<p>I have wanted to go to UT Austin ever since I was in 6th grade, and when I got in my choice was clear. But soon after that my parents started getting increasingly worried about my safety and all the distractions there. So somehow my dad managed to get me a full scholarship to an extremely small college about an hour from my house. I live in TN, so Austin is not quite close enough for weekend visits. I have been away at a boarding school with very little supervision in TX for the past 2 years, but my parents are STILL reluctant to let me go away from home!</p>
<p>I've gotten in to very little trouble, had a perfect 4.0, and gained year's worth of college credit in the past 2 years. But my parents are terrified of me going wild and crazy in college, failing, getting in trouble etc. They believe their fears will be minimized in a small college in a small town close to home, even though I have told them multiple times that it can happen ANYWHERE! I want to go to UT because it has a great business school, and I dont want my opportunities to compromised because my parents are so worried! What can I do to prove to them that I am responsible enough to handle UT and stay out of trouble? Thanks for any input!</p>
<p>Well, a calm & quiet discussion can be a good start. Also, would it be possible for your parents to visit UT campus? (During the summers, the big schools are a lot emptier and more quiet, a good first impression.) You could show them the libraries, the reading rooms where you could go to study even if the dorm got a little loud/wild. As a compromise,you could also see if UT offers special ‘quiet’ dorms for non-partiers (many schools do.) And as a last resort you could offer to go on a kind of probationary basis: if I don’t do well in my first year, I’ll transfer to where you want me to. Good luck!</p>
<p>Your parents may want you closer to home because you have been gone for the past two years. They might actually miss you! Maybe you need to help them sort that out as well.</p>
<p>We’re in the same situation. I suggest that you somehow find a way to be able to afford UT Austin on your own, (scholarships, maybe some loans if possible, a job) and then you can become easier to negotiate. Of course try the other suggestions such as talking to them, explaining the values of UT-A first. But if they’re extreme about it…then just use my method.</p>
<p>I second the question - what do you mean by getting into “very little” trouble? There’s really no reason for you to be getting into ANY trouble. Probably therein lies the answer of what your parents need to see/hear?</p>
<p>Well UT does have its tempting distractions Maybe your parents aren’t as clueless as you think they are… Maybe they don’t want that possibility of you associating with the major party crowd? Maybe it’s better and just smart to attend a school on full-aid?</p>
<p>Is there any adult from the small boarding school whom you could call to dicuss this? If you were good at handling distractions in a residential school, maybe you r parents just need to hear this again by phone from an old teacher or dean from that school. Ask that person to remind your folks that you’re basically a good character who makes good choices around the dorm and EC life (not just good grades). Just a thought. Sometimes adults listen better to adults.</p>
<p>I also know some parents who are getting zooey right now about their kids leaving for universities, and acting as though they have bad kids when they don’t! It’s very hurtful to some good kids when parents start hyperventilating about all that could go wrong on any campus. Instead, they might look at the kid they know right in front of them. If you’ve given them no terrible times in boarding school re: drinking or bizarre behavior, and if you have made a few productive friends and tended to your studies, I can’t see why you should be blocked from UT. Besides, Austin is such an interesting city! </p>
<p>I agree, you should all get in the car and just walk around there during a summer weekend. It might make them feel more comfortable. Plus, promise to visit, look up the fall family weekend dates or football games (hook em horns, beep..) and say how you hope you can be their host there one weekend. Talk about how you’re expecting to come home for Thanksgiving (if that’s true), and Christmas certainly. Above all tell them your future will be much more secure if they’ll let you go further for an education, especially at a business school, so you can support yourself that much better in a few years.</p>
<p>You had asked, “what do they want to hear” so that’s what I’ve answered in this post. Also, what are you doing this summer with your time? If you’re just sleeping in and then running endlessly to party with friends, you’re adding to their worries. If that’s the scene, well, just change it and do a huge helpful chore all summer instead. Paint something or fix something they can’t handle. Be a good citizen of your household. Clear dishes, act mature, keep a good schedule.</p>
<p>I think what your parents want to hear is not that you could get into trouble ANYWHERE, but that you are determined not to get into trouble and lead a healthy and productive life wherever you live.</p>
<p>This may sound like mere semantics to you, but those two phrases sound very different to my parental ears.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your quick replies! OK so let me address a few things:</p>
