@hanna The other story that abounds about both noteworthy and rich kids on campus is Anderson Cooper at Yale. As the story goes, and I have heard two versions, so perhaps truth lies in between, he was originally in the urber large and palatial Vanderbilt suite (a product of some large donations) even though it was in the then female side, and then eschewed it for my pedestrian quarters (Durfee Hall-D11) to have a “normal” existence with his fellow students. Perhaps, a Hunt et al, can clarify…
Our lawn guy is Palestinian.
@ boolaHI,
Having taken the Yale tour, I can tell you the story that is told on it, though it doesn’t involve Anderson Cooper.
The story goes that some member of the Vanderbilt family donated Vanderbilt Hall–not just a suite. However, one suite within it was quite palatial. The stipulation the donor made was that any Vanderbilt who attended Yale could choose to live in the suite. Yale was, of course, all male when Vanderbilt Hall was built.
When Yale went co-ed in 1969, all of the entering women were housed in Vanderbilt Hall. The legend goes that there was in fact a Vanderbilt male in the entering class who decided to exercise his perogative. He was the only male living in Vanderbilt, along with all of the female undergrads. He purportedly called himself the “happiest man at Yale.” Legend says he married one of the young women who also resided in Vanderbilt Hall.
Yale says it’s just a legend. http://yaledailynews.com/weekend/2005/02/04/legendary-vanderbilt-suite-is-the-sweetest-of-on-campus-abodes/
Anderson Cooper attended Yale much later and it’s unlikely he would have wanted to live in a women’s dorm anyway.
Hmmm, I have taken the tour as well, but the story I recited was told to me by a former assist Dean. But alas, good stories frequently meander between fact and fiction.
I’m our yard guy. DH and I can’t wrap our heads around paying for someone to come and take care of things for us. We could afford it, but old habits die hard. We act very much like we’re one paycheck away from disaster because that’s how we grew up.
Speaking about talking across SES…that applies even within families. There are things I simply can’t discuss with my dad and sibs. Upper middle class is beyond their wildest dreams (though their kids all have cars and mine don’t!). None of my sibs earn close to one year of COA at a private, and only one has a retirement plan account. DH is a gov’t employee, so we are not rolling in dough, but have lived below our means so that we’d have funds for college in retirement. As for our house, it is a 60s split level with 80s furniture and in desperate need of updates.
At my SEC flagship, there was a huge difference between wealthy and poor kids. When COA was $2800 a year, it was possible for a self-supporting student to work 20 hrs/week and pay bills. When COA was $2800/year, kids who had wealthy parents had much more discretionary income for partying, designer clothes, Greek life expenses, car, etc. My roommate junior year showed up to move-in day (I was an RA that year, and was paid $1250, but still had to pay R&B) and she had seven large suitcases of clothes (which did not fit in the tiny closet. She asked to put some of her stuff in my closet. Um, no.). But even at an institutional level, professors didn’t understand that I couldn’t make group project meetings because I had to work. Working students at a residential school was a fairly rare occurrence back then.
When S2 and I looked at Swarthmore, we were really impressed at their decision to make all campus events free so that everyone could attend, regardless of financial status. It very much reflected their Quaker roots.
It would cost us 10X more if we tried to tend our yard, as we had in the past when we lived in a different house. We have brown thumbs. Everything would die. We had black plastic sheeting with pinestraw on top of it to keep any grass at bay. No joke. Many time the operator of the electric hedgetrimmers accidentally cut the long orange extension cords, requiring many, many new purchases. I think I did it more than DH, but we were both guilty of that. We know our skill base, and lawn maintenance isn’t one of them!! That said, I do enjoy my deck tomatoes. They usually survive, though are often prey to critters like rabbits, birds and chipmunks.
Oh I forgot-- we used to have a gas pushmower to use here. We killed it. Probably didnt have the right combo of oil/gas. Another waste of $$$
jym, our yard doesn’t look pristine, believe me! Will be lucky if the grass gets cut before S2 comes home. DH’s Bronx roots consider concrete as effective landscaping. 
I used to spend more energy on the yard, but these days I plant some container flowers and S2 built a raised bed for herbs/veggies. Benign neglect is our philosophy. Noone has come to complain yet.
