My advice, spent money at a high academic showcase. Was concerned it might not be “worth the money” but it most certainly was. No way to get so much info and introductions/contacts in such a short time. The main issue, your child must be outgoing and approach the coaches to introduce themselves. My child and I made a youtube page with many videos showing his skills, sent links to the youtube to coaches weeks before the showcase, indicating which showcases we would attend and asking them for suggestions as to where to meet. When you get to the showcases, some coaches have already “seen” your kid, and may go out of their way to see them in person at the showcase. We found coaches to be honest, telling your their opinion there and then. Ultimately my son was invited to two campus visits and both were academic fits for him so this really worked out well.
Point is, the process was complicated but the time and money spent made it much less so.
It also was difficult to keep both my children from deciding that since they liked school A the best, and the coach said they were good, that they didn’t need to keep schools B, C and D in the loop. Both children had disappointments thru the recruiting process, where a coach was perhaps “overly optimistic” to a 15-16 year old.
It’s hard because the child is supposed to be managing this very un-transparent process themselves with someone much older who has a lot more power. The kids hear what they want to hear, and you have to let them down without crushing them. I would say most of the coaches were honest, but that situations changed, and so recruiting priorities changed as well.
A coach who was practically beating the door down to get one child to commit in April said “not a good fit, we’ve found someone else” when my child was ready to commit in July. It was hard to build said child back up again after that! And then of course the one coach who out and out lied to one of my children right up to the ED deadline…Lots of tears and luckily that child had followed my advice and kept some options open…It’s really a stressful process for many.
Yes, lots of heartbreak. Hard to be the parent who encourages kid not to read too much into remarks. Coach at my kid’s absolute favorite school, an admission and athletic match, said kid was one of his top recruits, then simply stopped responding to emails. Another coach at an admissions safety, big athletic reach, was very encouraging for several months, then finally just stopped communicating. These teens desperately want to believe it all means something. A lot of the time, it means the coach is keeping the options open – as they need to – so the student athlete would be well-advised to do the same.
We had a good experience overall, but very few students get through the recruiting process without suffering a setback or two. My DS was lucky enough to have lots of interest – mainly D3 but also a few Ivies and a couple of top academic state schools (William & Mary, etc.). His first choice ended up being one of the Ivies, and, after the official visit in October, that one fell through without explanation. That was not fun and was a bit embarrassing. We had every reason to think it was going to happen – until it didn’t. DS quickly pivoted back to his other favorites, did two more official visits, and made his choice. He’s over-the-moon happy where he is. So – and we heard this many times, too, but still manged to get it wrong – don’t get too attached to any one college until you have a Likely Letter or acceptance in hand.
Circling back to say, yes, it all ends well, if you can avoid putting all the eggs in one basket. My kid loves his school, his team, his teammates, competing – everything. It took a lot of time and work, but he had several great options, chose his favorite, and it has been a huge success.
@SwimDad99 Glad your kid found a school he likes! You mentioned that few students get through the recruiting process without suffering a setback. Why do you think that is?
@Midwestmomofboys So sorry to hear about the heartbreak. I know that was tough for your children. Curious to know if you were communicating by phone with the coach or only by email?
@blevine Very smart to send the links out to the coaches before the showcase! What was the most complicated part of the recruiting process and how did you figure it out?
@bigtenbb In the scheme of things, it was not a big deal, kid is beyond happy at school he chose. With the disappearing coach, kid had met with coach in spring of junior year during campus visit, came to recruiting camp, coach told him in person after camp he was top 5 overall, kid emailed to confirm it was his top choice and on request, submitted pre-read materials (an admissions match/safety, he was easily in the top 25% of school’s profile) – then coach just stopped responding to email updates about his fall season. It was pretty obvious after a month or so that the coach had moved on. Took kid a few weeks to process it was not going to happen, then he moved on to focus on learning more about the schools where he did have roster spot. Learning to conduct phone calls with adults was a big growth point, as so many kids these days use their phone only for text/social media.
