Honestly, I think that some people look for just about any excuse to be offended.
As an Asian immigrant who grew up in the USA, I have been asked this numerous times over the years. It’s pretty easy to discern malicious intent, and I cannot think of the last time it was asked that way. Most of the time it is real curiousity mixed with a lack of tact. There are worse issues in the world to worry about.
As a white person with an accent that is hard to decipher because of a mixed cultural upbringing when asked “where are you from”, which happens ALL the time, I answer “Guess”. They never do but it’s a fun game.
I taught before retirement. When “teacher” was the answer to the “what do you do” question, the response was either (a) giving off a vibe to the effect too bad I couldn’t get a real job or (b) dumping on me all of their issues with schools in America. I have pointed out to people that I took all the same math and science courses as the chem majors, but took ed courses instead of “fun stuff” they may have taken (then they walk away and ignore me, so maybe I won?)
This just makes me think of the song my girls got off TikTok
“No one asks you questions when you say you are an accountant”
I am, but also a paralegal, which people do ask further about lol.
Same here, white person with an accent. The funny thing is that when I ask people to guess they very rarely get right. It’s very interesting where they place my accent, guesses have spanned three continents so far 
I think the reality is that most of us do have triggers. Having a lost a child, I get tense when someone asks me how many kids I have. Most people wouldn’t think twice about asking someone that question.
I guess I had a different experience than a lot of you. During my 10 year stint as a SAHM I was almost always praised for that. It was sometimes annoying to me. People I had just been introduced to went on and on about how I was such a “good mother” for staying home. I frequently told them that I was a a good mother for the prior 6 years when I was also working outside of the home!
I never mind being asked that question in itself though.
@MaineLonghorn I have had that happen too! We were married for 10 years before having kids and I went to a lot of events where people asked H what he did and asked me if we had kids. When I said “no”, they frequently ignored me after that!
A Canadian friend of mine worked in Boston for a few years and was struck by that Bostonians asked “Where did you go to school?” They were looking to suss out where you stood in the social hierarchy. Harvard? Does that mean Harvard Law versus the College? BC? BU? He said they were completely stumped when he said University of Calgary.
@MaineLonghorn, we live in a very affluent town where a lot of highly educated women have stopped working. For better or worse, they a) may find it hard to continue pursuing high level professions and have kids; and b) because they can afford it. Some retain their jobs but many don’t. I have felt it might be awkward to ask the women as there is a status in having a high-flying job that they have left. But I wouldn’t ask the male and not the female when both were there. But, maybe I should just ask.
When my wife was in school in France, she said people would ask who her grandparents were or where they were from but never asked what did they do. Like the Bostonians, they were trying to place others in the social hierarchy.
My bil is a physician. It’s become that he really doesn’t like to go to places where the people aren’t family, childhood friends or occasionally other physicians. He is so tired of the medicine questions. Everyone has a question when they find out what he does.
He will talk your ear off about his hobbies or the business of medicine.
As I always say, my husband doesn’t get a lot of questions from his engineering speciality.
Lol, I thought you were suppose to say that you went to school in Cambridge or New Haven?
And then are the Texas A&M people who have rings and seek each other out
I agree it’s a bad question to ask for lots of reasons. In my 30s I was asked that by a total stranger. I was still recuperating from a hysterectomy that followed quite a few other operations and just replied, “I’m not” before walking away to compose myself.
The “what to you do?” question never bothered me, as long as my reply about homeschooling wasn’t met with the husband telling his wife she should talk to me about it and the wife looking at me with daggers in her eyes.
Until I lived in New Orleans, I’d always lived in places where Catholics were a tiny minority. Your comment reminded me of a cookbook I ran across years ago. The title was “Who’s your mama, are you Catholic, and can you make a roux?” You know, all of the important things to learn about a new acquaintance. 
Where H grew up, a lot of folks ask people where they went to high school. I was told it’s typical, particularly among those who went to private schools. Apparently, there’s an academic hierarchy of Catholic high schools with the Jesuit ones at the top. Sometimes those who didn’t attend a Jebbie school can be offended by the question.
But also, in Louisiana, “parish” can also refer to a local government or area that would be called a “county” in most other states.
So, at my 20-year high school reunion, one of my friend’s husbands (who didn’t attend high school with us) was asked, “What do you do?”, and, without batting an eye, he answered, “I’m a shepherd.” And then just rolled with it when people in the group started asking him questions about shepherding. It is to this day a favorite story among my high school friends. Just talked about it last weekend.
I know a former high-ranking exec from Walmart. If people asked him what he did, he would just reply that he worked at Walmart. Depending on their seeming attitude about his answer (‘cause lots of folks love to hate on Walmart), he sometimes would then tell them he was a cart pusher if they were acting snooty.
My husband does not usually tell people what he does. He isn’t that high on the totem pole but he will just tell them his work site. Not that he’s in charge of it.
The union employees love him for his attitude. Well most of them!
This reminds me of a very awkward conversation over 20 years ago. My D’s Girl Scout troop was having a hayride, and parents were also there. We were new to the area, and I wasn’t familiar with the girls or the parents.
One of the dads mentioned he had to leave for work. It was evening, but our town had a lot of manufacturing facilities and also 3 hospitals, and I knew a lot of people worked the third shift.
So I asked where he worked, and he replied he was a bouncer at a Gentleman’s club.
I was trying to be polite/non-judgmental, and found myself replying “what an interesting job!”
I haven’t been asked the “what do you do” question very often. But you can sometimes get the feeling that you are being asked just to put you in your place.
Well, I was ( now retired) a engineering manager in the manned space program. It was my dream job since about the third grade. I know the history of the space program in great detail and have lots of stories about my career. If I am in the mood, I can really make that person regret asking me that question.
I’m guilty of asking. I’m always curious what interesting and varied careers are out there, that I never realized existed. Retired now, but I organized several career days as a volunteer in the local high school, so there was often a purpose to the question.
I easily understand most traditional careers (nurses, teachers, police, bankers, construction trades, programmers, artists, etc.), but I was always curious what people “in business” do, so I would ask them to describe a typical day. One person answered they golf every day, and make business deals.
The vast majority of people enjoy talking about themselves and it’s not hard to get them to engage. It’s the few that keep turning questions onto me and I realize that they’re one of the few that can turn the tables.