“To be honest” for me indicates the speaker is about to be more direct. It’s an indication that he or she is going to give you the dignity of exposing more direct, usually negative, thoughts, because they think you can handle it or that your relationship deserves that unvarnished truth.
For example, when asked about a course of action, I might reply:
A) To someone who doesn’t want a direct answer or to whom I think it won’t be welcome: “That’s not exactly what I would do, but it’s not my decision.” This response is still HONEST but vague and non-confrontational.
B) To someone I know well or when I want to show with respect that I think they can handle the truth:“To be honest, I think that is a terrible idea that will backfire.” This response is also HONEST and often invites a back and forth about their reasoning.
C) To someone I don’t respect or care about and frankly, don’t like at all: “That is really stupid.” Also, an HONEST response, but one clearly meant with disrespect. (To be fair to myself, I don’t even recall the last time I would have said anything like this. I learned as an academically ambitious young woman in the South in the 1980s to couch all thoughts in extra words to make them palatable.)
All three responses are honest. The phrase, “to be honest” acts more like a marker to show the person that he or she fits into the level of my showing respect for their ability to have an actual discussion about it.
“So you weren’t being honest in what you previously told me?”
“Does it make sense” is a valid question, IMO. It’s good to get someone else’s view on your thoughts. I’ve certainly had people tell me things that did not make sense, as they often didn’t have important information.
Again, I believe “to be honest” is used as a softener and signifier, not as a literal statement. Another example of this is when people say “in my opinion.” After all, shouldn’t I assume it is your opinion unless you state otherwise, e.g. “In the opinion of the California Supreme Court in 1989”. They say “in my opinion” to soften it.
English, as well as other languages I have studied, but I can’t speak for all of them, is not literal in every word or phrase used. Often words are serving purposes beyond their literal denotations, and I don’t just mean idioms in that but also phrases that are culturally understood to soften statements or otherwise change their import.
“To be honest” usually means “to be candid” or “to speak freely with honesty and candor about my personal feelings”, but that’s a wordy mouthful, so people shorten it to “to be honest”. You might say it like, “to be honest, I think it’s not really a good idea to spend $500 on lottery tickets” or “to be honest I think Steve Buscemi is kinda hot” or “to be honest I think this proposal from the client is not in the firm’s best interest.”
Agree about the “To be honest…” analysis! I’ve heard a lot of disparagement re: that phrase, but to me it’s a precursor to “something I am a bit on the borderline of sharing but I feel like it’s important to say to you.” Kinda of like - “I wouldn’t say this to everyone, but I’m saying it to you.”
I suppose the context can vary the intent/interpretation, but that’s my sense.
“shoe in” as in He’s a shoe-in for admission. It’s shoo- in !!!
“for all intensive purposes” instead of for all intents and purposes
“Pardon my French…” To me that’s as if you’d said “I know this well offend you, I don’t care if it does, and I want to make a point of telling you I know and don’t care.”
I find new “fad” words to be fascinating even if I would at my age never ever use them. I’m intrigued by their etymology. For example who comes up with the word that is next in the long line of “cool” (a word which has held on much longer than expected.) How does it happen. I just read about the origins of the new word “Rizz” that has suddenly exploded into the lexicon ( from Tic Toc.) It’s the equivalent of “game” in the context of attracting dating partners It’s derivation is apparently from “charisma”… I had never heard of it, then started seeing it. I’m sure it will turn up here eventually. Lol. I don’t expect for it to last long though.
I kept thinking there was one missing here that has always annoyed me, but couldn’t put my finger on it. I figured someone would eventually mention it.
“Throw up in my mouth a little.”
No offense, Novacat, but that phrase has always seemed so crude and unneccessary.
Lol, I was not a flower child, but am known for often using “groovy” to describe something especially in texts and use the word “vibes or good vibes” all the time.
but that phrase has always seemed so crude and unneccessary.