D1 was disciplined enough to do much of the legwork herself, while I purchased a small libary’s worth of guides and researched possible schools. The brand new HS GC was a disaster who kept pushing UCs and Cal States, refusing to answer emails or make appointments. She nearly scotched D1’s ED application by uploading a 10-wk transcript sporting a “D”, reflecting missed assignments from multiple fly-in programs. Fortunately, her IB counselor saved the day and personally intervened, calling the adcom of her current school, forwarding more recent grades, and penning a heartfelt recommendation. It worked. I owe him a kidney. But we were shocked by the EFC, skewed by the non-custodial CSS profile.
D1 getting in early short-circuited our understanding of the process for D2. Our singular focus was LACs offering merit aid. Despite the test-optional trend, we knew that D2’s scores weren’t going to cut it. Khan Academy, self-study and Princeton Review did nothing. What worked was Tutor Ted, who makes test prep fun. Her new HS counselor was a huge improvement, but tragically, he died in the middle of her junior year. I scrambled to find affordable private counselors and cobbled together a la carte services (e.g. bootcamp essay writing and review sessions). Her scores crept up into respectable territory and we hit the CTCL college fair looking for programs with decent engineering or 3-2 programs. We were open to a much broader range of schools than D1’s list. So far, this strategy has been paying off. D2 has been batting 4 out of 4 (all with aid), with most other decisions still to come.
Some of D2’s friends borrowed her “safeties” list and they too got wonderful awards already. The friends who focused on the Ivies and such are biting their nails now. I’m sure all will end well, but D2’s acne has subsided considerably with several great options under her belt!
S1 did not want much parental input when deciding where to apply. I remembered how agonizing the wait was until the first acceptance came in. So, for S2 I made sure to take advantage of EA, and I am so glad that we did. S2 had great options with (surprise) merit money before the holidays.
Both children are athletes and excellent students, though S is closer to tippy top stats than D. We didn’t start early enough the recruiting process for S which meant a lot of flying around summer before senior year and during the fall. Stressful times. He ended up applying on his own and then walking on to the team. For D, we started much earlier. We sent videos, emails, made calls. By end of sophomore year, she was committed. It was much less stressful for us all.
We made sure that our youngest actually wants to go to college. It turned out our oldest didn’t (his counselor talked him into it when he expressed doubts). He had a bad experience and at this point can’t see himself going back. Anyone with a kid who has elite test scores but who also doesn’t like school: ask him\her if he\she wants a gap year. S2 assured us that he doesn’t, even though he never cared for school either.
Kid #2 is just a hs sophomore so we are early in the process, but I’ve made him a list of around 20 schools of varying selectivity and am making him choose 3 or 4 each weekend to read in the Fiske guide. So far he’s liked most of the ones I suggested (so I’m batting in the right ballpark) but disliked at least 2 or 3 (so he’s not just saying yes to everything).
Worried less second time around. My daughter knew her junior year where she wanted to attend and was the first person to put a deposit down before Labor Day her senior year. I worried she didn’t have enough choices, didn’t want her having buyer’s remorse, etc. She’s in her sophomore year and couldn’t picture her anywhere else.
Fast forward to now and my son is waiting to hear from two more schools. He likes his current acceptances, all with good merit, so we know he has affordable options. My son’s process has lasted many more month’s, but I’ve learned to trust their instincts and their decisions.
Totally different experiences with each kid. I knew nothing when we started with D1. I didn’t realize how much things had changed. I still thought of schools like NYU as safeties, because they were 25 years ago. I had no idea that schools gave out merit aid. Our guidence counselor didn’t help one bit. Luckily D1 was very focused. She had a specific intended major and wanted to stay somewhat close to home. She found the schools and made the lists. I only helped a bit. She got into her dream school, but then her safety came back with a great financial package. We were both shocked. She ended up choosing the safety and is haveing a great experience.
D2 wants pre-med so that doesn’t cut the school list down much. This time I am much more savvy about the financial aspects, so we are targeting schools where she is likely to get merit aid and in state publics. She has been warned up front that the financial package will be a part of the decision. D2 has good stats and academics, but is really overwhelmed by the idea of searching for schools so I’ve been handling more of the task of making the college lists. She seems perfectly content to see the schools I suggest.
The sharpest difference between the two kids (other than their intellectual interests and talents), was that #1 had no interest and little time to do college touring. So he didn’t visit even one college for the purpose of evaluating it as a prospect for himself. He did visit colleges as a high school debater, and we live in a college town. But the first time he stepped on the campus of the college that he ended up attending was on “admitted students day.”
2 definitely wanted to tour colleges, but only a tight list of art schools -- no general colleges that had art majors. Didn't want to attend the instate flagship under any circumstance, so didn't apply. We took her to a couple of portfolio days so she could get information and show some of her art to representatives of a small number of colleges. She also participated in a summer precollege art program at the School of the Chicago Art Institute. Then in June after her junior year we went on a single 10 day car trip to visit art schools -- and no other types -- that she had put on her list. This worked: she was admitted to every school she applied to, including two that she hadn't visited or hadn't met with a representative at a portfolio day.
My kids are so different from each other that it’s really hard to even know how to tackle the question. My older son was a brilliant computer nerd. I dragged him on a spring break junior year college tour which he hated. “All colleges look the same. I just want a good CS department.” He hated writing and the bear your soul personal essay? Just shoot me now. In the end he wrote a servicable essay that started with an an example of what happens when you try to write a program to get the computer to write your essay for you. He does have a sense of humor… Interestingly once he got acceptances he did think it might be a good idea to check the colleges out. He got into fine colleges, but got a number of rejections that I really didn’t think he’d get. My logical mind knew the odds, but my heart didn’t. The best thing I did with him? Make him apply somewhere EA. It meant the main essay writing was done in October. Oh and I made him do the RPI priority application (by invite). He got that acceptance before Thanksgiving.
