The Best Essay You'll Ever Read on CC

<p>Just kidding. </p>

<p>1000 words. An experience that has influenced you.</p>

<p>Comments? Criticism? Let me know:</p>

<hr>

<p>I have a sneaky suspicion that I’m fooling everyone when it comes to running. Oh sure, I seem experienced, with my knowledge of slow-twitch muscle fibers and advice on fartleks. But when push comes to shove, I collapse in a mess of near-asthmatic wheezing and gasping.</p>

<p>My parents were actually mildly surprised when I decided to take up cross-country in the first place. I had never shown any inclination toward sports, except maybe ping-pong. The truth is, I desperately wanted to be an amazing athlete. I saw them: the bronzed and muscular athletes in Sports Illustrated, on the beach, in the airport. They always had an easy gait, a graceful posture- oozing with confidence and empowerment. I wanted to be like that too.</p>

<p>But, no matter how hard I tried, I always ended up slowing to a walk. Part of it was the burning sensation in my legs. Part of it was the ripping ache in my chest. But mostly, it was the sight of the slowest, most out-of-shape girl on the team ten paces ahead of me. It was so discouraging. How could I be such a phony? </p>

<p>“Nonsense,” my coach dismissed. “It’s all mental.” I understood perfectly: you had to be mental to take up running.</p>

<p>The meets were the worst. That was when I was forced to mingle with the real runners: the tall, lanky girls who threw around phrases like “PR” and “split time” in everyday conversation. The most ironic part was that they usually started the varsity boys’ teams right after the junior varsity girls. This meant our boys would inevitably catch up with me in mere minutes, yelling encouraging things like “Let’s go [Raspberry Smoothie!” and “Longer strides, [Raspberry Smoothie]!”</p>

<p>“Well, why don’t you just quit?” my skinny, athletic sister wanted to know after one brutal track meet. (By this time, I had somehow gotten bullied into signing up for winter and spring track as well).</p>

<p>I stared at her incredulously. “What? Don’t be ridiculous,” I said.</p>

<p>Of all my running experiences though, I think I hit my lowest point in the winter of tenth grade. On this particular day, I was running the mile on an indoor track. The cowbell rang, indicating that the first girl had only one more lap to go. In a desperate attempt to reach the girl in front of me, I sped up my pace. I don’t think I had any concept of time in the agonizing seconds that followed. All I could recognize was the pitying looks on my teammates faces and that damnable, black silence in the gymnasium.</p>

<p>I finished without any cheering or fanfare. It wasn’t even a relief- just a humiliation.</p>

<p>“What was my time,” I muttered to Coach [X]. [X] had been named All-American in ice hockey when he was younger, and ran the New York City Marathon every year. Rumor had it, he ran with his boys during practice and often outran them in their seven or eight mile treks.</p>

<p>Coach [X] stared at me. “Time? What time?”</p>

<p>My own coach had forgotten that I was running in the race.</p>

<p>“Never mind,” I told [X]. The very same night, I switched sports to intramural ping-pong.</p>

<p>But somehow, every sport I took afterwards always came back to running. In basketball, we were first evaluated by our mile times. Our field hockey practice when it was too cold to play outside? A three-mile run. It seemed I would never escape running.</p>

<p>This summer I worked in Washington DC as an intern.</p>

<p>“Hey [Raspberry Smoothie],” my dad said enthusiastically. “There’s a great running route on [X] St., right next to the office. Four miles, goes right onto the boardwalk. I bet you’ll wanna give this a try?”</p>

<p>“Yeah, that’s just what I was thinking,” I said.</p>

<p>So I gave it a try. It was difficult not to, with my father (and his camera) waving in the distance. I told myself it was just to keep in shape. And I would stop as soon as I was out of sight.</p>

<p>And I did stop. But I looked at the runners around me: some of them fast, some of them slow. I began to feel a nagging itch, a guilty sensation about stopping. So I started again. </p>

<p>The next day, I did it again. There were so many senior citizen runners who passed me, I figured there must be an early bird special somewhere on [X] Street. But by the time I finished my run the day afterwards, I knew I had no more choice in the matter. Inexplicably, I was hooked on a running cycle again.</p>

<p>My family soon learned not to ask about times or mileage. Instead, they asked about how it felt, what I saw. And the truth was, it wasn't bad. I liked what I was feeling. I liked what I was seeing. There was no pressure to keep up with the faster girls, no coach yelling to pump my arms more, not even an angry whistle indicating poor form.</p>

