What are the top 2-3 life skills that you think are the most important for college bound kids? My S23 will be away from home for the first time and as parents we wonder how will he cope with all the changes thrown at him.
Some top skills that come to my mind:
I like “drawing your own boundaries” - this is important. They need to stay true to who they are but still explore things out of their comfort zone. A college freshman complained to me “I got sick of being asked to go with my friends to have drinks although all of us are under 21”. So it was him feeling the peer pressure because at some point, his friends are going to stop asking him to go but that he also realizes that he won’t be part of the group anymore.
Simple things:
Ideally they should already have ability to be on top of schedules and assignments well before college–that should be a goal somewhere in middle school, and add more time-management skills after that. I am not trying to be critical, just pointing out developmentally appropriate timelines for developing those specific skills(for neurotypical children), for any with younger children reading this.
I’ll add excellent communication ability with professors (ie self-advocacy skills, also one like time management that takes years, so definitely start early in HS and have them be in charge of all teacher communication with you only as a backup or in very important situations).
The transition to college requires money management and laundry skills, basic cleaning skills, maybe basic cooking depending on the college/dorm/food preference situation. Also: basic understanding of over the counter meds, and what can and cannot be taken together, and of course if they take prescriptions hopefully they know those. We were surprised at the general lack of understanding all over the dorm, and ours too, about which NyQuil to use, how much Benadryl for a rash, and when fevers are worrisome. Apparently when my 21 lived with me I just handed out stuff too much and did not explain what it was.
Many parents start the money management /cooking/cleaning/laundry in HS too, but these aren’t that hard and can be learned senior year.
Mine both went away from home and lived away from us at least once before attending college, but laundry /cleaning/medical questions still come up frequently. OR, '21 just wants me to feel needed.
Understanding the implications of alcohol consumption and sexual activity, which seem to be a considerable source of trouble (including becoming a victim or suspect in a crime) for many in college.
Not being afraid to get help. College students needs to avail themselves of office hours, tutoring centers, and exam review/prep sessions. Don’t go it alone!
And look for help before you need it.
All the above but I’ll add make a friend and be a friend. Especially if far away from home. S20 has had Covid twice. Having a friend or two to get food or meds is huge.
How many of the students who have trouble living within their means have been unintentionally accustomed to spendy lifestyles growing up in high income (no college financial aid at expensive private colleges) households?
Doesn’t this usually solve itself through experience?
Great list! Let me add one: how to write a check! Our son is renting an off campus apartment next year in Sept that he and his roommate had to secure last week w/a check for first month’s rent+security deposit. Writing that check to the landlord wasn’t second nature as he’d never written one before!
This one is big — students get very sick that first semester or quarter of freshman year (it’s like back when they started preschool for the first time! Germs all over the place) and some really do themselves harm not understanding that you can’t mix cold meds that contain painkillers along with painkillers like Advil or Tylenol. And don’t drink when on meds!!
While I agree with all of the above, learn how to look up information. Parents don’t have to worry about teaching kids everything single thing if they know how to figure it out for themselves - you can find how to do anything on YouTube.
Basic Meds are definitely important!
No.
I’ve always talked to my kids about drugs, alcohol and sex.
I’m a “head on a swivel “ person, so have always shared that.
My college advice was ask for help when needed. Don’t fall behind. Always show up for class. Look out for your friends. Don’t be afraid to call home with anything.
Every high school intern I’ve had at work (seniors) hasn’t known how to address an envelope. Doesn’t know what a return address is or which corner the stamp goes on. Maybe a quick review before college including where to buy stamps?
Now that the parents can no longer “organize” things for them and “lobby” on their behalf:
Actively find out about ALL available resources, and then make a point actually using them:
office hours, health center, mental health counseling, RAs, TAs, career services, undergrad journals,…
Use every possible angle to make the system work for you!
Did I mention office hours?
You might get surprisingly specific hints about what they are looking for in a certain assignment. You build a relationship - so when they hear of internships offered by professors/institutions across town, they might happen to mention it. They get to know you better and might share very specific first-hand experiences with specializations/career options you’d never thought about.
How to lobby for yourself (it’s not a sign of being unmodest).
Oh, and before I forget: Office Hours. 
How to use your health/dental insurance (in-/out of network, co-pay vs. deductible, setting up a Walgreens/CVS account for prescriptions,…)
How to read train/subway/ferry/airline schedules, how to make reservations, and how to rebook on the fly when cancellations happen.
Airport security, Pre-Check, Airport Lounges,…
Where the spare tire is, how to get to the jack, how to change a tire, how to summon AAA,…
Where the battery is (not necessarily where you expect it to be), where the positive lead is, how to jump-start their car.
How to use an air gauge and how to add tire pressure at a fuel station.
What exact change is, and how you might need to have it handy for toll roads, bridges, tunnels - and that your local in-car “fob” no longer works in other states.
Parallel parking.
What to do after a fender-bender.
Résumé-writing (for internships) and how to update your LinkedIn profile to look and is phrased professional.
YES! My daughter was not great at this in high school and it was something we had to push her to do early on in college and it has been probably the most useful skill she’s learned!
I agree with this!
While I think many of the things on this list are important, some of the “how to’s” can be looked up or taught as you go. My daughter has a battery charger in the trunk of her car. After her car sat for a month over winter break one year it wouldn’t start. She called us and my husband talked her through how to use the charger to jump her car. After she used it to charge several other friends cars.
For us we talked about how to ask for help, general safety tips (including how to manage your drinks in bars and at parties), laundry, banking basics, etc. And to call/text us when in doubt!
Honestly, my daughter wasn’t the most indendent kid in high school and she has done great being 1200 miles away from home.
Students who are accustomed to spendy lifestyles most often have the resources to support their continuing spendy-ness. It’s the students who may never have had access to much money who often get in a bit of trouble, especially if they are running with other students with more resources.
On the issue of money, investigate with your child how their school may/may not support crisis/emergency funding. Some schools will give financial assistance in emergencies (help with flights, food, etc) and/or have other financial related resources available (assistance with getting interview clothing, cold weather gear, help fund unpaid internships, etc). Those aren’t always heavily publicized so its a good thing to research before getting to campus.
Also, please help your child understand that often the Admin Assistant/Secretary they first speak to in any department or office holds true power and authority. Treat them respectfully and as the experts they are. Student behavior/attitude (both good and bad) will be reported up the chain.