Younger son is smart, but more of a mixed bag. Lots of B’s in his transcript, SAT scores with a 100 point spread. He was a history guy, but his two main ECs were Science Olympiad and orchestra. Oh and he made origami earrings for fun. We both knew that results were going to be hard to predict. But he got the game. I’ve never seen a kid mature and grow up the way he did. He was thoughtful on visits. He learned what was important to him. He found an approach to the why x college that made writing that essay fun. His main Common Ap essay came together. He drove me crazy sometimes - “I"m not writing that Tufts optional essay until after Christmas because I want to really enjoy writing it.” We started college visits a little earlier and he took his first SAT test a little earlier. The process was easier and the results were better than I expected. He also applied to a couple of schools EA and got into one which was a huge reach.
I’m not a fan of ED unless there’s a school you really love, but rollling admissions, priority applications, EA - they can really ease the stress - or provide a needed wake up call.
I let kid #2 have way more control & responsibility for the process – I simply told her the parameters and insisted that she apply to the our state system as a safety. (Guaranteed admission based on her grades & class standing, in-state tuition, so true safety). Our state requires that the University apps be submitted by the end of November… so once that was done… I played the role of willing assistant–but no planning, no nagging, no worrying… and no stress at all for me.
She applied to and got into a bunch of reach colleges, including a top choice that was affordable… so off she went. But if she had slacked off and only applied to the state U… it would have been fine by me. My child is a separate person from me. I’m not sure I quite understood that with kid #1.
“Sprang for private HS for second after realizing how big a deal peer relationships can be.”
+1. So true! We mulled and mulled a school change for #1 but never made it. We should have. We moved #2 to private in 9th grade.
We also pushed #2 into so many more summer programs from 7th grade on. Some call them a waste of money but it’s so important to keep kids engaged, let them mix with diverse academic kids from all over the state/country.
Sterilize: What you do to your first child’s pacifier by holding in boiling water for 20 minutes and what you do to your second child’s pacifier by blowing on it.
If we could do it all over again we would have bought a home in a more expensive tippy top public school area and kept our cars longer. Not only for better education and more ambitious peer group, but in last 10-15 years home values in those primo areas have skyrocketed.
With my son, first child, I was completely clueless and slightly nervous. He was accepted at a great school and will graduate in May.
Unlike others who have posted, I am much more nervous for my daughter because of my financial situation, i.e., I will not be able to help her much, if at all financially. I now am very realistic about the competitive nature of college admissions. As my daughter did a year abroad in Japan, she isn’t going to graduate in the top 10% of her class (not enough weighted classes). Other than a half semester of AP World before she left for Japan, she hasn’t taken any AP classes. Her guidance counselor, who knows her extremely well, is retiring this year; therefore, her GC recommmedation will probably be very generic. Her senior year schedule will be tough, but she won’t have any of her semester grades in when she applies SCEA. She has an SAT score that puts her near the 75th percentile for most top-tier schools, but so do thousands of other kids. Her university will have to have a great Japanese and Arabic programs which further limits her choices. I am very realistic that the odds are not in her favor; hence, my nervousness. I am trying VERY hard not to show how nervous I am. I really want to thoroughly enjoy the last year and several months of her HS years as the time is so fleeting and it isn’t the same when they come home for short stints.
My daughter is very realistic. Just the other day she told me that if she gets into her SCEA school, it will be the most incredible Christmas present ever, but she is certainly not counting on it.
Well, I hadn’t thought that we would have to worry about D getting into S’s private U because it was pretty selective and he got generous merit. We told her she could apply wherever she wanted and lo & behold she was accepted into brother’s U and we got to be full-pay, OUCH! (It was the only U she applied to and it was as a transfer after her 1st semester of CC.) We were paying 1/2 tuition plus expenses for S and full everything for her, so those were some very lean years. We were very fortunate that we were able to somehow make things work out financially–it was definitely NOT the plan we had envisioned but it was a good U for both kids.
We were more relaxed with D, like other posts above had mentioned. She is the more social, intuitive child while the older child is very cautious and more reserved. She has had more medical issues, so we have spent a lot more time and $$$ on medical issues for D.
My kids are like 3 points on a triangle. Virtually no overlap in academic ability, interests, and desires. Still I did learn some things. I don’t think we reached high enough with my oldest, so my youngest applied to more reach schools (and did very well). Don’t be afraid of the price tag of private schools, there is lots of merit money available (not talking elite schools here, but the smaller, private, middle of the road LACs). Intended major matters (this will be controversial and is just my opinion)–it’s easier to justify paying more for a STEM major than an anthropology major. If your child wants to go far away, make sure they take the plane ride first, they may change their mind. If you’ve applied to a variety of schools, there is no reason to panic that your child won’t get in anywhere. Start building the resume and requesting recommendations early. If you don’t like your guidance counselor, you can request a change (at least in our school). Select very carefully the friends you discuss applications/acceptances with. If it doesn’t work, they can transfer–nothing has to be permanent. Be very careful with ED. It’s a commitment and you’re making it early in the process. Biggest lesson–don’t get intimidated by what you read here! My S did not take 10 APs, 3 SATIIs, did not have 800s–yet he did very well with his acceptances.