In Germany “Where are you from?” was a standard question among Germans. Someone would be from 50 miles away and have a totally different accent. Once when the luge team won gold at the Olympics they actually put their comments in subtitles in standard German they were so hard to understand! Our super spoke Bayerisch and I couldn’t understand a word he said for the first couple of years.
(I got asked where I was from a lot too as I spoke German with an accent no one could quite place, which I blame on spending a year in France and working very, very hard on getting rid of most of my American accent.)
I used to have that conversation relatively frequently. When I used to fly for business, I would often sit in first or business class and would frequently ask the person next to me what he/she did or they would ask me. I often learn interesting things from asking followup questions.
I don’t mind at all answering the question. I have a relatively unique job. Most people would not know it existed and find it interesting.
I do agree with @HPuck35 that the question can be intended or have the effect of locating people’s spots in the social hierarchy. In Japan, the beginning of any conversation between strangers involves actually figuring that out because that apparently determines the verbs and choices of words they use.
This is what we’ve found too - worldwide - and those conversations help us learn so much about humans/places even if they’re specific stories vs data about the norm. It’s fairly easy to spot those not so interested and just move on, but that’s been rare in our experience.
I wonder if those who like it the least spend more time online where they don’t have to engage in person?
I don’t know how true it is, but our German exchange student back in '99/'00 told us people in Germany learned not to ask, “what do you do” back in the war days when it was better that no one knew. After the war everyone just “knew” everybody had a part in it and didn’t want to know more.
This came about in a discussion we were having about differences in culture. She was also super surprised that Americans address ourselves as “we” when referring to Americans. eg “We start school at 5” or “we tend to eat lunch from 11-1,” etc.
Personally, I learn a lot from exchange students as they tend to be quite willing to compare. We learn from cab drivers and other travelers as well. Anyone willing to share. We’re not picky.
Worse though was the time I went with a gal pal (stay at home mom) to a school fundraiser party at a private residence in the swanky part of town. It was a “cigars and poker” theme, which sounded like fun. Turned out the poker was men only, as were the cigars.
I was such a fish out of water. The women all knew each other, presumably because they did all the PTA stuff together (presumably because they didn’t work). I wouldn’t know, as no one voluntarily talked to me other than my friend. It was a very disturbing party - the segregation and the limited topics of conversation among the women.
If only just one person asked me what I did! I have done my share of cocktail talk. But it has mostly been in environments where the assumption is that women could be working outside of the home. I imagine it would have offended the women there if I asked what they did, and it was an unspoken rule that you didn’t.
DH is on the radio and for some reason he never thought to come up with a “stage name”. There have been times where he meets someone for the first time and introduces himself, they hear his name and recognize his voice and honestly freak out, start shouting to others and pointing him out. He handles it gracefully but I usually step back and blend into the paneling because I get so uncomfortable.
That sounds painful! A decade or so ago I decided to seek out anyone alone or looking like a fish out of water at social, charity, what-have-you events and just chat. It was (and still is) a skill I want to hone. And yep, people like to talk about themselves.
What do you do? Reminds me of the 50s “How do you do.” The answer was always “How do you do.” Not a question, just a greeting.
When I tell people what I do, there is generally a pause, and they either stop talking to me about it or there would be a lot of questions.
I like to ask people what they do because I am usually genuinely interested. I find almost all jobs are interesting.
The objection to this question still astounds me. I just don’t see it as intrusive or judgy.
It feels to me that people are forming an opinion about a person just for asking this common question.
My challenge might not be to the questioner but to the person being asked. How do you respond? Can you respond in a way that is perhaps more fun and lighthearted? Can you respond in a way that tells what your life (not necessarily work) interests are?
I see it as a serve and return question. You tell me what you “do” and likely you’ll return it back to me and I’ll share too.
It is a very common question in some parts of the country, but very much not common in other areas of the country. In the parts of the country where it’s common it wouldn’t be seen as rude, but in the parts of the country where it’s not common it might be. Make sense?
I would find that offensive frankly (and I DO go to a church) but I guess that’s the south for ya. That would NEVER be asked up here in heathen Massachusetts (where we may not all go to church but have the nation’s highest avg marriage age AND the lowest divorce rate–two might be related??)
My mother was happy to tell people she was an atheist, but there was a definite pause before people figured out what to say now. I have a more complicated answer to the question, but rarely get asked.
