<p>I've been scouring the internet looking for an outlet for college students that have moved back home... as many people call us, we are the "Boomerang" generation. With the expenses of living on your own, especially housing costs, going up, it leaves us freshly graduated young adults to move back home. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), this is all I have.</p>
<p>My question is, for those parents, how should your graduate adjust to the life of moving back home, and how have you accommodated your graduate in doing so? Below, I outline my dilemma, and if you can help with that, I would greatly appreciate it. All feedback is welcome.</p>
<p>From my own experience, I have had the worst time. I landed my first full-time job a month before my college graduation, and started working immediately. I have 1 sister (20yo), and two brothers (18 and 16) that live at home as well, and for the most part, I feel that I've been taking on the role of pseudo-parent. I feel that my parents depend on me to do all the things they would do while I was gone in order to "help them out". I don't mind helping, but when I have to get up at 6am to take my brother to school (with traffic in LA it's about an hour drive) when I dont have to be at work until 830am, and THEN to work til 5 and go to my night class from 6:30pm-10pm (which I'm taking to help my mom in her home business), it just seems like so much. My weekends are dedicated to getting everything in my room in order, doing chores, and getting ready for the next workweek. Not to mention being the driver and scheduling my activities around my siblings' activities. My sister drives, my brothers don't. We have three cars. My dad takes the car to work on the weekends, and my mom does too. Leaving me with the last car and the driving.</p>
<p>I'm just so stressed and I need an outlet. I feel my work performance has suffered as well--I'm just so tired after everything. Thanks for all your advice and input--in advance.</p>
<p>Well, I'm only a college freshman right now, but it seems to be that if your parents are allowing you to live at home again (are you paying rent?) AND use one of their cars (or is it yours?), then you kind of owe them. Maybe you could talk to your parents and see if you could shuffle some things around so that your helping them out fits in with your schedule better (like doing the grocery shopping instead of driving your brother to school, etc.) Maybe I'm not seeing the whole situation, but this sounds so similar to when people say things like "I'm 18- my parents can't tell me what to do anymore." Well, if they are supporting you financially, then, well, they can...you just have to deal with it or try to do things on your own (often not a feasible option anymore with higher cost of college tuition/living).</p>
<p>I recommend posting this in the parent's forum too since you're looking for parental input. </p>
<p>But no, you shouldn't automatically be the new mommy just because you're around. While living at home for free does require you to help out around the house and be appreciative, it's clear that you're already doing that in spades. It's great to help out, but it shouldn't be affecting your work and it most definitely should'nt be running your life. It might be good to convey to your parents how stressed out this has you and that while you really DO appreciate them allowing you to live at home, you can't continue at this pace. If you jeopardize your situation at work it will take even longer to get out of the house. </p>
<p>And uh, your sister should be sharing the driving responsibilities on the weekends.</p>
<p>Thanks shellzie and allie. Yes I pay rent and I pay all of my own bills. It's like being on my own (financially), but staying at home. Does that make sense?</p>
<p>Shellzie- While the op does need to follow rules of the house and help out if living at home for free, that's not really the issue here. The op's not complaining about helping out, its complaining that the errands and chores at home are overwhelming. The family must've managed while the op was at school, so there's really no reason cpsorian needs to take the entire burden. </p>
<p>It's a totally valid complaint and it's really not like the 18yr old situation you mentioned. The OP is already working hard (landing a job before graduation is NOT easy, especially in LA- I'm doing it so I can vouch for that), and honestly I think they're handling the situation better than most would be. It's not like the op is complaining about wanting to stay out late or about having to drive the siblings around- she/he seems fine with these things in a general sense. It's just the inequitable amount of work that's hard to deal with</p>
<p>K. Well that changes things. If you're financially independent, you really DON'T need to be doing the things you're doing. The fact that you do (and without complaining about the actual tasks and not just the time comittment) is admirable. You REALLY need to talk with your parents about how much this is affecting you, especially since you're PAYING to do it.</p>
<p>I wasn't saying it wasn't a valid complaint- clearly things are a bit overwhelming. I'm just saying that in the long run, if you are depending on your parents for something like this (whether you are 18 and in college or a recent grad), then you can't really argue with them too much. I guess all you can do is talk with your parents and try to work it out with them- my only suggestion is to try and substitute things that would be more convenient for you to do for the things that are difficult to manage with your schedule.</p>
<p>If you're paying money to live at home and do all of those chores/errands, it might be best to find a couple roommates and put the money towards that.</p>
<p>Use the gap in the mornings between dropping little bro off and your start time to workout. </p>
<p>Chances are while you are paying, you're not really "paying" or the answer would be obvious.... move out. </p>