LOL! Benign neglect it a good term here too. I have planted flowers in the front of the house (perennials, so I dont have to do it every year) and I plant something in the planters by the front door (bought hydrangeas at Aldi’s). We have the lawn guy cut the grass and put out whatever weed killer or nutrient is necessary. Once we get past the terrible pollen season we hit mosquito season, and I am serious, SERIOUS mosquito bait. I cant unfortunately be outside long int he afternoon hours when they are out. So, I am willing to pay the guy to gut the grass and kill the weeds and aerate once a year. It is well, well worth it. Our lawn will never ever win any “lawn of the month” sign, but at least we wont embarrass the neighbors I do have to get rid of some moss. I think bleach in a spray jar might do the trick.
If I am somehow being insensitive because we pay a guy to cut our grass, I apologize. But its very little and it helps the economy and I cant do it. I can’t do plumbing repairs either, but I can do some basic electrical stuff. So all is not lost.
I don’t see a thing wrong with it, jym. I bet he’s happy to have the work.
I like the moss in my yard. No mono-crop here/
Moss is growing in between bricks on the front stoop and other retaining things where it isn’t attractive because it clearly doesn’t belong there
What about those who continue to do activities like recreational sports that draw participants from varied social classes? But socializing with different-SES people does seem uncommon generally, at least outside of college contexts.
Hmmm, when I went to college, it was common for non-commuter students to work part time in the dining hall, other on-campus jobs, and off-campus jobs.
Well, I went to UT Austin as a financially struggling student (had to work during the semester as well as every summer), scraped by every single semester and was always worried about coming up with the funds to return the next year. I couldn’t afford to be in a sorority or buy an extensive wardrobe or live in expensive housing. I didn’t have a car or go on trips at spring break. Yet I still had a great time, a very active social life, and look back on those times very fondly. I knew a LOT of other students who “had” to work; it was actually quite common, in contrast to someone else’s flagship experience. I was aware that there were wealthy kids on campus, of course. But in no way did that make me feel inferior or that I was missing out on anything. On the contrary, I was THRILLED to be there rather than living at home and commuting like most of my other siblings.
Maybe I was too busy leading my own very active and satisfying existence to feel bad about the fact that other students apparently had a lot more. Or maybe I was too self involved to notice, lol.
I still feel I was richer in college.
Most who participate in recreational sports do it through a city/community or company league- both of which primarily pull from the same SES classes.
ucb: let me clarify – working students (in my context) meant those who were self-supporting vs. working for spending $$. When I was an RA (soph and junior years), only two or three people each year out of 32 had jobs. I knew of one other student who was self-supporting. Those stats are probably quite different now that COAs everywhere have gone through the roof.
Not necessarily. My company’s softball league pulls from all levels of employee, from factory workers to upper management. My husband’s soccer league is extremely mixed, although the teams are somewhat more clustered by SES.
My husband’s closest friends are the guys he plays with in a men’s league. The great thing about getting to know these guys through soccer is that initially no one knows or cares who does what for a living or where/if they went to college. All they care about is that they play well, and since a lot of the best players in the league are immigrants, not being a white guy from the suburbs is if anything a plus in their eyes. They all wear the same thing-shorts and t-shirts to practice, uniforms to games, and since most of the socializing happens around these events they got to know each other without many of the most obvious trappings of class. Every once in a while something happens, such as a crisis in someone’s life, and you learn who lays bricks for a living, who’s a neurosurgeon or attorney, who’s former Mossad, who’s been out of work for 5 years.
Upthread someone said something about socializing outside your SEC not just being about socializing with your Mexican gardener and it made me laugh because our Guatemalan gardener is a friend, met through soccer. We socialize with the whole extended family and his nephew is one of my husband’s closest friends.
That said, I agree that most people socialize primarily within their own SEC. I know most of the people I interact with on a daily basis are similar to me in educational background and income, with some but not much variation up and down the SES scale. A lot of that is a function of living in the suburbs. When I lived in the city my neighbors were much more varied in terms of income, race, and social background.
I live downtown in a big city, and my social circle is not SES-diverse. I interact with working-class and poor people, but we don’t invite each other to our birthday parties.