<p>^^Someone's bitter.</p>
<p>You gonna take that, Tom? ;)</p>
<p>I don't think so, Chaos. Put 'em up proudmom! (Wow that sounds kind of weird)</p>
<p>Others, I'm sure, have had great Exeter experiences. Others have had bad ones. I don't mean to say that the school is the Great Evil or anything, but I wish I'd had both the good and bad views of the school before making my choice, and my experience there reflected more of the latter.</p>
<p>This is interesting . One of my friends said that Exeter was their introduction to the drug culture.It seems that this could happen at any boardingschool, but that being his first response to me seemed stark.</p>
<p>yeah blair, the thing that confused me most last year was that there were so many people who really weren't prepared, or did not desire, to be at exeter... and yet they persist to stay... i think that's really dangerous, and i never understood why the school doesn't recognize the problem</p>
<p>"there were so many people who really weren't prepared"</p>
<p>^ what does one do to prepare?</p>
<p>hmm... basically to expect what would happen, and how to deal with those things when they did happen.... i.e. expect busier life, more work, lower grades, feeding yourself [hehe], dressing yourself [hehehe] properly, and also a life away from your parents/ old friends... you just have to expect and prepare for that</p>
<p>Maybe prepared isn't the word. I think most people expect those changes you described, but many aren't prepared for that major change in life. yes, they struggle and maybe fail, but people learn and change through their difficulties. I sure wasn't prepared, haha. but, going through that change and struggling/failing... I thought that was the whole point of going to boarding school. To be challenged. Maybe fail at overcoming the challenge, but you still learn in failing. I failed my prep year--not literally in terms of grades, but I feel I failed overall (I am your description of "unprepared" people, shocked by the low grades, the busy life, and life away from home, unable to pull myself together for two terms)-- because I eventually learned to manage it, and I wouldn't have experienced it had I stayed home at public school. But, I get good grades now, I am happy, I have friends, etc
So okay maybe prepared is the right word, but more like, prepared to overcome the change...eventually. (Edit: but then I wasn't really prepared to overcome the change at first... now I'm confusing myself. idk anymore, ignore me.)</p>
<p>I guess that pretty much answers the original question on this post. Exeter is STRESS and challenges and work. But Exeter is also best friends, teachers I can talk to, opportunities.... It's hard, but what I'm learning and gaining--it's definitely worth it, and I want to go back now to see my friends and the campus. :) oh... but the stress... sigh.</p>
<p>A teacher who recommended our child for Exeter said a pithy and later-to-be-discovered true thing about this school. Of the over 250 children in her class, he said, she was one of two who he would write a recommendation for Exeter.</p>
<p>He has taught for over 30 years, has a Ph.D. and is the head of his high school department. I think he knows the business.</p>
<p>My child excelled in her previous school, and worked well at Exeter. But, there was a lot of work to be done and she luckily had the intestinal fortitude to carry through it all.</p>
<p>This is far from being a school for everyone. Neither are many other things. And, you are no less a person (or a better person) by choosing to be part of "it." But, the Harkness, the teaching staff, the math department, the English writing, the athletic facilities, the art facilities . . . are not only maginificent -- they rival if not exceed those found in many top notch LAC's.</p>
<p>I follow my teacher's teacher's sage advice -- only few should go as only few can succeed or enjoy the strenuous life at Exeter. I surely know that I never belonged there.</p>
<p>I consider Exeter as one of the most prestigious private institutions in the nation / world. Similar to a miniature University which requires the student body to be highly motivated and more mature than most other teenagers. It is not alone, there are others but not many.</p>
<p>As an Exonian (rising senior), I can agree from experience that Exeter is not for everybody, but I'd be very wary of the assumption I've seen suggested here that the "select few" are somehow the "best," or that people that fit in at Exeter fit in because they are somehow more motivated or mature than the people who do not. "Prestige" has little to do with it. Of course, both motivation and maturity are necessary factors, to be sure, but a great deal of what makes Exeter "right" or "wrong" for someone is not based on merit or how "good" or even "mature" a student is. I'd argue that there is a very specific "Exeter Type." This "Exeter Type" is not only brilliant, mature, and motivated, but also ambitious, competitive, bitterly cynical, highly analytical both in and out of the classroom, intense, maybe a little awkward, and prone to emotionally compartmentalize/shut down/form a shell when threatened. "Nice" isn't particularly "Exonian." There is nothing inherently good or bad about being or not being that type of person, but I'd say those who are that way are better able to cope with Exeter than, say, an equally intelligent and mature person who is, say, extremely sweet, quiet, and trusting. People who aren't "Exeter Types" can certainly do well at Exeter, but I've found that they are usually far less happy with the place.</p>
<p>Am I the Exeter Type? It's hard to say...I think I've become more Exeter-Type with time, but I don't think that's necessarily a good thing for me. I've managed to "do well" at Exeter, whatever that means, gotten the grades I wanted, made great friends, pursued my passions, but I don't think I've been as happy as I could have been in my time there, and would probably have chosen a very different school had I been aware of the outcome back in March of '05.</p>
<p>ajadedidealist nails Exeter on the head. As I have said before, it's difficult to explain Exeter to anyone until they have experienced it. My son just graduated from Exeter and he has mixed emotions about the place. The friends that he made there will be his friends for life. But there are other aspects to his experiences at Exeter that are very negative. If he knew four years ago what he knows now, I'm not sure he would have chosen the school given the other excellent schools he was admitted to. But he will always have Exeter on his resume and the fact that he went to school there already turns heads and gives him advantages.</p>
<p>Where can idealism flourish?
