What do you think of this soon to be scrapped essay if i dont get positive feedback

Applying to College
1

check it out…thanks

<pre><code> I have to live with it every day. Of course I understand that I’m not quite the same as everyone else, but I just do not understand why people have to treat me like some sort of freak. From strangers, friends, and even family, I have to take the comments, the stares, the insults, and, yes, sometimes even the car horns. At times, it can be difficult, but I just have to take it all in stride. I have come to accept the fact that I cannot change who I am, and who I will always be: a runner.
So all right, the comments I get aren’t normally too harsh, and, from time to time, the notes of support and admiration do usually boost my spirits. Plus, there are only so many variations on “hey skinny” and “way to run in circles” that the “runner-haters” can come up with before their comments get a little stale. Then again, the critics do have a few valid points. But so what if my calves are bigger than my biceps? And I don’t care that the usual race involves running several maniacal loops in a 400 meter circle (technically an ellipse, but I let it slide). So much more lies beneath the obvious, and the non-runners will just never understand. They’ll never be able to fully realize just how deeply and profoundly running has enhanced and defined my life.
The shift from the innocent “Wanna’ race to the dumpster?” in grade school to the slightly larger scaled, more serious—and more fun—competitive running in high school brought with it an even greater change to my life. It was the small signs of the transformation that showed up first. I began walking a tad bit faster in the malls, started referring to the metric system a little too often, and began readily consuming abnormal amounts of water. However, these changes paled in comparison to the internal transformation I was experiencing. Taking on the lifestyle of a runner has empowered my body and mind in a way I’d never thought possible.
Maybe it’s the oneness with nature, maybe it’s the endorphins, maybe it’s the escape from the chaos of everyday life, but nothing clears my head and invigorates my body more than going out for that long run, taking a turn I’ve never taken before, tripping over a rock, and falling into a knee deep creek. In addition to being a sure winner of a tale for the teammates, experiences like this have taught me the benefits of taking chances in order to discover the good things and learn from the unexpected. I can’t tell if a new trail will lead to the backyard of a disgruntled homeowner or into some of the most beautiful scenery I’ve ever seen, and so, I take a risk. I seek out and follow those new paths in my life, in hopes of finding the new splendors: new ideas, new people, and new excitement.
Also, nothing has taught me the values of perseverance and optimism better than being halfway through a 3.1 mile race. Right around the critical 1.5 miles, the determined make the move and the mentally weak give in to the doubt, the pain, and the struggle. In developing myself into one of the few who push through, I’ve strengthened my ability to face adversity, overcome it, and achieve a goal, be it a trophy, a grade, a friend, or the confidence to achieve again. These values have proved invaluable to me time and time again, but these benefits are just a few of many I’ve received. Being a runner, I feel involved, energetic, motivated, and alive. Certainly, because of this, my last four years have made for a rich and valuable high school experience that I’ll never forget. And, for the time being, I’ll have to eagerly wait to see what sort of new excitement, challenges, and rewards that running can offer me as I move into the next four years of college.
So, hopefully the next time you’re driving along and see a crazed – yet determined – runner braving sleet in 10 degree weather, you look past the obvious eccentricities and admire what is behind the sweat and pain. Oh yeah…and sometimes, we like those car horns too.
</code></pre>

hmm?? what say you?

2

<p>I think you may be exaggerating your "plight"....I mean...why would there be "runner-haters"? Or maybe that's just me. Also, cut down on some of the listing, you know, the "blah, blah, blah, and blah" cuz it starts getting redundant. It's passable, but didn't really catch my attention. Then again, I'm a bored teenager, who am I to say =)</p>

3

<p>I loved it, but I am a runner. It shows your personality and your sense of humor as well as your passion for running. Do not scrap it.You can work with the intro a little to polish it and make it more fluent but it did grab my attention . If I were a rep, I would want you.</p>

4

<p>IT's excellent, except the beginning about people treating you like a freak for being a runner, that seems like an obvious exaggeration. There's no need to pretend running makes you some sort of pariah.</p>

5

<p>I dunno...I always thought the main goal of a college essay was to "show, not tell". It seems that you have to explain too much of it in how it relates to your personality. Can't you...subtly imply it? =D</p>

