<p>So, I applied to a couple of different schools i.e the University of Chicago, Lewis and Clark, Willamette, Reed, NYU and Boston. For each of those schools, I sent my common app along with the personal statement (duh). For my P.S, I wrote about having to listen to mother be raped and beaten by a man, and how that event has caused me to suffer anxiety. I went on to say that my mother has always been there to help me out with my anxiety and assure me that I am, in fact, sane. I concluded by talking about how excited I am to be away from her and experience the world without my mom holding my hand. It wasn't until today that I thought, "what if I come off as emotionally unstable for suffering anxiety?". Do you guys think I made a mistake? I'm really nervous now, and I'm afraid I won't get an interview with UCHICAGO to explain myself.</p>
<p>Carter, first of all, I am so so sorry that your family has had to live through this…it sounds very hard…and your mom sounds like a very strong person. </p>
<p>College essays are an unknown, no matter what topic you choose. You wrote about a very personal event…those essays can do really really well. Sometimes people write about straight academic or work things…and those can do well too. You were honest about what you wrote, that will see you through. Everything is going to be good.</p>
<p>Did you come off as strong, determined, and perservering?
Or broken and weak?</p>
<p>Ultimately, you want to make them want you.
I’m very sorry for what you had to endure and I wish you the best of luck.</p>
<p>I believe I came off as eager… Eager to explore the world, but also grateful for the support I’ve received from my mother. I talked about how hard it will be to live so far away from her (we live in AZ), but how excited I am to feel “lost” without her.</p>
<p>I would have to read the essay to know for sure. There is such a thing as too much information and the UC guidelines specifically state that the personal statement is not for your deepest darkest secrets. </p>
<p>You know what they say, the people who get molested as children are themselves more likely to become rapists in the future. If I was looking for students, I would want the most stable and dependable people possible. If you say you have had a really traumatic experience then their is always that possibility that you are risky. That you might react poorly in a situation where other people wouldn’t. </p>
<p>Furthermore your personal statement should be about your trumps or successes, your best qualities. If you spend too much time mopping around in a feel sorry for you story, you won’t accomplish this major point. </p>
<p>I would also so that concluding with “talking about how excited I am to be away from her and experience the world without my mom holding my hand” isn’t really powerful. I would assume most people applying to college feel a similar way.</p>
<p>I’m very sorry you had to experience this. I think your essay will show that you are a very strong person who deserves the chance to flourish in a new environment. Good luck!!:)</p>
<p>@bomerr, perhaps you’re right. My writing did not illustrate self-pity, and I understand that it is everyone’s dream to experience the world… But, as stated in my essay, my mother and I became almost inseparable after the event. We have never lived at apart, and she has been my only source of solace in even my darkest times. Therefore, living away from her will be a new experience completely, along with the challenge of dealing with my past on my own. There are so many ways that I could’ve written had I intended to demonstrate how pitiful I am for myself but I chose to talk about this event because it is the "least clich</p>
<p>If you want to PM it, I can read it and give you an honest impression.</p>
<p>I haven’t posted enough to PM yet 
how about email? Only if you’re comfortable</p>
<p>I am very, very sorry that any young person–and any mother/person went through this nightmare. I hope it will help you to seek a better world for others and to see/appreciate your mother’s strength and seek to emulate it.
As far as a college essay goes, one danger is that you may be raising lots of questions in the admissions person’s eyes: will this person need a lot of help and support from the college? from the roommate? Will separation from Mom prove to be too much? Remember that the purpose of the essay is to show what you bring to the campus. You can revise your essay before sending it to any additional schools. I would suggest not giving specifics about the horrible event, just saying that a brutal attack took place and emphasize the strength, the perseverance, the perspective that were your outcomes. You also have the option to submit a totally different essay. In total you can submit one original essay and two revised/replaced ones. Best wishes to you.</p>
<p>i believe its 15 to pm. </p>
<p>^ I would add can your essay stand up on it’s own without the rape? See if you have great accomplishments (or just accomplishments) you have… accomplishments. If you then add some really bad event it’s like “wow man this person tried really hard, good job.” But if it’s just an essay about your problems then it’s not so powerful. </p>
<p>I know this will sound really insensitive but a lot of people have problems. If I told you my story I bet you would feel sorry for me as well. Likewise I heard the UC application people talk about a girl that was soo poor she had to eat toilet paper; that was shocking even to me. So these people have kinda heard it all.</p>
<p>Carter, don’t PM it to anyone. It is too late to do anything about it and you don’t need us non admissions people giving you hindsight. Close your ears. Just accept that what’s done is done, let the chips fall, etc. Best luck with your results.</p>