<p>“What’s the matter, [Raspberry Smoothie]?” my sister asked after I snapped at her one day. “Miss your morning run or something?”</p>

<p>I turned to her, ready with an angry retort. But I surprised myself. “Yeah,” I said. “It feels really weird not starting off the day with a run.”</p>

<p>That was last Tuesday. I’ve already ordered some new running gear for this school year. I figure I’ll use some of the old cross-country routes, maybe explore a little if I’m ambitious. Not every day, just three or four days a week.</p>

<p>But just to keep in shape, you know. Not because I really love it or anything.</p>

<hr>

<p>I love it. I really, really do. You have a great style - but I don't know if it is college essay material. The others on here have a better idea of that sort of thing.</p>

<p>I enjoyed this essay tremendously. Good job!</p>

<p>I love it, too. As long as you are allowed 1,000 words, it's great.</p>

<p>You definitely have the right knack of how to tell a narrative for a college admissions essay. Good job! But I question if the directions allow for 1000 words. Please check. if it is asking for 500 words, this will not do and needs to be editted. I know that editted to cut it down is hard work (I have two kids who have had to do this with fine essays but it can be done). So, other than length (I have not seen applications wanting essays this long), nice going!</p>

<p>You could reduce the word count by cutting the parts where you mention yourself losing. One example should be enough.</p>

<p>I liked it too. I think the word count should be reduced to around 500 plus or minus 10%.</p>

<p>Witty, interesting, unusual. I liked it. A little long, as stated above. What do you plan in majoring in?</p>

<p>I love it. It gives me an interesting glimpse into you. I wish I knew you in person. You sound like a nice person with a great sense of humor. It's also nice to see a senior who's doing an activity for the pure enjoyment of it. I get so tired of students posting, "Should I do XXX EC to look good to college adcoms?"</p>

<p>I also loved this essay. You are a terrific writer! And, like Northstarmom says, your personality comes through beautifully - just what a college essay should do. Great job.</p>

<p>Great job! I too really enjoyed your essay. Fine writing.</p>

<p>Is this for Chicago? I think they would like it.</p>

<p>I really loved it. Kinda long though?</p>

<p>I agree with everyone else. Just make sure the word count is okay for the schools you send it to.</p>

<p>Yes, the poster was right - best essay on CC!</p>

<p>OK, since everyone loved it, perhaps you should hear from the other side. I note from your post to another essay writer that you are prepared to take criticism. </p>

<p>I found it very long and drawn out, with lots of unnecessary filler. To me, it was boring. I think you could cover this subject much better in a short 250 word essay where you could focus and be forced to condense the essence of the experience (I was not athletic, I decided to try running, I wasn't good, but I perservered). I think the 1,000 words are wasted on this subject. If you are given the rare chance to write 1,000 words, you have so much room to develop ideas, show some intellectual promise, reveal more about your experiences, your motivation and what makes you tick. I didn't get any sense of why you continued to run since you don't seem to like it and highlight how bad you are at it. It makes me wonder why you don't find something that pleases you more. I don't see how this has influenced you--maybe I'm being dim, but it would be better to spell it out.</p>

<p>Even if you stayed on the running theme, you could use some of the space for talking about things going on as time passed. Anything that would give a fuller sense of you.</p>

<p>I'd drop the sarcasm. I think you make a couple attempts at sarcastic humor that fall flat. This includes the opening and closing sentences, which I just don't know how to take. </p>

<p>So, my advice would be to use this subject for a short essay if that is an option. I don't mean to be harsh, just honest. Good luck. Tell us what school this is for if you don't mind.</p>

<p>excellent essay</p>

<p>one of the first essays on CC that I have been able to read in its entirety ;)</p>

<p>I really liked this. And... same thing as kkiwi. ;)</p>

<p>How depressing - you get the "best essay" title on first try. hahahah</p>

<p>just kidding - it was great :)</p>

<p>It's really good. Funny and nice to read.</p>

<p>Of all my running experiences though, I think I hit my lowest point in the winter of tenth grade. On this particular day, I was running the mile on an indoor track. The cowbell rang, indicating that the first girl had only one more lap to go. In a desperate attempt to reach the girl in front of me, I sped up my pace. I don’t think I had any concept of time in the agonizing seconds that followed. All I could recognize was the pitying looks on my teammates faces and that damnable, black silence in the gymnasium.</p>

<p>I finished without any cheering or fanfare. It wasn’t even a relief- just a humiliation.</p>

<p>.. I don't get it.</p>