What Kids Should Know Before Leaving Home

Parent Cafe
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<p>I have recently come face to face with the eccentric priorities in which I indulged myself as a parent. The things I considered paramount to instill in my children were largely impractical: how to read and appreciate literature; how to read and appreciate music; how to swim (survival!); a spiritual foundation (imo, another form of survival); the importance of kindness and putting others first; the non-negotiability of hand-written thank-you notes.</p>

<p>I succeeded at greater or lesser degrees in the above, but I fear I utterly failed at teaching any truly practical skills, especially the "how-not-to-get-exploited" one, which worries me to no end. </p>

<p>Time management is, for one of my children, a major issue, and I now realize is another survival skill. One can drown in one's disorganization as easily as in water. Can anyone recommend a resource -- a book or workbook -- that I could use to at least lead the horse to water in that department?</p>

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<p>dizzy, honestly, i'm awful with time management - but i bought myself a planner at the bookstore for like two bucks. it lists each day, and all of the hours from 8am-5pm (two lines for each hour) and then has a space for evening. i use it to write in all of my meetings and assignments, and it really helps me out... because i can see when my breaks are, when i can study, when i can hang out, stuff like that.</p>

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<p>Dizzymom, some things really can't be taught -- time management is one of those things where everyone has their own styles and rhythms. I'm sure that a search on Amazon will turn up a few dozen books, but what works for one person may not work for another. So you would have to match the book to the work style and personality -- is your kid an early riser, or a nightowl? Does he work better under pressure? Does he need a quiet place to work, or does he like to be surrounded by people or have the tv or radio on? Does he like to immerse himself in a task and work for hours on end, or is he a multitasker who likes to take a lot of breaks? Is he a listmaker? Is he the kind of person who would even want to read a how-to book and follow the advice? </p>

<p>Also... something about your s/n "Dizzy-mom" makes me think that perhaps you aren't the best person in the world to teach organizational skills? I mean, maybe you need "Exacto-mom" to fix this problems -- Exactomom would have never allowed her children to develop slothful habits from sitting around all day reading books and listening to classical music when there was housework to be done! ;)</p>

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<p>I think what we don't know, we'll eventually learn-- even if it is through the hard way. </p>

<p>I think my mom raised me quite well. :) </p>

<p>I can manage a household (cook, clean, mend, do taxes), deal with transportation (suburban girl with public transportation knowledge, basic car maintenance, haggle for a good car price, deal with planes&trains), have people skills (respectful, host a dinner part xD <em>believe me, this one was weird</em>), manage my time (I use my cellphone calendar to set appointments, and a computer version of Post-it notes to remind myself of things), and..er, wake myself up with an alarm clock. </p>

<p>I don't know, I just feel prepared. :D Yay Mom! </p>

<p>Of course in return, I promised her a nice house with a cleaning service. Lol.</p>

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<p>Dizzymom, what I do to keep myself organized involves a big calendar - the kind you can get at staples - and lots of post it notes in different colors, especially little ones. I put a post-it with a note on the due-date for each class assignment. I write down appointments out of the ordinary on the calendar. I also use post-its to keep track of big projects coming up and little things to keep myself organized. That way, when I write the paper, I can pull of the note, crumple (or tear ;) ) it up, and throw it in the garbage.</p>

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<p>LAUNDRY is probably Number One on the list!
1. If you're going to send him to college with a comforter & a duvet, show him that they come apart and need to be laundered separately. </p>

<ol>
<li> Teach him how to get the mildew smell out of bedding that has been left in the machine for a day or two. Spray & Wash liquid works wonders. The dots won't come out, but the smell will. Febreeze is handy for spraying over-ripe shirts in-between washings.<br></li>
</ol>

<p>NIGHT TIME STREET SMARTS
1. Campuses roads can be deceiving, particularly at night. Campus drivers frequently speed, and new freshmen need to be careful during the first week not to run out into the street. </p>