@StPaulDad Hi, so just so I understand. It was a challenge because you found out other kids were transferring to schools you were interested in? Also, did those kids directly compete with your child?
@Midwestmomofboys we had a very similar experience, and I agree that even though not hearing from a coach stinks, the rejection is a good experience to have. Soo many kids have never heard “no” or experienced rejection. While I hated to see my son irked about being dumped by a coach and school, it only solidified his #1, and for that we couldn’t be happier. And, yes…the phone calls! We’ve seen HUGE growth in our S as well! This process has helped build on our son’s character, and he’s learned so much about himself. I’ve said it before: we are truly lucky to have these opportunities for our kids.
D who had visited her final D3 #1 choice several times: OV, elite camp, and preliminary visit found out in late Sept during a phone call to the coach that she had fallen off the coaches list. She moved on to other schools only to find out in mid Oct (during another phone conversation) that she was back on the coaches list. D already had a positive preread over the summer at this school, but now she was torn between her #1 choice or other schools that had been sending her much love this whole time. She ended up applying to her #1 choice, I only hope results are positive in a few weeks. As someone else said, this recruiting process is a game of musical chairs. You hope your kid gets one of those chairs. D also had coaches stop responding to emails and calls because they found better recruits and in 2 cases the coach had moved to another school. Very frustrating.
@mamom: That stinks about #1 - fingers crossed for her it that it all works out in the coming weeks. I’m at least happy that the coach had a conversation with her that she fell off the list. I hear all too many times about kids just getting “crickets” (like my own - the coach just not showing). Honestly, even the episode of SATC where Carrie was broken up with on a post-it note is better ;). In all seriousness, though, I do feel it would be great to see more coaches follow through - they don’t need to give a reason necessarily (we all know the reason, really), but just something like “Tim, it was great to meet you. At this time, our focus for next year’s class has taken a different direction. While we don’t anticipate a spot for you on our team at this time, we wish you the best of luck in your college endeavors”. There. That took me 20 seconds to write. I get it - they have a lot going on, but this is an important step for these kids. It gives a kid closure knowing that the door has effectively closed. Makes our job as parents that much easier, too.
YES!! When DD gets a “thanks for reaching out, but we are really focusing on other recruits” type letter, she is relieved. It’s so much better to know where she stands
Regarding coaches “ghosting” prospects, one the fencing recruiting thread, one parent invoked the Jimmy Buffett song “If the Phone Doesn’t Ring It’s Me”.
FWIW, my daughter also got one “we are focusing on other recruits at this time” email…but as with mamom’s kid, was later contacted by same coach with an offer of support. Like I said earlier on this thread, riding the ups and downs of the journey is one of the challenges.
Similarly, if your kid decides a school is not for him/her, they should be straight with the coach as well. My S has told a few coaches thanks, but for xyz reason, I don’t think the school is the right place for me.
That’s a good question. Mainly those who escape the recruiting process completely unscathed were just lucky – they found a school they loved, and they were loved back by the coach. And – very important for athletes – no one faster or better came along before the Likely Letter or admission. But we entered the process with the idea that it made sense to push the limits, especially while you’re still deciding which ten schools or so to put on your list of prospects. With that mindset, if you don’t get rejected at some point by at least one school, you never really felt out the limits of where you might have gone or competed.
I would just throw out one additional thing relative to my earlier recommendation to avoid getting too attached to any one school. (And, again, we managed to get this wrong anyway, and fell for a school that ultimately did not love us back.) The key to doing this well is reminding yourself that no single school is the “perfect” school for your kid. There are no “dream schools.” The whole concept is flawed. And, even if there were a perfect match for your 17-year-old kid, he or she knows too little about themselves or the realities of college to find it. So go forward with your college selection criteria, but remember that there are LOTS of colleges where your kid would flourish. My son wanted to go to school A but went instead to school B. And he loves it. Couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.
What was the most complicated part of the recruiting process and how did you figure it out?
She moved on to other schools only to find out in mid Oct (during another phone conversation) that she was back on the coaches list. D already had a positive preread over the summer at this school, but now she was torn between her 