<p>1) To explain “very little trouble”…my first semester at boarding school I didn’t manage my time very well and my grades suffered. I was taking college classes that were very different from high school, and getting used to my new freedom of course! Nothing crazy, but I became very close to my roommate and we spent most of our time staying up late, talking, napping, getting ready etc. instead of studying. Honestly this is something most people dont learn til later, so I definitely feel more prepared for time management in college. </p>
<p>2) This summer should only ease their worries about me going to UT! I work a full time job (7 am-4 pm every day) at an office and should earn about $5000 by the end of the summer. I rarely go out because I am exhausted with work, and spend almost every night home with my parents!!</p>
<p>Here is the proposition I have for my parents, and I’d like to hear your thoughts-</p>
<p>With the money I have from scholarships, this job and past jobs I will pay for my first semester myself. If my grades fall, I get into trouble or they just feel uncomfortable I will transfer to the place of their choice. Otherwise, (hopefully) they will support me and help me pay the rest. </p>
<p>Sometimes I think I must be crazy to blow all of my savings when I have a full scholarship and my parents support somewhere else. But I feel extremely uncomfortable at this other college- it has less than 800 students, no sports teams, all the classes are housed in the same building (my math class would be right next to my english class!) and just doesnt feel like a real college to me. Because I went to boarding school, I never got a prom, got to take easy classes or have a lavish graduation like most seniors, and I just dont want to miss out on college too! My parents dont really understand because they were born and raised in India, but how important do you think “the college experience” is?</p>
<p>I’d omit the “they just feel uncomfortable”, that is vague and open-ended.</p>
<p>I’d make the grades specific: for example, agree that you have to have a certain gpa. Don’t make the bar too high for first semester.</p>
<p>Don’t, on the other hand, try to define “get into trouble”. That imo will just make them nervous. Just make certain that you don’t get into trouble!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Here I would emphasize the academic opportunities at UT. Certainly don’t talk about the “lavish graduation” or “easy classes” you missed! I’m sorry that you missed prom, but there is a immense difference between “missing prom” and “missing a world class education”. So imo stress the wonderful education at UT that you want and that you’ll be missing at the other college.</p>
<hr>
<p>Have you looked at the class ranks, GPAs, SATs of students at the other college and compared them with comparable data for UT and for you? Where does your record indicate a better academic fit for you?</p>
<p>They might want to hear:
“mom, Dad, you have raised me well. I am a thoughtful and mature individual ready for the next step in my life. I have had my heart set on UT for years, and that hasn’t changed. Thanx especially to Dad for his efforts having acquired the offer of a full-tuition scholarship at another school. As an adult however, I have decided not to choose that option, but to stick with my long-time desire of going to UT. Naturally, as an adult making that choice, I realize it wouldn’t be fair to you, Mom and Dad, to expect you to pay for my choice when a free tuition alternative is out there. As such, I will be happy for any financial help you can give, but I will be paying for my own college choice.”</p>
<p>Then be ready to demonstrate that you can now manage your time when unsupervised. And be ready to show good, sound, solid examples of why UT is a far better academic choice for you. To be convincing you’ll need more than “I had my heart set on it”.</p>
<p>“somehow my dad managed to get me a full scholarship to an extremely small college about an hour from my house”</p>
<p>You need to sit down and talk money with your parents. The full scholarship may be necessary. Even if you can pay for the first semester of your first year, they may not have the money for the second semester, and they may be thinking about what you will do for the following years. Just because you have a full scholarship at this small college if you start this year, there is no reason to expect that there would be a cent of scholarship money if you have to end up transferring there.</p>
<p>Just curious…how did your DAD get you a scholarship? Did HE fill out the college application and the scholarship application? I find that statement in your post odd. Please clarify.</p>
<p>Also…just a question…if you do not accept that scholarship now, will it even be available to you if you decide to transfer to this smaller school? Some schools do not hold scholarships for students who matriculate elsewhere.</p>
<p>Have you already committed to going to UT Austin? Have you sent deposit money in? What did you do for the small college? Most schools have a deadline for accepting enrollment and financial aid, and putting down admissions and housing deposits of May 1. What is the arrangement for the small college…and UT?</p>
<p>I was wondering how your dad got you the full scholarship? Usually, the student applies to the college and applies for scholarships. Did you have anything to do with these applications? Did your father apply in your name? There may be some problems here.</p>
