what / how can i write the UC Personal Statement

<p>i was directed from UCSD forum to here.. please help me understand..</p>

<p>Prompt #1 (freshman applicants)</p>

<p>Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<p>Prompt #2 (all applicants)</p>

<p>Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

<p>i get the statement.. but can i ahve tips on how to write it..
maybe some ideas (as an example)..one of my teachers said not to include "personal pronouns".. so i decided to ask the people who got admitted to UCSD for help.</p>

<p>please help</p>

<p>thanks!</p>

<p>PS: do i mention why UC would be a good school..or would i talk about my interests, and how my culture has significantly helped me (it has but i dont know how.. lol) im really confused..</p>

<p>BTW i have learned sanskrit and hindi by myself, should i mention that? (if yes, where?)..thanks again</p>

<p>The personal statements, at least what I think, should not be about why the UC is good. The purpose of personal statements is to tell the admissions committees why you’re special, what you can contribute to the school.</p>

<p>If you can write whole personal statements about learning sanskrit and hindi, then go for it, but you can list if elsewhere in your application. If you can’t find a place for it, there will be an Additional Comments part at the very end of the application.</p>

<p>Your teacher is wrong. So so wrong. It’s called a PERSONAL statement. You are 100% expected to use PERSONAL pronouns.</p>

<p>Write about challenges, or what you’re passionate about and why. You need not convince UC’ s why they are worthy of your app. I wrote about my experience with theatre, and the turmoil i had at home, academics served as an escape for me. Be genuine… uhm write in first person, and be sincere about your passions-best advice, get teachers that you trust to be honest and provide constructive criticism to look over your draft.</p>

<p>sid3000
what he told me was that he wrote this amazing essay saying something about mountains or something (using like 4 personal pronouns) and he got accepted every where he applied?</p>

<p>@ jaegerjaquez
oh i just read my mistake… i mean why the UC would be good for me… like what you said… what can i offer the UC… lol… thanks for catching that!</p>

<p>will do that but to others out there. this is kinda my outline:</p>

<p>prompt 1:
paragraph:

  1. how my mom made me study, etc
  2. my dad got me involved in my major
  3. how my school influenced me to chase my dreams
  4. umm one more random idea please?!?! (lol)</p>

<p>EDIT: my major is pharmacology
btw 2 things:

  1. i made a aspirin in one of my classes in high school. should i include that. (it was sort of a success)
  2. is biotechnology related to pharmacy? (just wondering… i think they are, but i wanted to check… ill also be googling it… but give me ur opinions!) </p>

<p>prompt 2:
i have learned the bass guitar and im still a basic learner, but it has helped me understand things about myself. i had always felt i was musically-challenged. i never listened to rock music, or for that part, at least music that included the bass. one day i picked it up, and started to play it. its a great thing. i can even play the National Anthem and happy birthday, without looking at the chord or the tabs or even the guitar stings and frets!. :smiley: (blah blah blah!)</p>

<p>i know its okay… but what do you people asy…
i know im gonna be asking my counelors nad all, every english teacher on campus and all, but justwanted ot make sure im on the right path. </p>

<p>so give me all you got…</p>

<p>i want to apply to UCSD, UCLA, and UCB… but my first goal is UCSD (i know sry… but i might think about the others if i get in… but i want to layer my essay so that both schools will be proud)</p>

<p>Watch this. Great tips. Helped me write my essay.
[YouTube</a> - Applying to UC: The Personal Statement](<a href=“Applying to UC: The Personal Statement 2007 - YouTube”>Applying to UC: The Personal Statement 2007 - YouTube)</p>

<p>Write a rough draft and then pay a professional to help you spice it up. Even if you absolutely suck at writing, the worst you’ll have to pay is maybe three hundred.</p>

<p>

STOP. Write this essay and you are guaranteeing yourself a rejection letter. </p>

<p>Your response to these essay prompts should not be a conglomeration of “random ideas.” Nor should you be approaching this the way you would be an SAT-style essay, a la an intro, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion. </p>

<p>You want to stand out, show off what kind of a person you are. It’s called a personal statement for a reason. Talking about things that probably 80% of applicants have gone through is not only useless, it is counterproductive. </p>

<p>What is unique about your background? Your environment? Talk about how this shapes your worldview. “I work hard because my parents told me to” is not a worldview, it is a casual observation. You need to be far more creative here. </p>

<p>

Ask yourself: “Is this something that represents who I am?” </p>

<p>If the answer is yes, then proceed. If not, find something else to explore. You want whatever skill/talent/experience you choose to be a snapshot of yourself, a small piece that reflects the aggregate. One girl I know chose to write about dipping her head into a bowl of chocolate pudding. And it was a fantastic essay - not just because the experience was humorous and interesting, but because she did an incredible job of relating the incident to herself as a person. Try to do the same thing.</p>

<p>i totally agree with TheHutt. you shouldn’t have ur parents in there at all. it could be a tramatic experience you went thru and explore more on that and how that shaped u. basically there are hundreds of ways to do an essay. took me HOURS, like literally 3 hours a night for a month…after 14 rough draft essays before i finalized the one i loved the most, before i found the perfect essay.</p>

<p>to me, i feel like first prompt is about ur family. well at least i wrote it that way when i was in ur position.</p>

