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What is the one thing you would bring with you to Colgate?
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<p>Given the wording of that sentence I think babybird87's answer is quite acceptable. Eliminate the "with you", and the sentence would take on an entirely different meaning.</p>
<p>not that it is a bad thing but it would be like saying you will bring your blender for some good dorm parties............</p>
<p>usualy the stuff that Susan posts is fairly serious but I saw that and was laughing out loud </p>
<p>as an aside a couple of years ago I was reading the Chadron State College newspaper and there was a story about how the women on campus were miffed that the men on campus devoted way more time to ps2 than to them</p>
<p>wow, some defenses. i'm impressed!</p>
<p>i wrote a new one on "maturity". i'll post it when i get home.</p>
<p>I don't like to to comment on essays but this one struck a chord with me as my older son answered a similar question similarly. I did not think it was a very good answer but he submitted it none the less. And he did get into the school. His answer was a bit more in depth and personal than yours, however, but I still think the subject could come across as shallow to some people (like me) who do not have a high regard for time spent on game systems.</p>
<p>I could see an essay on video games if it then related to either some academic interest or even starting some club at college. The way this essay came across, however, was not a strong contribution.</p>
<p>OK, here is my other take on this essay:</p>
<p>The thing I would bring with me to Colgate would be my best quality-- my maturity. It's a word I've heard very often in conjunction with my name-- from friends, from teachers, from family, even from strangers. Ever since my childhood, I've been acting in a manner beyond my years.</p>
<p>I owe my maturity to a number of elements. From a very young age, I read constantly. I would read in the car, at family gatherings, even while walking. I desperately wanted to be just like the extraordinary adults I read about in books like The Three Musketeers, Journey to the Center of the Earth , A Tale of Two Cities . To be like those people, I knew, I would have to rise above the silliness of childhood companions.</p>
<p>Another contributing factor to my maturity is my travel experience. As a dual citizen of both the United States and the United Kingdom, I have been to visit Europe many times. Each time I go, I am exposed to different cultures. I grow more responsible with each trip. Being in front of great works like the Mona Lisa or visiting a masterpiece like the Sistine Chapel showed me the seriousness of what people could accomplish. I knew I wouldn't achieve anything like that if I didn't reflect the proper attitude.</p>
<p>I am ready to go to your university, and I've been ready for a long time.</p>
<p>eh, I liked the first one a lot, while it needs work, it's a good idea. You just need to make it more personable. This essay is to cliche.</p>
<p>hmm
Now I am the first to admit I can't write but what I get from your essay is a starting place. You mention that you have acted mature but you don't give any examples other than your love of reading adventure books.
If I was an adcom, I would like to see one event expanded so that I got a picture of who this person was at least at that point in time.
Generalizations don't work for me at least.
Take a situation and show how it changed you/made you think/want to do this...
don't tell, show. :)</p>
<p>Given the choice between the two, I like the first one better, just because it's different. The maturity one is a bit meh. The first one you should soup up a bit though, because right now it kind of sounds like you don't really care. PS2 is a fine thing to bring to Colgate, but even if you were trying to sound simple, it doesn't make a very good impression.</p>
<p>yeah, i'll break out my thesarus.</p>
<p>see, between a risky essay and a boring essay, i'd rather go with the risk.</p>
<p>Just another humble opinion here....I think the most important thing an essay should bring is sincerity. I didn't get a sense of sincerity with either of your essays. You need to write about something that you care about, that you are passionate about, and that you can write about with sincerity. If you do that, it won't be boring, it will portray your personality and voice, and it will not be cliche.</p>
<p>I definitely like the PS2 essay better. I'm sorry...but bringing your "maturity" or your "determination," etc. just makes me want to puke. Very difficult to do this without sounding like you're writing for effect. Plus it's boring. The PS2 essay isn't quite funny enough, but I think you can make it work. Maybe you can visualize your PS2 in different situations at college, or compare your PS2 to the objects others would bring, or talk about your struggle to do your work with your PS2 staring at you... I think it's possible for you to put a little bit more of your personality in it. Maybe it can be about loyalty (to PS2 even though newer tech is out). I don't particularly like the part about how you had your PS2 before everyone else. That makes me think you might be spoiled. Good luck.</p>
<p>Dang! Now I wish I was applying to Colgate THIS year instead of last year! I hated last year's question... this is so much better. Ugh.</p>
<p>You had me cracking a little smile there... so typical. But either color it up more or pick another object that will be of REAL use at Colgate like... yeah, a toothbrush, ha! Or a pen for writing exams!</p>
<p>Don't kid Colgate. It's very, very selective, more so than anyone imagined. Take it from me- a rejected legacy.</p>
<p>why don't you apply to hamilton instead, will save you the paranoia - and i think its a better school! hah im kidding, they are both great schools - but i think whatever you do, it will be fine.</p>