<p>It is very interesting and tells a good story. You can certainly get this all across in a shorter form by editing.</p>
<p>This for instance, could be combined into one sentence:
In my room was my own little world. No one could get to me. Nothing could harm me if I stayed here. It was my cage that I could not escape from. It was my box that wasnt fully opened until about 4 months ago.</p>
<p>I don't like this sentence coming from out of left field: "I walked into the room with apprehension". It is like you are trying to start a new essay.</p>
<p>I think you should spend time showing what your life is like now. Otherwise it begs the question what is different?</p>