I will emphasize the ACT test more with my second, and I really hate that I’m saying that.
My DD18 took it three times and never broke a 24. She got in where she wanted to, in the program she wanted, but I think she would have had a lot more options both in terms of applications and merit with a higher score. She took a couple practice tests, and even that was pulling teeth.
I will have my DD21 take test prep more seriously, and try the SAT (something I never did with the oldest).
Be careful here. If you spend a lot on the first kid and force the second kid to have a much smaller college budget as a result, you will need a lot of diplomatic skills to prevent long term resentment over that situation.
What years on CC with first kid may lead to, thus no need for this thread. 
My college sophomore and I visited way too many schools. She submitted too many apps, and applied to too many reaches. She waited too long to complete all of her supplemental essays. She cared too much about being a perfectionist with homework in high school. I should have made her come out of her room more. I hassled her too much about doing the ECs she did. Having said that, she’s at a great school, so if she had slacked off a bit more and not done so much with the ECs, would she have still gotten in? Who knows. She’s happy now and doing great, anyway.
My high school junior will visit maybe 9 colleges total. He will probably apply only to schools that he is really interested in, and probably no reaches (or what people on CC would call reaches.) He has good grades but is lazy with homework. I don’t care, as long as he maintains good grades. I have hassled him excessively about the SAT/ACT, because he wants to be offered merit aid. He would love to have never taken it. We shall see if the hassling paid off. I don’t hassle him enough about ECs, but he does do a few things when he’s not busy having fun. He’s a total hedonist and wants to go to a school where he can continue to be one. We exercise the right to not let him apply to bad colleges though, and he knows that we expect him to work hard in college.
I wouldn’t change things. My kids and I have been enjoying the college process. It’s been a great bonding experience for all of us.
Lindagaf, to me that last line about “bonding experience” says it all! A couple of other lessons that I learned from D1: when you consider how far a school is from home, consider both time and money. A good friend’s daughter is at a school that takes seven hours each way by car. No public transportation. Our daughter can get on a plane in Boston at 5 her time after a short Uber ride, and arrive across the country in Long Beach at 9 our time with a 20 minute drive home. The second that she got in, we switched all of our credit purchases to a Jet Blue credit card, so we typically can use miles. Feels closer than a two day drive!! With D2, we eliminated some schools (e.g. Vassar) when we realized that it would take 12 hours to get home!! Due to my work circumstances, we hired a college counselor for D2, even though D1 and I had a good process together. Even though both got into the dream school, I kind of feel sad that I wasn’t as involved with D2. That said, she was going through a tough time when applications were being done, and her submissions were far from her usual standards. If it hadn’t been for her “turn it in - good enough” college counselor, I know she would likely be looking at a gap year. And… she got into every school, so clearly they WERE good enough!!!
For 2nd, we started standardized testing early and took SAT in fall of junior year. First child, took ACT spring of junior year, and between that, the May AP tests, SAT subject tests in May/June and some big EC commitments and school projects falling in that time frame, the schedule was just impossible. For 2nd, schedule is still intense, but at least a bit more breathing room.
My husband and I are University of Chicago alums. Neither kid 1 nor kid2 got in. (Waitlisted, deferred, then NO) I realized with kid1 that the college admissions process has become disgusting, and in no way reflects my kids’ abilities or talents. (They are both great students). It’s about looking selective and increasing yield. All about the optics and the Benjamins now. So I told kid 2 that wherever she goes it will
become hers. I’ll tell the other kids the same. Although I loved my U Chicago and always will, their new incarnation and “Ivy transformation” is repulsive. So is $71000 a year. Kid1 did well and kid2 has great choices before her.
I’ll add that, like someone mentioned, I know the teachers and classes to avoid at the high school.
DD18’s guidance counselor was new this year, and while not a complete disaster needed a lot of hand-holding in terms of what to get done when. I know to avoid her input when I can. For example, our school has two emails for each staff person and teacher. DD did her CA with one of those emails, so there are two CA email portals requests go to and this GC didn’t know (to be fair, neither did I at the time but I’m not paid to know). It all ended well, but it was unnecessarily stressful and now I get to remind her about the two portals thing for the final transcript. I will ask this GC towards the end of DD21’s junior year which email portal she actually checks.
I’ve also made great friends with the transcript lady, and the Secretary Who Knows All at the school.
I was only kidding. I am blessed my second child is frugal though.
I tried to do the same for my 2 D’s, but they are very different. D1 applied to 2 reach schools, 2 matches, and two low matches. Only one of the reach school was applied RD. She was accepted by all by one reach school with good merit or need based aids from most. She ended up going to the state flagship with scholarships. D2’s test score is not far off and has very similar GPA and course rigor but stronger EC. She applied to the same in state flagship EA and accepted but without the large scholarship, then she applied to several reaches RD. I have no problem with her choices as long as they are affordable and not much more expensive than the in state option. My D2 may attend the same school at end but financially, there will be a very significant difference. I wish they were the same.
