end of February and his dad told him that as soon as he turned 18 he had to move out. Wouldn’t allow him to get a job, but said he’d have to move out unless his grades improved. I didn’t get that one…you can’t forbid your kid to get a job and then say, “Okay, you’re on your own.” (The dad didn’t end up kicking him out at that point though. The kid might have been better off if he HAD been kicked out then.)</p>

<p>I doubt that it’s that dad didn’t file taxes.</p>

<p>The dad, according to the school psych I’ve been in contact with, has a love-hate relationship with the school. He talks a good line, but then turns around and gets mad at the school for ‘interfering’. I guess the school called him a few times about work the kid hadn’t gotten done and the dad got peeved…but when the kid wanted to be ‘responsible’ for himself and NOT have the dad called once he turned 18 the dad wouldn’t agree to that either. Just totally mixed messages happening.</p>

<p>The kid ended up NOT having enough credits to graduate, but just completed summer school so he can get his diploma now.</p>

<p>At this point I have advised him to defer getting his diploma and check out his options fully before accepting his diploma. Another kid who graduated with my sons has deferred his diploma and will be attending two years at the local vocational school before potentially going off to college, which is what gave me the idea to tell this boy to defer his diploma for the time being.</p>

<p>Nik - I will tell him that. I’ve already told him to call the community college AND the vocational school in the town he may end up living in with relatives (because now that he’s completed his graduation requirements his dad says he needs to get out of the house.)</p>

<p>And while I certainly DO understand why it’s hard to get aid if a parent refuses to fill out the FAFSA (because otherwise a lot of parents would just refuse to fill it out) it’s still maddening because there are kids out there who really do need to get away from a bad situation. And if the parents won’t be even slightly cooperative then the kid is stuck.</p>

<p>This poor kid. He lost his mom back in Junior High. Not long after that his older sister was diagnosed with the same disease his mom died of. She did okay for a while, but died right during finals week of his sophmore year. (I know the kid fairly well because he stayed with us for a week while his dad and step-mom took the sister on a dream trip to France a few months before she died.)</p>

<p>In any event, I’ve told the kid that I am willing to help him find answers and have urged him to keep persisting in contacting people and finding out all his options until he can find some plan to follow.</p>

<p>According to the boy the dad keeps telling him that he doesn’t want to help him do this or that (in this case to go to college) because he (the dad) is sure that the kid will fail. I realize that that’s just the kids side of the story, but still, it’s pretty sad that the kids relationship with his dad comes down to this…and that the kid feels like his dad’s attitude toward him is, “I’m sure you’ll fail so why bother?”</p>

<p>Besides which, even if his dad doesn’t want to contribute anything, if he’d just fill out the FAFSA the kid should be able to get loans. If the kid ends up failing out it’s his dime, not dad’s.</p>

<p>Arrgh. </p>

<p>In any event, thank you so much for the input. If anyone has any other suggestions I will pass them on to the boy.</p>

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<p>The loophole NiikkiL refers to involves a the student getting a signed statement from his father stating that he will no longer provide any support to his child, including monetary or housing support. The son would then be able to borrow unsubsidized Stafford loans at dependent undergraduate levels for year in school (5500 fr, 6500 soph, 7500 jr/sr). No other federal aid would be allowed. The school can instruct the son in how to go about this … they may already have a form to be used (they most likely won’t make it readily available online). The student would fill out a FAFSA without parent info (the online version will prompt him over & over that he needs parent info but can submit without as long as he knows it will result in a rejected SAR). This is a good alternative for some kids, as it allows the student to receive at least some federal aid.</p>

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<p>“Often there’s more to the story like the parent didn’t file taxes…”</p>

<p>My Dad didn’t file taxes this year. and I still got FinAid. You just check Parent will/not file taxes. They just make you feel a form that you place the truth in the fafsa. Well with my school</p>

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<p>No … I think this comment was referring to parents who MUST file taxes (based on income) but do not. If a parent is required to file but does not do so, no aid … and the processor does check reported income against filing status.</p>

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<p>kelsmom, I wonder if the dad will even sign that. I can see him being just jerky enough that he wouldn’t even sign a form saying he WON’T provide any support…just to further limit the kids options.</p>

<p>But…I will definitely mention that to the kid. I’m contemplating taking him for a college visit to the community college that will be an option for him. Just to get him moving in a good direction.</p>

<p>I feel bad for the kid. I also respect that his dad IS his dad and as such may be (just may be) doing what he’s doing because he does honestly feel that it’s the best course for the kid. But geez. There is a limit to ‘tough love’ type things. And the kid is 18. At this point the dad needs to just say, “Okay, you figure it out and don’t come crawling to me if it blows up in your face like I know it will.” Then he needs to just fill out the FAFSA (or sign the affidavit) and wash his hands of the situation.</p>

<p>But I can see him being uber jerk right to the very end. </p>

<p>Again, I’m open to all suggestions!!!</p>

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<p>Can the stepmother sign the form needed?</p>

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<p>It sounds like this student needs help all around…not just with college finances (and admissions) but also with understanding that the work needs to be completed to get credit. No one at a college is going to hound him if he doesn’t get the work done. Maybe THIS is what the dad is worried about. I’m not saying that the dad is expressing this well…it sounds like he’s not…but it also sounds like this student has been “less than responsible” regarding his school work. He will surely need a supportive environment to turn this around, especially given the challenging family situation you have described. Please help this student get the support he needs to succeed as a student. Without that, any money he gets for financial aid will be wasted.</p>