This is a great thread and I really appreciate the candor. I am in awe of Exeter but recognize that my child is not the Exeter Type described by ajadedidealist. S is worldly on one level but naive and trusting on another level. He prefers collaboration over competition. Ajadedidealist, knowing what you now know, which school would you have selected instead of Exeter? Loophole, which school would have been a good choice for your son? Blee, Tuesdayair, any thoughts?</p>
<p>Thank you, ajadedidealist. You have described what I suspected, except that I think I'm more looking forward to Exeter, as opposed to regretting it. I am somewhat cynical, very analytical (in and out of classroom), I love discussion, and I'm not fond of being slowed down by unprepared and immature classmates. I knew I found my match a while ago.</p>
<p>blairt, Most, if not all of the Exeter students that I have met would describe themselves as you described yourself. Like I said, you can't understand it until you have lived it.</p>
<p>I agree, Loophole. Blairt, certainly you are not alone at Exeter in being "not fond of being slowed down by unprepared and immature classmates," but I highly doubt you will find any of those at Exeter. Being "not right" for the Exeter environment has absolutely nothing to do with being able to cope with the school's academics. That said, I certainly don't doubt that Exeter is "your match," and it sounds like you'll fit right in among the "Exeter Types."</p>
<p>I agree with ajadedidealist's description of the Exeter Type, especially the competitive and cynical part (not sure what she means by analytical, though). Initially, I had loved the competitiveness at the school but it gets to the point where classmates misinform you or pretend to not be able to help...and that's just annoying and stressful (took me a while to recognize the pretense at first). But usually people are willing to help. That's one of the things I like about Exeter; it's so easy to get help. And I don't think that these type of people only exist at Exeter. Maybe there are more, though, because of the competition? </p>
<p>I only applied to Exeter, so in choosing between Exeter and home, I would choose Exeter again. Would I have chosen a different boarding school if I had the choice? My first year at Exeter, I had thought that Choate would fit me better b/c of its music program. But after having experienced 2 yrs of Exeter, I would pick Exeter again over any other school (even as a musician). I can't explain why; I don't quite know myself. It's just something about Exeter--the campus? the stress? my friends? the classes? the prestige? I don't know-- that I like so much that it outweighs all the negatives. I guess I chose the right school.</p>
<p>Lexima, I think I would have been much happier at Andover, Hotchkiss, or even St. Pauls - a school to which I initially didn't even apply. In retrospect, the combination of great academics with a "nurturing," rather than cutthroat environment, and a better humanities program (Exeter is VERY math/science-oriented) would have been great for me.</p>
<p>However, I think I would have been much, much happier with a third option - staying at home. My family was considering moving back to NYC, and thus returning me to Chapin, a private girls' school there with academics comparable to an Exeter or Andover that I had attended K-6. I chose Exeter, partly to avoid putting the responsibility of moving on my family, but we ended up moving back (from Rome) a year later. </p>
<p>Or home-schooling? I loved being home-schooled, and it prepared me well enough for Exeter to allow me to graduate from there a year early. (I ended up skipping most of my lower year, long story). Home-schooling is obviously not for everyone, but I absolutely LOVED it; I learn best by reading and writing and thinking on my own, and am able to have a very long attention span when it comes to my passions, and I was able to keep up social contact by joining two French theatre troupes in Rome (I speak French almost as well as English, since I lived in Paris when I was very little and learned it early enough...).</p>
<p>I think that you're getting only one perspective of Exeter. I hope you realize that the majority of Exeter is in the "slow" student category. Unless you're a genius, it's pretty much very tedious for a bunch of students discussing something to understand the laws of physics. </p>
<p>Harkness is weird. It works sometimes, sometimes it doesn't. Most people are unhappy because they no longer are number one. I feel that Exeter is just a weird bubble. It's hard to explain unless you're there. And it's hard to explain how it is because everyone focuses on different things. It's not as intellectual as you might think, blairt. How many times have I discussed politics at dinner or agora? Almost none. None that I can remember. How many times have I gossiped and/or talked about Paris Hilton? Almost every day. Everyone is so drained from classes that talking about the differences in ideology is the last thing you want to do. </p>
<p>There will always be one person to upshow you. It's the way it is. It's Exeter. In all honesty, I only have one friend who reads for pleasure. I have "dumb days" when I just sit in front of the TV with my bffs and watch a marathon of The Simple Life or some sort of Hollywood gossip show. As a teacher once said, "Harkness. Another day. Another failure."</p>