<p>My ex-husband, god bless his soul, has control over my daughter's educational funds. We are fortunate to have them and I am extremely grateful that we do. The question is, what, other than tuition/room/board/books, are legitimate expenses to reimburse. For example, I paid for the hotel and the van rental for our recent trip to take her to school. In his opinion this should not be reimbursed. She will have to fly home and back for vacations, etc., and he does not consider this a reimbursible expense either. I consider both of these costs appropriate expenditures to take out of the college fund. </p>
<p>Our respective financial circumstances play into this in some ways. He earns more and has more money than I, by a lot, but he expects us to split these "non-eductional" expenses equally. Also, to make it very clear, the college funds do not come from me or my family, and I have no control over how they are disbursed.</p>
<p>So my question is what do you use your educational fund for? Just tuition/room/board? Other stuff? Of course he and I will work this out however we can, but I'm just curious about how others handle this.</p>
<p>My son moved off campus for the first time this year to a house he is sharing with 3 other friends. Because he is not living in campus housing he needed almost all of the basic furniture that campus housing provides. We bought him a bed, a dresser, a desk, and a few other small accessories, all with the understanding that the cost of these items would be coming out of his college fund. We felt that this was a fair decision as the furniture will be his when he graduates and if he had not decided to move off campus we would not have had to incurr these expenses. He understood this and was perfectly fine with the decision. He has been in the house for 3 weeks now, and so far is very happy with the decision to move off of campus. We pay for his travel expenses for trips home, but we can afford to do this and if it were really an issue I would have no qualms about using college fund money to pay those expenses either.</p>
<p>Tuition, books, room & board, fees, dues, Greek life, club sports, medical co-pays & deductibles, definitely travel there and back (in your case I can see him not paying for your trip somehow) what is she supposed to do over the holidays, stay there? It is part of the cost of the university experience; also study abroad, perhaps even personal monthly allowance if you choose to do that.</p>
<p>What about set up expenses? Bedding? frig? The $300 Target/Ikea run?</p>
<p>When my kids move off campus I give them the same budget they would have on campus and let them make it work.</p>
<p>Tuition, room, board, fees, health insurance, travel to and from home, computer. We also pay for the cell phone (but not text messaging) so our kids can stay in touch with us. Our kids pay for all books and recreational expenses (and that would have included Greek life if they had chosen it). </p>
<p>Agreed with Somemom…allowance for off campus had to be equal to or less than on campus. Kids paid the difference (there wasn’t any…but they would have had to pay if there was).</p>
<p>Re: set up of furniture…our kids got used furniture for their off campus apartments and it was just fine. When DS graduated, he sold it to the guy who moved in. DD just bought her furniture from the folks who were moving out. It was far less expensive than even a trip to Ikea or Walmart.</p>
<p>College fund would pay for the kids’ trips but not for ours. Our trips come from OUR money, not money we set aside for college.</p>
<p>My kids do pay their own cell phone, mainly because D1 was not so good at managing minutes and we’ve kept things consistent; agree with Thumper on the health insurance and computer.</p>
<p>At some UCs you can save a lot living off campus</p>
<p>You should feel very lucky that your ex-husband has set up a college fund for your daughter. He’s right to say that some additional expenses should be split in half. Why should he have to pay for everything? Based on the info you’ve provided, you have not contributed to the college fund------meaning that he is the one who is essentially funding it. You are basically trying to use the college fund (funded by him) to get out of paying for your share (1/2) of expenses. It really isn’t fair. Yes, she’s your husband’s child but she’s also your child and you should have to foot some of the costs. I know that sounds harsh but it’s quite fair. </p>
<p>The college fund should be used for tuition/room and board/books. Actually, our kids work and earn their own book money and spending money.</p>
<p>What is supposed to happen with the money left over after college?</p>
<p>I can see a scenario where the college fund pays collegiate expenses and the balance is available for … car or condo downpayment, graduate school, postgrad European trip … or maybe not! Maybe the leftover funds are supposed to fund parental retirement? Or parental flings?</p>
<p>I’m not clear if the college fund is a trust fund/inheritance from his parents or a windfall amount that he earmarked for college at some point, or simply his own savings that he’s been putting aside for years and years.</p>
<p>It seems to me that the college publishes a number called “cost of attendance” that takes all the bursar bill type stuff and estimates additional out of pocket costs such as travel. It might be reasonable to expect the “college fund” to contribute that estimated additional out of pocket costs.</p>
<p>OTOH … I can argue this so many ways … it’s not unreasonable to say that he’s footing the bill for the lion’s share and only asking for a comparatively small amount from you for the incidentals.</p>
<p>Edit: I actually did know a family with an educational trust fund for the kids. Each kid --of 5 – got a full ride on the family trust fund and upon graduation received a new car. It was always whatever car was the absolute cheapest new car available that year (Pinto, Escort, Gremlin etc.) . If the kid wanted an upgrade, the kid paid the difference. Of course, this was not a divorce situation. And, aside from the new car, I don’t know what happened to the rest of the trust fund dollars if there were any – college for grandchildren?</p>
<p>On splitting things… ex’s and my divorce agreement specifies that we split costs in proportion to the difference in our incomes. He makes more than I do, so has greater resources to spend on child, and thus, pays a greater percentage of standard support costs. </p>
<p>nysmile, I think you are out of line impugning motive to Heron’s questions.</p>
<p>And the college fund is there to pay for college, wherever it came from. I would certainly consider the daughter’s travel costs back and forth to be legitimate expenses for payment from the college fund.</p>