<p>Also, do you currently have deposits holding places for you in both the small college and UT? If one school finds out about the other, you may have an admission rescinded, and your decision will be made for you.</p>
<p>As others have suggested, you need to have a long talk with your parents, covering all aspects of your college choice, including financial, social and educational. Does this small school have your major? What are the stats for graduates getting jobs in their majors, or getting into grad school. You need to gather all of the information you can that will show how UT will benefit you. You are definitely showing your ability to take on responsibilities and stay away from the party-type atmosphere.</p>
<p>I think that your extreme discomfort at the thought of attending such a small school should be reason enough to not make you go. I thought our 750-student high school was small! Good luck, atx.</p>
<p>With Indian parents you may want to play the more exposure to Indian culture card for the large school and emphasize the academics. What they don’t know won’t hurt them, so don’t tell all no matter where you go. I doubt the extremely small school can match the academics of UT- Austin or be diverse enough to make it a good fit for you. They may have a mistaken idea that a small Christian college (as I’d bet this is) will keep you on a moral path, but they probably have no clue as to how you would suffer culturally by being Indian, even if your parents are Christian. Married to an Indian I have learned how different religious based schools are in India- high schools there didn’t try to convert their mostly/all Hindu student body or even expose them to the religion, they may not realize the differences in the US. Tell them what you posted about how you spent your bad first semester so that you are aware of pitfalls and have an advantage because of that experience. Do not expect your college experience to make up for no prom et al in college (a lot of us and kids today never went to prom at regular HS’s…), in fact the small college may be more like a HS. At a large school like UT you pick and choose among many activities and lifestyles, don’t attempt to go for the stereotypic one in your head. Reassure your parents that not everyone does everything they hear about, that quite a few students lead more academic, quiet lives. And, make no promises about what you will do/not do in college. You can honestly tell your parents you will make the academics your priority, and even that you will “keep it legal” (as I tell my son to do). There is no way you can promise specific behaviors until you are there and know what works. Maybe the Indian students group at UT, although likely for foreign students, can help reassure your parents that their ideals can be maintained at the large U. Good luck.</p>
<p>Littlefield Dorm at UT Austin is only for freshman women. It is small and quiet. There are nice RA’s. Kinsolving is a livelier women’s dorm. The honors dorms are relatively quiet. (It is late June now. Are you thinking that you may start at UT this August? Where would you live?)</p>
<p>Hahahaha no, no NO I filled out the application, submitted my essays and had an interview all myself, but this was all past the scholarship deadline. My dad wrote a letter directly to the president of the college asking them to look at my file and consider me for the scholarship. I thought there was no way they would allow it so I didn’t worry til my dad told me they HAD given me the scholarship!</p>
<p>As for how late it is…I have paid the enrollment deposit at UT and am planning to live in Dobie which still has rooms. I know it is more expensive, but my housing contract got cancelled and there is nothing left now. The smaller school (Lambuth University…since I havent mentioned it!) apparently can make exceptions in every aspect, and knows I (aka my parents) are still deciding.</p>
<p>My parents certainly have the money to support me at UT as their EFC is over $70,000 yearly! On top of that, I will only be at UT for 2 years since almost all of my credits are transferring. Even more on top of that…I have the Texas Tomorrow plan so my tuition was locked 8 years ago. So I dont feel like I’m making any outrageous demands…but my dad is a notoriously stingy Indian, and “free” is always better than “cheap” no matter who you are.</p>
<p>Thank you all for your replies! My dad and I (my mom is trying to stay neutral and justs wants me to be happy) have been talking in circles about this for months, so right now I’m gonna get all the facts, feelings, money etc straight and talk to him one last time. I get $200 off my lease at Dobie if I turn it in by July 2, so we’ve agreed that is our deadline. I’ll let you all know what happens…any last minute advice is still appreciated though!</p>
<p>There is another, imo more accurate and relevant, saying:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I would guess that the long-run personal and financial value of UT to you (after allowing for UT’s low but nonzero upfront cost) are higher than those of the other college.</p>
Maybe your parents aren’t as clueless as you think they are… Maybe they don’t want that possibility of you associating with the major party crowd? Maybe it’s better and just smart to attend a school on full-aid?</p>