What fo you think of this APUSH Thesis Statement ... Rate 1-10

Test Preparation AP History & Social Sciences
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Prompt: Analyze the responses of Franklin D. Roosevelt’s administration to the Great Depression. How effective were these responses? How did they change the role of the federal government?</p>

NOTE!! To my APUSH teacher!!! I’m not cheating Ms.S… I’m only taking advice from my fellow CC’s. I promise to keep my original thesis statement no matter how I decide to improve it subsequent the tips given to me. </p>

Now, here’s my thesis statement: </p>

Effectively responding to the problems of Great Depression, Franklin D. Roosevelt’s administration ushered positive changes to the role of the federal government in the US throughout the early 1920’s and the late 1940’s.</p>

2

This could definitely use some work. Thesis statements are supposed to show specifics of what you will further elaborate on in your body paragraphs. Let’s deal with the things that this prompt is asking:</p>

  1. Analyze the responses of Franklin D. Roosevelt’s administration to the Great Depression.

  2. How effective were these responses?

  3. How did they change the role of the federal government?</p>

  4. All you really say is “positive changes.” This sounds very vague to me. Specific examples might help, but at least mention the area where the positive changes took place (ie. government, economy, etc.).

  5. Again, the only mention of the level of effectiveness is summarized in the word “effectively.” Well, add details.

  6. There is no mention of this at all.</p>

Remember, APUSH essay readers spend an average time of 90-120 seconds on each essay. Therefore, the thesis is possibly the most important thing you can write. Always make sure to answer EVERY part of the prompt and discuss IN DETAIL what you will talk about in your thesis.</p>

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Thanks you so much.</p>

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I agree with the preceding poster. You need to identify three main points while analyzing the prompt in your thesis. For example, you could say he responded through the New Deal in the areas of social welfare, economic infrastructure, and political diplomacy. From there you elaborate. Include various new deal social reforms, economic inflationary policies, and finally WWII which ended the Great Depression. Make sure to then describe the effectiveness of these measures and the impact they had on the government. This could mean saying that Roosevelt promoted inflationary domestic policies then describing actions he took which led you to that conclusion (removing delegation from the London Conference). Then you should describe how the role of the government was changed by possibly saying that it intervened alot more in business by regulating prices for farmers. Good Luck.</p>

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I’m definitely taking your advice. Thanks! ^_-</p>