I was working an event last week for work and as I was standing with a couple of colleagues we were talking about our kids. I have three - one is in higher education, one is a teacher working on a Master’s for administration, one is getting launched as a newly graduated health professions therapist. Two are currently going to be making more $$ than the teacher but that aside, one of my colleagues who was listening said to me “Ah, you have all helpers” - in other words they chose professions to face to face help others.
That struck me so positively. They ARE helpers. They are not rich, but they are happy and make a difference where they chose to make it. When I share about “what my kids are doing” I won’t and wouldn’t ever focus on the $$ in their bank account - but I will be very proud to describe their work and note that they are “helpers”.
We as parents cannot solve every problem for them. I tell my kids that I will raise them only once but will love them forever. What they do with their lives is up to them. If your son is happy, let him be. Your holiday dinners and relationship will be much better.
@bopambo I often think our little family approached things differently when our now adult D was growing up. Truly we didn’t care about school grades, instead our daily conversations swirled around what she got out of the day/the experience. We were more focused on the things that gave her joy (abundant reading, some track and field, and art, art, art). I can’t say there’s been a time when I “worried” about her financial prospects in the future. Maybe that was my own hippie Buddhist theories of “it hasn’t happened yet” so why fixate. From 14 on she always had some kind of paying job, Target, preschool teacher’s helper at the synagogue, Pinkberry, etc…today I continue to not “worry” about her financially. She is great at budgeting, enjoys her daily work, and will be able to figure “it” out going forward -
I say that as long as your (adult) son isn’t living on the street stealing for a meal he’s successful. There are different markers of success…is he a good person? Does he consider others and animals as being important? And more, so many more. Smile, be happy he’s doing something for the betterment of the earth, and most of all tell him how proud you are of him.
People can certainly be happy not making much money.
As long as kid seems to understand what they’re signing up for, there’s not much parents can or maybe should even try to do. We have one who went to a high cost grad school for what is clearly not a high paying field. We tried to encourage her to go to the less expensive grad school, but she made the choice, and took out loans to pay for it. (She was over 25 when these discussions occurred. At 18 I would have pushed harder).
I’d say it is fair to have discussions about likely career progression, or potential paths kinds of things, but other than that, be happy that kid is happy.
It was very important for my husband that our children picked a profession where they would make a good upper middle class living.
Me, I wanted my daughter to have a job where she could support herself if she were to be alone. My parents wanted me to have a job that I could work part time as raising children was important to them. They never went to college and had different ideas of what their children would do for a living than my husband’s parents who both went to college.
I have a nephew who is following his passion. Working in a sport he loves. I have to admit having mixed feelings about it. He’s in his late 20’s and has had A LOT of parental support. He just got a better job but is renting a duplex without laundry and a dishwasher. Before his parents bought him a house, they watched his dog all the time and finance his vacations, pay some of his bills. He’s not independent. He quit college after 3 years.
He is very happy in what he’s doing and I think was saving money. Probably because his parents are helping. But is he saving for retirement? A home purchase? Would he be able to get married without substantial help?
My kids on the other hand own homes, max out retirement. Can afford a dog walker. Fund expensive vacations with their SO’s. Fund their own weddings. Paid off their graduate degrees. Have their own health insurance. One has fertility treatments they paid for.
My daughter’s fiancé shared the same sport as my nephew. He went to college and medical school. And supports his sport by volunteering as a team doctor. He’s involved with his sport and also has another profession.
No one has to agree with me. I’m secure with that. I just see the opportunities and independence that my children have that have been given by their professions. You can make your way as you see fit and I don’t expect my opinion to be a popular one. It’s just mine.
What if a kid has a lower paying job, but can support him/herself? I know kids who don’t make a ton of money, but are totally self-supporting. Your nephew’s parents are making the choice to help support him. And I know plenty of people making upper middle class livings who have had a wedding paid for by their parents and had money to help buy a house. Guess, everyone is different. I’ve seen it go bad when parents try to tell their kids what to do or disapprove of what their adult kids do…sometimes you have to step back and let them live their lives and figure it out.
Every family has choices. Our family’s choice I guess was that we wanted our kids to have the same lifestyle choices that we had and more.
I think it’s great if your child can support themselves in a lower paying job. Or with 2 incomes can have a great middle class life.
And we were lucky that our kids are smart enough and motivated enough to succeed at what they do. And to enjoy what they do.
Many families still give their kids a lot of support no matter what the kids earnings potential is. That’s their choice. Our choice was to sacrifice, pay for college and then let them make their path.
My husband’s brother makes a lot of money. Sometimes I think his family thinks of him as a never ending supply to help them and pay for them. It’s a choice. We choose not to do that.
Looks like an entry park ranger starts at GS-5 to GS-7 pay level ($31,083 to $50,050). Mid (GS-9 to GS-11, $47,097 to $74,074), journey (GS-12 to GS-13, $68,299 to $105,579) and senior (GS-14 to GS-15, $95,973 to $146,757) can get higher pay.
I would be thrilled that my kid was working in a job he was happy in. I really can’t imagine telling my kids what kinds of jobs I want them to have or how much money they should make. That would go over like a lead balloon in my family.
You might be able to do some estate planning and set him up for future needs if that would ease your mind. Maybe a trust or something?
Government benefits are good. He’ll pay into the retirement plan, plus their is usually 5% matching for TSP. Yes, it is hard to put 5% in for the match when you have a low salary, but just have him do it and he’ll be happy with that in 20 years.
It may be possible for him to work an online job too if he needs extra money. If he needs it, he’ll find a way to make the money.
It reminds me of a Mary Tyler Moore show episode where Rhoda finds a great guy but he’s leaving the city to be a forest ranger. Rhoda just couldn’t commit to that life style.
As UCB pointed out, the wages for park rangers eventually pick up “steam” and accelerate pretty fast starting mid career. Did you son finish grad school? If so he will be very competitive for management jobs and those higher wages. The wage steps have nothing to do with locale, so $80K working in Smokey Mountain National Park is a solid middle class income compared to $80K working in the Redwoods, for instance.
In addition to all of that, the retirement benefits are EXCELLENT and if you son continues on as a federal employee, and puts a modest amount in his Roth IRA for his whole career, you can be sure he will have a secure retirement.
All of that is just icing on the cake if he has a job he really likes–with freedom to move to some spectacularly beautiful areas.
Seems like lots of people here draw the line at whether someone can be self-supporting on the income level of the job (of course, this also depends on spending level). It looks like your nephew falls below that line, but the OP did not state that the son falls below that line or is at high risk of falling below that line.
Personally the OP’s son is making a living that has health benefits and a good retirement plan. That’s a big difference to me. Very different than my nephew.
I guess I wasn’t replying to the OP’s situation but my personal experience.
I think that my situation is very different than many here. We aren’t in a position to help our children other than paying for college. Which was done with a lot of hard work to give them that. Then we needed to fund our retirement.
My bil helps his children a lot and he’s able to. I don’t know if all that help is either appreciated or is a good thing. In my opinion.
Scubasue, what a great perspective, thanks. Yes, he did finish grad school. OK, I feel much better now. He’s having a great time, it’s just me worrying.