<p>This is the trade off for getting a break on bills. It isn't pleasant, I'm sure after spending years being your own man on campus, but it's still cheaper than doing it on your own. Save your extra money up and you'll be able to go elsewhere before too long. </p>
<p>We're hoping ours can get into med school near where we live. Why? Cause it will save him thousands of dollars to live at home for this time period. Is that an "ideal" choice? no. However, finishing med school with half the debt he'd have normally means he can get out on his own and buy somewhere to live. But, while he lives here.. yea, he's going to be asked to do stuff. </p>
<p>You could always turn down their offer. I moved home for about 2 weeks around your age and promtly found my own apartment a few blocks away because I was used to doing my own thing. So I understand your issues, can you afford my solution?</p>
<p>Thanks Opie. The thing is, I can't afford to move out--I've paid all my bills (student loans included) and paid rent to my parents, be it, it's about 350 a month (which is what I could be spending if I split a 2 bedroom with 3 roommates). </p>
<p>How should I break moving out to my parents without hurting their feelings? I come from a traditional Asian household (and I'm a girl) that says I'm not supposed to move out until I get married. =</p>
<p>I was thinking that might be your case (the traditional household thing), so you might have to be creative about it. Try to find a job that is a bit too far to commute, yet close enough for you to visit once in a while. Or tell them you're getting transferred to another division...when there's a will, there's a way. :)</p>
<p>And you've already paid off your student loans? That's amazing. Unless your job is minimum wage, I don't see why you can't afford to get your own place even.</p>
<p>Just to clarify, I haven't paid off my student loans, but I pay my monthly on them. But I totally agree with you Bfired. Can't move to another division, cuz I work for the VP and they know she's at my location, but I could look for another job (tho I love the connections I have here). Looks like a lot of thinking to do.</p>
<p>Well, cultural issues certainly will cloud the issue. I'm Irish so my advice might not work as well in your situation. </p>
<p>However, here's the thing no matter what, it starts with eye to eye conversation with the folks. While you will always be "daddy's little girl" this is a conversation where you can't be. Will their feelings get hurt.. absolutely. But, it's a small hurt, lessened by your growing and being successful and remembering them along the way. It's growth and growth is not without some pains. </p>
<p>The thing I would reccommend though is actually be ready to go when you decide to. Check rental costs and figure living expenses BEFORE you have your talk. Make sure if you have roommates they aren't flakes. The one thing you want to avoid is failure at this move. Get your ducks in a row. Having to move back would be worse than moving out in the first place. Your parents might be more accepting of your move if you actually can show you've prepared for it. </p>
<p>They still won't like it. I mean, I would honestly love for my kids to live with me forever, I truly enjoy them. But they need to grow on their own a bit. Besides, If they stay sheltered under my branches, they'll never grow to my height. </p>
<p>I'm a younger poster, too, but I have an older sibling that graduated a few years back, has a job in LA, but still lives at home since, as you said, housing costs are insane.
Also, I only skimmed the other posts, so I might be repeating some things. =]
Comparing you to my sibling (is not required to pay rent or do chores), you do a lot more work around the house. Try talking to your parents that housework on top of the job and class is stressing you out too much.
Since you spending a lot of time commuting to work, try using that as a reason to move out and find a place closer to work. It might take you a while to save up for the apartment, but at least let your parents know beforehand. They could go see various apartments with you and possibly put your name down as a person who would like to rent sometime in the future if you all like the apartment and area its in.
I'm asian myself, so I know how asian parents feel about maintaining staying together as a family; however, the not-moving-out-until-married thing is somewhat surprising. If your sister and you work near each other, find a place together? Obviously, getting another car would be great.</p>
<p>As for now, subject your brothers to public transportation, walking, and biking. j/k =]</p>
<p>My D just moved home after 4 years away. Right now she is preparing to apply to grad school, working quite a bit and NOT paying rent. She is responsible for her own gas, etc., but does have to drive her little sis now & again. If my H & I go out of town, i expect her to take care of things, but mainly, I expect her to save the amount she should be paying in rent so that she has money for grad school expenses...not to spend it all on clothes & itunes!</p>
<p>I do not expect D to necessarily be home for meals, but I do ask that she let us know what's up so we know how to plan. If she is home, she can pitch in with any of the rest of us for any clean up, she does her own laundry, cleans her own room, etc. She is gone a great deal with a research opportunity on top of working full time, so she is not hear to make much of a mess.</p>
<p>I am not sure how this compares, but we have adjusted and discussed things regularly. My H gets annoyed at any little thing, thinking of her as a high school student, I am impressed with her attitude and demeanor and willingness to go by our rules on everything and her extremely cooperative attitude about living by our rules. We try to remember that she has lived on her own (on our dime!) for four years and we all have to learn a new way to get along.</p>
<p>I don't know how much of your issue would be a traditional Asian thing, but perhaps you could talk to your parents about which expectations are reasonable and which are not and why so they would understand what you are asking.</p>