<ol>
<li> Going into town 'til the wee hours of the morning? What to do when they miss the last bus back up to campus? Carry cab fare and a couple of local cab phone numbers.</li>
</ol>

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<p>:directions!</p>

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<p>I have another one...learning to do laundry is important...as part of that skill kiddos should learn to EMPTY their pockets before doing the wash (ds has washed his palm, contact lense case, wallet, subway pass card, money, and pens...ooo what a mess that makes in the dryer, and a lot of misc notes written on small pieces of paper).</p>

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<p>Calmom -- haha!</p>

<p>You know how you are faced with that "type in a screename" dilemma when you're trying to join a board and you're anxious to just get on with it? I chose mine not based on a character self-evaluation (I'm not even blonde!) but actually relied on the name of the pet that happened to be in the room with me at the time. I could just as easily have been "ShooShooMom" or "SoshiMom", depending on which animal was next to me at the moment...</p>

<p>Both Dizzy-husband and I were (I say were because health problems have taken a major toll on my former self) annoyingly organized -- he spatially, me time-wise. One child inherited both, the other seems to be rebelling. Who can blame him?</p>

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<p>Dizzy, disorganized people often have vivid imaginations. They imagine they can keep on top of things without keeping a diary/organizer. Pure fantasy!</p>

<p>The trick to teaching orgnization is to convince the disorganized to keep a diary. I favor the ones that show the whole week and give plenty of space for notes. </p>

<p>Anyone who keeps a decent diary will become organized. This is my theory and I am sticking to it.</p>

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<p>Hey Dizzy mom: Tell your child to check out the career center. The one at my school offers a time-managment skills seminar among the more typical resume writing, job-seeking type programs.</p>

<p>But you have to hope the kid remembers when it's scheduled!!</p>

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<p>Some skills I want my kids to have:
Iron a shirt.
Tie a tie.
Dress for a job interview or "meet the parents" evening.</p>

<p>Write a thank-you note.</p>

<p>Roast a whole chicken; make a salad; buy fresh fruit and vegetables that are properly ripe.</p>

<p>Plan a trip to a foreign country. </p>

<p>Key life skill: confidence that they can learn anything they need to learn.</p>

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<p>From what I've heard about drinking in colleges, they should also know when to call an ambulance for a friend or acquaintance who passes out from overindulgence. This can be life-saving.</p>

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<p>go to half.com and buy it for 1.90 + shipping 5.15 total.</p>

55

<p>Maybe those parents who haven't taught their graduating HS seniors some basic life skills should let them fend for themselves (with some supervision) during the month of July, i.e.</p>

<ul>
<li>do their own laundry and ironing</li>
<li>cook for themselves or at least learn how NOT to blow-up the microwave</li>
<li>handle a checkbook, credit/debit card, travelers checks, etc.</li>
</ul>

<p>and anything else parents and children take for granted about living at home. </p>

<p>I don't remember going away to college being such a tramatic experience for me back in the stone ages (a freshman going away to Detroit from California back in the 70's), because, being from a single parent family, I HAD TO KNOW how to wash clothes, vacuum, basic cook and pay bills, etc. when I was only in 5th-6th grade. There was no hand-holding from mom or dad back then. </p>

<p>When it was time for me to go away to college, I had to figure on my own how to ship my footlocker to Detroit, pick it up from the Greyhound station in Detroit (VERY IMPORTANT: find a dorm "friend" with a car...a friend with transportation comes in handy!), how to purchase my own airline ticket, get from home to the airport, from SFO to DWF and from DFW to college on my own, etc.</p>

<p>Of course, I would never let a child do in 2005 what I did back in 1970-71, because the world is just too crazy now! I still haven't told my family how I took off by myself to Canada during spring break, hitchhiking from Boston to Detroit just for the "adventure," staying overnight with total strangers in Cambridge and Amherst, MA, that I met on the street on near a freeway onramp, getting stuck on the turnpike near Sandusky, OH, etc.</p>

<p>Parents, on second thought, don't let your children go away to college...never let them out of your sight !!!</p>