<p>"believe that the majority of parents you will see on move-in day will be going into the situation feeling friendly, excited, and having an open mind about meeting their child's dormmates' parents. i hope you go into it feeling the same way."</p>
<p>I agree with you. I am not stereotyping all white people as racist nor do I anticipate that all white people would look at me in a stereotypical way. I have a very diverse group of friends, including close white friends, and even belong to some social and other groups that are overwhelmingly white, so I know that not all people view black people in the way that some white people have viewed me. </p>
<p>I am, however, prepared for the possibility that some whites may stereotype me that way. This particularly may come from whites who do not have a diverse group of friends or live in a racially diverse part of the country. The college that S is going to is not known for its racial diversity or for attracting people from very diverse backgrounds. </p>
<p>I would rather be aware that some parents may not be used to being around black people, and may have negative stereotypes, than be caught unaware by someone's ignorance about other races.</p>
<p>Consequently, in casual conversations with other parents, I will mention know that I'm a former college professor whose husband isn't present because he's out of the country. I've found that if I don't mention such things in the kind of situation that I'll be in during parents orientation, I'm likely to be left out of conversations and not invited to do things with other parents because they may assume that they have little in common with me.</p>
<p>I learned this the hard way when at school events and similar things, white parents literally moved away from me or didn't talk to me when I sat next to them and engaged them in casual conversation without revealing much about myself. (I remember, for instance, sitting at a table where a couple of white parents were seated before a PTO meeting. I sat down, introduced myself, and the other parents literally got up and moved to a different table. After my background became known to the other parents, I actually became the president of that organization.)</p>
<p>Apparently many of the parents, although educated, hadn't been around black people before and literally became tongue tied in my presence because they apparently didn't realize that they could engage me in the same kind of conversation that they would with white parents met under similar circumstances. I'd ask them the usual get to know you questions -- how long have you lived here? What field are you in? What part of town do you live in, what do you think about this school, and they'd say next to nothing to me or answer the school question with some statement about the football team as if that's why I'd pick a school (Later, I learned that such parents, like me, had selected the school due to the academics). I found that I had to quickly let them know about my background before they talked to me or treated me as an equal. Sad, but true.</p>
<p>One can also see the extent that some people negatively stereotype black people by seeing the many posts (particularly by students) that indicate the belief that if a black student is at a predominantly white college, the black student got in only because standards were lowered due to the students' race. </p>
<p>Anyway, by my being aware of this kind of possibility, I'm likely to do things that do allow me to have pleasant interactions with other parents, and help start my son off on the right foot with his peers. </p>
<p>I also don't want my son to experience having their roommate's parents' take one look at him and then put the wheels in motion for their kid to get transferred out of the room, something that happened with one young black woman whom I know. When she met her roommates, the roommate and the roommate's mom gave her an obvious look of shock, and the roommate never even spoke to her. Days later, the roommate moved into a different room. The black student was a stellar student from a top academic high school in the state, played violin in a youth orchestra and was an award-winning writer. She had friends of all races. The white student came from a low income, rural area that was about 99% white, and probably had never had close encounters with black people before.</p>
<p>I'm not going into the situation with a chip on my shoulder. I do know,however, that i may be viewed differently than if I were white,particularly since I'll be there without my husband, and I need to present myself in a way that will allow me to be included in conversations, etc. despite my being one of the rare black parents there.</p>