<p>2nd prompt is all about urself… what you learn from this experience, how did it change you in personality wise. for example: how did this unfair experience from hospital change your view on justice and equality?</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>okay i see what you mean. so i can talk about being indian, and how i always read indian newspapers and am shocked at the destruction in india. umm… there are thousands of people in india who are illiterate, hundreds of thousands are suffering from a disease, and the majority have no money to live. i visit india almost every year and i see no progress in the country. it may be rising to be one of the global powers but the nation still doesnt care for its people. i want to be a pharmacist because i want to use this knowledge in medicine to go around the world (maybe teaming up with doctors) and helping people out with the type of medication they should take. many people around the world, who suffer from a disease, cannot do a thing about it, because they have no cash. (is this a good start or is this more leaning towards prompt 2?)</p>

<p>EDIT: or since im in america should i write about america too.? i dont feel like i should mention america because they have everything, but indians dont really have much… just a group of greedy politicians screwing the country)</p>

<p>btw thanks you TheHutt, Noxfinitie, and IMShynZ… that helped me alot :)</p>

<p>“for example, your family, community OR school” </p>

<p>Realize that it’s only listing examples, you don’t have to write about your family, community, or school. And notice the word or!! So don’t write about your family and school (like you listed in your outline), pick one.</p>

<p>Or something else that shaped you as a person. I wrote about Harry Potter, and it was my favorite essay I’ve ever written.</p>

<p>I normally hate writing, and this is the one time I had fun writing anything academic related. This is about YOU! It’s the one topic you are a complete expert on (and no one else is). Write until you feel you’re enjoying yourself, and then you’ll be on to something.</p>

<p>okay so this is sort of my outline (ish) for both prompts…</p>

<h1>1:</h1>

<p>i can talk about being indian, and how i always read indian newspapers and am shocked at the destruction in india. umm… there are thousands of people in india who are illiterate, hundreds of thousands are suffering from a disease, and the majority have no money to live. i visit india almost every year and i see no progress in the country. it may be rising to be one of the global powers but the nation still doesnt care for its people. i want to be a pharmacist because i want to use this knowledge in medicine to go around the world (maybe teaming up with doctors) and helping people out with the type of medication they should take. many people around the world, who suffer from a disease, cannot do a thing about it, because they have no cash. (is this a good start or is this more leaning towards prompt 2?)</p>

<p>EDIT: or since im in america should i write about america too.? i dont feel like i should mention america because they have everything, but indians dont really have much… just a group of greedy politicians screwing the country) </p>

<p>Prompt 2
i have learned the bass guitar and im still a basic learner, but it has helped me understand things about myself. i had always felt i was musically-challenged. i never listened to rock music, or for that part, at least music that included the bass. one day i picked it up, and started to play it. its a great thing. i can even play the National Anthem and happy birthday, without looking at the chord or the tabs or even the guitar stings and frets!. (blah blah blah!) </p>

<p>(also prompt 2:)
tenth and eleventh grade were the years i surprisingly shined. i never used to talk in class. i rarely raised my hand. it was just so embarrassing for me. every time the teacher called on me to read to the class or answer a question my ears would turn a shade of deep pink. i always wondered what the others would say or think about me. i never got together my own mental conscience, and never took a chance at life. however, in tenth grade i was assigned to make a video about some book we read (using a modern outtake) and show it to the class… as the movie ran on, my head was buried under my arms, shying away from the rest of the world where they would see my hideous and horrid acting. after the movie ended, everyone turned to me and said i did an excellent job, even the teacher was surprised. then for our Individual Learning Project, we each had to learn something and present it to the class. many chose dancing, or gardening, however i chose to learn a language- Hindi. We each had two practice rounds, where we would practice how to formally speak, etc. then the final presentation of what we learned. I nailed each and every presentation and shocked myself slightly more than i had shocked the class. every time i went up there i was a different person. i was no longer a shy person, but rather a public spokesman, enjoying every last bit of it. then in 11th grade we had to present a decade for US history./ my group chose the 70’s and i was appointed in charge of the entire project (overlooking it) and being Nixon. I was really nervous, my i could practically hear my heart beating and i felt like my chest would explode shooting out small confetti full of blood. when i started my Nixon speech i could see 28 pairs of eyes gleaming on me, laughing at me for the way i acted, watching me from every angle. But halfway i started gaining mental control and shocked the teacher and again everyone in the class…</p>

<p>(this is written from my heart, i dont know which category this fits, or if it even works… it sounds a bit like bragging, thats why i wasnt sure if i should use it…and thats why im asking you… ill ask my counselors and all, but wanted to know if i was on the right track…</p>

<p>thanks</p>

<p>The personal essay is a sales pitch. You are selling the admission officers on you. You are the product, and you come in one shape and size. Make them want you to attend their school. Show why you are ucla worthy.</p>

<p>For the 2nd prompt, I wrote about how I choose to focus on the opportunity in the challenges I face, and then I supported my thesis with concrete examples. </p>

<p>Follow your heart when writing this. Go climb a mountain and bring a journal, sit and meditate. The ucla worthy thoughts and ideas will flow into your head, so make sure to get them on paper to reflect a few days later</p>