<p>So, he’s supposed to pay for tuition, room and board, books, travel expenses, and whatever other random expenses that can be justified as college expenses and Mom doesn’t have to kick in? That’s not fair just because he makes more money. If it’s a burden to pay for travel expenses, perhaps the daughter can pay for half of her travel expenses from money earned by working at a summer job.</p>
<p>nysmile – Wow, you are not only rude and hostile, you have no idea what you are talking about. When I refer to “college funds,” I do not mean that he is paying for or funding anything, ANYTHING, out of his own pocket. These are accounts that were set up a very long time ago for her education, some by us, and some by others. Of COURSE – as I said clearly in my first post – we (he and I and our daughter) are extremely fortunate in this area. This isn’t about anyone trying to get out of anything or get something or take advantage of anyone. It’s about what do people consider appropriate expenses, and I think we have your opinion now, thank you very much. And FYI, so far, “Mom” has kicked in more than twice what he has out of HER own pocket. </p>
<p>Heron – seems like this is something you and your ex will have to work out. I would start by taking a look at the “Cost of Attendance” at your daughter’s school. If it is not published on the web, you can always ask the financial aid department.</p>
<p>The “Cost of Attendance” is a figure that the school comes up with each year. It generally includes tuition, room and board, and books. Many schools include transportation, a computer (one time expense), health insurance and personal expenses.</p>
<p>I think the COA would be a good starting point for the discussion – since the COA does not cover travel for the parent lots of extra personal expenses or the costs of Greek life, those might be the areas that the two of you agree will not come out of the college fund.</p>
<p>Heron, S is just in 10th grade, so this isn’t college, but my ex and I share the cost of CTY for our spawn (in proportion to income). So far, I’ve taken the kid to camp and fetched him from it more than my ex has. (This year, ex got to camp on move-in day for first session after kid and I had gotten there, unpacked, purchased his books, had lunch, and said our goodbyes, and that was the only time he showed up this summer. Good thing I planned on picking the kid up both times; ex didn’t even ask about it!) </p>
<p>I have been bearing that cost, as 1.) I’d be going anyway, because I’m the one who packs the kid’s stuff; 2.) even if ex goes, we go in separate cars; 3.) as indicated above, ex doesn’t seem to track when kid needs to be where, nor when he needs to be fetched.</p>
<p>If S were go to a camp that required that he fly there/back alone, I would definitely expect ex to share in that cost.</p>
<p>owlice, thanks – All info helps! I chalk much of this up to the fact that we are navigating new financial territory now, with the high ticket expenses of college, and money is ALWAYS a hot button divorce issue. All kinds of opportunities for strife!</p>
<p>I wasn’t rude or hostile. I only agreed that it is fair to split the additional costs above and beyond tuition/room and board/ and books. If these typical educational expenses are being paid in full by your ex through a college fund that has not been funded by you or your family then it is only fair that additional expenses be split between the two of you. If you paid for the travel expenses to drop your daughter off to college, then he could reimburse you for one half of these expenses. That’s very fair and from your previous post, he is willing to pay his one half share. When she travels to and from college during breaks, he should reimburse you for one half of travel expense.</p>
<p>nysmile, you are assuming facts not in evidence. Heron said NOTHING about the source of the educational funds. You assumed Heron was trying to “get out of paying for [her] share (1/2) of expenses.” You even characterized your post as “harsh.”</p>
<p>I agree – it was.</p>
<p>My ex has control over a 529 plan for our spawn funded entirely with the state-mandated child support that he’s required to pay me. (My idea, that.) Tell me: whose money is that? His? Mine? Our S’s? If he kicked that in to pay S’s college expenses and that was half the cost (it won’t be, but let’s dream it is, shall we?), would you then say that my ex has contributed his “fair share” of college expenses? (Neither one of us is required by the state to pay for college, BTW, so there are no provisions in our divorce agreement for college expenses.)</p>
<p>Just because he has control of those funds and would use them for college expenses (when the time comes) wouldn’t mean he’d be paying his fair share of college expenses. (My ex is not saving otherwise for college; I save at least twice what he does in the 529 that I control, despite making less money. I fully expect ex will not be prepared to pay much for college and that the bulk of college expenses will come from me.)</p>
<p>“Also, to make it very clear, the college funds do not come from me or my family, and I have no control over how they are disbursed.”</p>
<p>It doesn’t mention the source but it does mention that the source was not from her or her family.</p>
<p>And no-- if your husband has been paying child support and that child support money has been put into an account for your child to use at a later date, he would still have to come up with one half of the college educational expenses based on the scenario that you present. Child support money is meant to help support the child. College educational expenses would be a separate issue.</p>
<p>Not one-half; we split expenses in proportion to our income (and taking into account who pays what in support of spawn). He earns more, I pay more, so costs are shared, but not split in half.</p>
<p>Re: Heron’s D’s education fund, the source could have been an inheritance from another family member, a settlement from a lawsuit, a late friend’s life insurance, or any number of other sources.</p>
<p>I think that books and anything charged by the college and paid directly to the college (tuition, r/b,insurance, student fees, etc.) should come directly from the college fund.</p>
<p>I’d split travel expenses. I’d come up with a budget number for dorm essentials and split that, if he would agree to it. Maybe he won’t. </p>
<p>That bill from the college is usually the whopper! If you are getting that nut covered, you are very lucky! Will the $$ last for 4 years? It could be that the money in the trust (for example) won’t cover 4 full years for all kids unless disbursements are limited to books and college charges.</p>