Process very different for us from 1st kid (D15) to 2nd (S18).
Not a lot different between the 2, though older s applied ED. We wanted him to apply EA (which is now no longer offered at his school) but he really wanted to apply ED. He loved the school. Younger s did not apply ED anywhere. Applied early, and heard early, but he went after the $.
VaNcBorder, sounds like S18 learned a lot from watching D15. Did D15 have a good experience? No matter how good a GC or college counselor is, they have many kids to assist. I think it’s critical that parents stay involved as well, as you know your kid!!!
This time around we are putting more time in looking for the right “fit” of the school. Just because you get into a specific school academically doesn’t mean it is a fit. We are fortunate that our older one found the right fit with great academics. We can see what the right fit means.
What I did differently was really situational.
My older S liked mid-size urban universities. His top choice school had EA not ED. So he did apply there EA (was deferred EA and accepted in the RD round) to his top choice and a few other schools. Fortunately he was accepted to one school early so we didn’t have to apply to a bunch of safety schools. Still, with the extra time he added one or two other schools to his list over the winter. I think he applied to seven schools in total. We re-visited three schools for accepted student day in the spring to be sure he didn’t have a change of heart and then he decided.
My D wanted a LAC and for the group of schools she was interested in there was a definite advantage to applying ED. So her decision process got sped up. We made first visits in her junior year, and did second visits to her two top choices in the fall of her senior year and she did have one clear favorite. She got into her top choice ED and was done by December. She applied to three schools in total (two EA and one ED).
It’s what you do before you fill out the applications that matters–visiting and researching schools for a good match, looking for what that school wants and then matching the order of application events and emphases with what the school wants and who your child is.
Like @happy1, mine had very different priorities/focus. First kid patiently visited midwest LACs but yearned for big public with big sports and big classes where he could disappear. Second kid tagged along on older kid’s LAC and public flagship visits, and declared in 10th grade that classes over 25 would be too big, and he wanted to continue playing his sport (presumably at D3). We learned a lot from first kid about the importance of finances, so second kid’s list was shaped by financial constraints. Although we visited some NESCACs for second kid, we realized we needed merit aid to make it work, so those came off the list and we focused on schools where he would get merit and could play his sport. I would say, broadly, we were much more intentional about his application list because of what we learned from first student’s experience.
Question for you all… have you made a point to meet the guidance counselor at the high school? We’re at a mid-sized public school in CA where you get once gc for the whole grade (around 400 kids and I’m guessing of those, maybe less than 1/4 would be applying to private or OOS schools). There’s also a separate college counselor but the recommendation letter comes from the grade-level counselor.
Anyway, with my oldest I never made an effort to meet her counselor (she never needed any special services beyond choosing the next year’s courses yearly). When it came time for him to write her a letter she brought him a form filled out with her activities and interests. I’m guessing she got a very standard boilerplate letter and just wonder if we should be putting any more effort into that relationship for kids #2 and #3… or whether this letter is typically boilerplate anyway (‘school has such and such stats and kid falls in the top 10% and has taken a rigorous course load’). Maybe just check in to see whether my son’s likely course load next year will be enough to tick the ‘rigorous’ box (if that’s even a thing).
Thoughts?
My mum made me volunteer a lot from 8th grade on. More parents should have their kids super engaged in volunteering from an earlier age. The frenzy in 10-11th grade for hours can seem disingenuous and limits making a bigger impact. And I was in leadership roles from 10-11th on where most kids are just sorta showing up for hours, you know.
@washugrad at our school the gcs do not go by grade. That’s a big burden! Each gc has kids in every grade so they don’t have to write hundreds of recs one year and then none for the next 3. That said—gcs meet individually with each kid every year to review their next year’s schedule, make sure kids are meeting district and state requirements, course prerequisites, plan schedules based on college goals, etc. I don’t think it would be possible for a kid to not meet with their gc until senior year.
To answer your question yes I met with all the gcs. However, I sought them out. They are happy to meet with parents who ask, but don’t contact parents to set up meetings. When I did meet with them, they said they wished more parents would request meetings. They made sure we had a good mix of reaches, matches, and safeties I gave each of them a list of schools we were considering, and they made recommendations. With my oldest he recommended the school my D ended up attending. I didn’t think she could get in, but he knew based on previous years that she had the stats to be accepted. With my middle (different gc) she recommended removing some schools from our list where she said our D would not fit in socially. With my youngest (same gc as middle) I don’t think we met, but I still sent her a list of schools and she tweaked it. I found that they had a lot of insight as to where kids from our HS were getting accepted and the stats they had/needed.
For my youngest, gc went out on maternity leave from late April junior year through January senior year. She made a point of telling me to get S’s paperwork to her in early April of junior year so she could write his recommendation before she left. I didn’t get to read the recommendation of course but I have no doubt her letter was stronger than what the substitute would have written.