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<p>Owlice, I hadn’t thought about whether or not the step-mom could sign the form. Thing is, and I’ve told the kid, ultimately the step-mom’s loyalty lies with the dad, since she married into the family. He DOES get along fairly well with the step-mom, however, from things he’s said, any time he starts to get really close to his step-mom his dad manages to interfer in some way. It’s a dynamic I’m familiar with, as I was a step-mom for seven years in a past life. I had the same thing happen with my step-daughter…whenever our relationship was going smoothly and starting to gel her dad (my ex-husband) had to do something to cause strife. Not always something open either, he was pretty subtle about it at times.</p>

<p>BUT…I will definitely suggest that the kid ask the financial aid people about it and suggest that he approach his step-mom if that’s an option.</p>

<p>Thumper, I totally understand what you’re getting at. I have those same feelings about it. But he IS a smart kid…AND sometimes I wonder if part of his ‘non-performance’ has something to do with his dad’s attitude. According to the kid, and again, whether it’s actual fact or not it IS the kids impression, so for the kid it’s real, the dad will say things like, “All that potential wasted.” And “You have to get XYZ grade in this or you’re out of here. I don’t think you can do it either.” </p>

<p>And the dad doesn’t let the kid have any (or very little) life outside of school and ‘family time’. Won’t let him get a job because he’s ‘supposed to be concentrating on his grades’. However, with my own son I felt like he got his schoolwork done BETTER and more consistently once he got a job. At that point he was forced to manage his time properly because he had limited time for homework…he had to do it when he had an opportunity.</p>

<p>Seriously, I think that the kids best bet is to move out of his dad’s house and go live with the family that has offered to take him in. (I think it might be his maternal grandparents, with whom his dad doesn’t get along with. I guess never DID get along.) He should defer his high school diploma and stay in the high school system at least for another couple of years at the vocational school in that town. Get a job and save as much money as he possibly can and explore college options down the road. Give him a chance to get the ‘out of the house’ transition over with and get another years maturity under his belt at the very least. And use that time to learn better time management and organization, etc. To me that seems the best, and hopefully cheapest, option for him while he gets his feet under him.</p>

<p>He attended the career center in our school district so he’s familiar with that system and has already earned some college credits via that route.</p>

<p>I get the feeling that part of the dad’s ‘issues’ with the boy are that he expects the kid to do everything perfectly without being taught how to do them…the kid is supposed to just ‘know’. Also, with his older sister being sick he was expected to pick up some of the slack at home in helping look after his younger sister, which he did. So I think that the dad is expecting the kid to be MORE mature than he actually is. When you get right down to it, since his mom died, the boys childhood was cut pretty short.</p>

<p>Sigh.</p>

<p>In the end all I can do is try to offer guidance and make suggestions. If the kid doesn’t want to go into the military he is going to have to take control of the situation and implement some solutions himself. Unfortunately, in this awful job climate finding a job is going to be really difficult for him. Plus, he doesn’t have his license (or a car) because his dad wouldn’t allow it. Fortunately he is just fine with riding his bike and usually biked to school. I just hope that where his relatives live in the town he’s going to is within biking distance of some places to work and the community college. I did find reference to a bus system in that town, so that’s a plus…but I have no clue how extensive it is.</p>

<p>I’ve told him though, that if he wants to avoid the military he’s going to have to be militant about finding other options. If he thinks he’s hit a dead end he’s going to have to persevere and persist until he finds a way around that roadblock or finds a new solution.</p>

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<p>Sometimes a young person is just not college material, yet, and perhaps the dad knows this better than those outside the family. I think a semester or two of college is often wasted on people who are just not ready. Then things are really FU by the time they would have been ready. The military can be just the thing for persons like this if they can qualify. The military is kind of picky about who they will take.</p>

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<p>Good god that’s an overbearing father. It appears that he’s tried to close every single door except the military, what a terrible situation.</p>

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<p>dt123, I agree that not every kid is ‘college material’, but neither is every kid ‘military material’ either. His older brother caved and went inot the military and this kid is not at all interested in that route for himself. The military changed his brother in ways that this kid just isn’t comfortable with. Maybe that’s good, maybe that’s bad, but the bottom line is that this kid doesn’t want that route, despite the fact that the dad obviously feels that it would be ‘good’ for him and ‘get him straightened around’.</p>

<p>Thing is, this is a kid who isn’t in trouble with the law (although he had one encounter with the law back when his mom died, none since though), no drugs, doesn’t drink…I think the dad just wants the military to make the kid jump when someone says to. My gut feeling is that the dad wants the military to ‘cure’ the kid of being a normal teenager and turn him into some sort of Stepford kid or something like that. (Not saying that’s the military’s job, but rather that’s what I think the DAD wants.)</p>

<p>Vernalagnia, you got that right. Compared to some of the other controling parents I’ve seen described on here he takes the prize.</p>

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<p>Wow, what a mess!! The boy is lucky to have you in his corner, Mary. I will just chime in with one thing about this sad story. The military might very well be a viable option-- DURING PEACE TIME!!! But we are in two serious wars, and there is a real chance that the boy will, well, you know… It’s fine when a young person him or herself wants to enlist, but when a parent is forcing the issue, it’s so different. It’s almost, bizarrely, as if the father were sentencing his child to… well, you know… What kind of crazy psychology is going on with this man having lost two members of his family already, and now putting his son in such potential danger. Again, he is lucky to have you.</p>

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<p>Mary,</p>

<p>Is the kid still living with his dad or has he been kicked out? If he’s kicked out, and still in high school, has the school been notified. If so, they should certify him as homeless even if he’s living with you and he can answer yes to one of the FAFSA determination questions (58-60). He’s then considered independent and doesn’t need Dad’s FAFSA info.</p>

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<ol>
<li> If he can’t/won’t receive the certification from the HS, he can ask for a dependency override if he’s not living with his dad anymore. I don’t know how difficult it is to get, a quick google search revealed that many schools have this procedure listed on their websites, so perhaps it is something they do reach out with.</li>
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