6

<p>haha ive been getting these 50/50 responses from everyone, the begininng is supposed to be an attention getter, gah, not sure whether to start a new one</p>

<p>this showing not telling thing is a real problem too, can people give me an example of showing??? the whole point of this essay is that its hard to show people what i really am, so i kinda have to tell</p>

7

<p>i like it-- i expected the "issue" you talked about in the beginning to be some disease, and then I found out it was running. Great use of humor.</p>

<p>I like it, I think it's fine.</p>

8

<p>i like the beginning, too, i thought it was clever. i smiled.
the only thing i would change to do more showing and less telling is all the elaboration in the last paragraph.
"Maybe it’s the oneness with nature, maybe it’s the endorphins, maybe it’s the escape from the chaos of everyday life, but nothing clears my head and invigorates my body more than going out for that long run, taking a turn I’ve never taken before, tripping over a rock, and falling into a knee deep creek." <-- that sentence is fine on its own WITHOUT "In addition to being a sure winner of a tale for the teammates, experiences like this have taught me the benefits of taking chances in order to discover the good things and learn from the unexpected. " that sentence tells. the first one shows. so does the next one; go right from the first sentence into "I can’t tell if a new trail will lead to the backyard of a disgruntled homeowner or into some of the most beautiful scenery I’ve ever seen, and so, I take a risk. " that on its own tells plenty about how you like to "find the new splendors," so take the next sentence out. they're fine sentences, well crafted whatever, but they tell.
etc. it's a pretty good essay. i like it.</p>

9

<p>i think im just gonna take the chance with the intro and thanks for the advice on the showing nonsense, im sorta picking up how to do it, still rough</p>

<p>thanks for the responses so far, any else?</p>

<p>and for those who arent a fan of the intro, how would i go about being more light hearted?</p>

10

<p>Aren't calves supposed to be bigger than biceps? Maybe change biceps to neck. That would be pretty sweet.</p>

11

<p>bigger than jesus.</p>

12

<p>Yea bro, your calves are bigger than your biceps (unless you're a proffesional bodybuilder/really work out). If you're skinny, your calves will be bigger. My arms are around 14", my calves are 16ish.</p>

13

<p>well now that you made me measure im lookings at 9" for the biceps and 14"
i guess i just assumed this wasnt normal, seemed to me like the average guy had a bit more upper body strength than me (i weigh 145 maxed out 120 at bench press oh yeah!)</p>

<p>and my calves arent bigger than my neck, or jesus, so im not quite sure that would honestly fit, i think the adcoms will get the picture..hopefully..</p>

<p>im just praying a runner gets this essay</p>

14

<p>ok heres a fixed last two paragraphs..what do you think..</p>

<pre><code> It’s within the first few steps of any run, when my mind gives way to the rhythm of my feet and the pumping of my heart, that I feel alive. The fresh air enters my lungs, and all the stress and tension, for those sixty minutes, are pounded through my legs into the oblivion of the dirt below them. My body takes control, wandering roads and woods alike, moving place to place in its thirst for new places. I’m never really sure if a new trail will lead to the backyard of a disgruntled homeowner or into some of the most beautiful scenery I’ve ever seen, and so, I adventure a little. Sure, sometimes I face the unexpected. I’ve found myself in wading through a cold and stagnant creek surrounded by thorns searching desperately for a way out, but I was laughing and enjoying every moment. On the opposite side, I’ve sometimes found myself coasting along a mountain ridge in mid-Fall looking down upon a myriad of colored trees. I’ve learned that each path, regardless of where they take me, offers a unique and unforgettable experience.
Races too offer their own separate breed of lessons. During a standard 3.1 mile race, and right around the critical 1.5 miles, the determined make their destiny and the mentally weak give in to the burning legs, the fading hopes. Much to my disappointment, making the switch from giving in to giving it all didn’t come so easily. Being a runner, I feel involved, energetic, motivated, and alive. Certainly, because of this, my last four years have made for a rich and valuable high school experience that I'll never forget. And, for the time being, I'll have to eagerly wait to see what sort of new excitement, challenges, and rewards that running can offer me as I move into the next four years of college.
</code></pre>

15

<p>amazing. a few technical errors. but amazing. why o why can't i do that.</p>