What would you have given this essay?

Test Preparation
1

<p>Prompt: Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?</p>

<p>(West Coast essay. Actually unrefined essay)</p>

<p>It is without a doubt that humans have emphasized the importance of creativity. But what is questioned today by many experts is whether if the desire to chase creativity has declined during the years. Perhaps the people who do believe that creativity has declined have failed to see that it is not the demand of innovation which has being curtailed but it is the failure of humans to synthesize anything authentic that led to a period with insipid tastes!</p>

<p>Picasso is the watershed of modern art. To the common eye, Picasso's works may seem uncomprehensible but it is a facr that he is revered as one of the best painters of all time by an overwhelming number of people. The people who do like him may be like the rest of us; failing to ultimately 'understand' his peices. However, what people adore is the fact that Picasso is creative. It is not a common sight to see human legs on top of eyeballs or figures distorted beyond recognition. If another Picasso arises among the dull minds of today, people will perhaps not welcome him as much as the first because afterall, the fresh idea behind the works are gone. What humans do need badly today is a new idea but these 5000 yars seemed to have drained all of the talents away.</p>

<p>Another example are the cellphones. Not only are cellphones smaller and performs better but their designs have changed to suit the taste of the consumers. Why are teenagers changing cellphones every few monthes? It is because that among all of the banal items surrounding us, cellphones are one of the few that have evolved. The hunger of homosapiens to experience a change is greater than ever and they are willing to pay for it but sadly the so called experts failed to produce any.</p>

<p>Thus through the two examples shown, it is not that humans have lost their interest in creativity. The shocking truth is that creativity seemed to have departed from the world. New ideas are less common day by day. Maybe it has to do with limited resources but maybe the final line is that humans have finally ran out of ideas.</p>

2

<p>Help please?</p>

3

<p>Zero because it is illegible.</p>

<p>....</p>

<p>Kidding.</p>

4

<p>/sob</p>

<p>Help a poor young boy!</p>

5

<p>Probably either a 5, 6 or 7 (combined, obviously). Your thesis is a little weak, and it's hard to see what you're getting at through your essay. Also, there are a good amount of spelling and grammar errors.</p>

<p>This prompt was a bit unusual (at least compared to other SAT prompts I've seen) in that it asked you to relate it to today, so a lot of people got a bit thrown off...</p>

6

<p>Wow glad you wasn't oe of the graders. PS, can you point out some of the mistakes please? Thanks...</p>

<p>PS: 20 minutes is not really much time to polish it up too much >_<</p>

7

<p>score: 7/8</p>

<p>reasoning:
-transitions would have made it flow better
-some statements a bit extreme and too dramatic
-sometimes logic is kind of hard to follow
-some errors in grammar and spelling
-cellphones as an example is kind of weak</p>

<p>consider:</p>

<p>
[quote]
To the common eye, Picasso's works may seem uncomprehensible but it is a facr that he is revered as one of the best painters of all time by an overwhelming number of people.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>he's adored and revered by the same majority that finds him incomprehensible (not uncomprehensible)? are you sure the people who aren't exactly experts at cubism hold the knowledge neccessary to make a relevant judgement as to picasso's status as an artist?</p>

<p>
[quote]
If another Picasso arises among the dull minds of today, people will perhaps not welcome him as much as the first because afterall, the fresh idea behind the works are gone.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>another picasso, or another painter with a style similar to picasso's in his existing paintings? because for all we know, this new picasso could continue innovating in ways the world has never beheld. also, try to connect this point back to the propt. how does it prove the world is in need of creativity? </p>

<p>
[quote]
these 5000 yars seemed to have drained all of the talents away

[/quote]
</p>

<p>wow, that's a pretty large generalization. there's really almost no more talent in the modern world? and it's because it's been used up by previous milleniums? support please.</p>

<p>
[quote]
It is because that among all of the banal items surrounding us, cellphones are one of the few that have evolved.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>one of the few evolving things? how about tv programming, cars, mp3 players, computers, internet services, fashion, advertising, etc? also, are cellphones really that creative?</p>

<p>
[quote]
The hunger of homosapiens to experience a change is greater than ever and they are willing to pay for it but sadly the so called experts failed to produce any.

[/quote]
</p>

<p>support for "greater than ever"? who are these "experts" of which you speak?</p>

<p>
[quote]
it is not that humans have lost their interest in creativity. The shocking truth is that creativity seemed to have departed from the world

[/quote]
</p>

<p>but creativity is not a seperate entity that can depart on it's own will. if it's not loss of interest that leads to the decline of creativity, what is it? don't humans generate creativity? if they're truly interested in it, isn't it their decision to promote it and nurture it? </p>

<p>
[quote]
humans have finally ran out of ideas

[/quote]
</p>

<p>are you sure you want to make so extreme a assertion?</p>

<p>sorry if i seem too harsh, you have a lot of potential to improve if you're a bit more careful on the next one. your intro and conclusion are pretty strong and i like your use of picasso as an example. good luck!</p>

8

<p>Sorry if my "grading" was harsh. :p I guess your essay could have qualified for an 8, but I doubt anything more than that...</p>

<p>[I'm **bolding* the errors and explaining what they should be in italics underneath each paragraph.*]</p>

<p>It is without a doubt that humans have emphasized the importance of creativity. But what is questioned today by many experts is whether if the desire to chase creativity has declined during the years. Perhaps the people who do believe that creativity has declined have failed to see that it is not the demand of innovation which has being curtailed but it is the failure of humans to synthesize anything authentic that led to a period with insipid tastes!</p>

<p>- "whether if" should just be "whether"
- "that led" should be "that has led"</p>

<p>Picasso is the watershed of modern art. To the common eye, Picasso's works may seem uncomprehensible but it is a facr that he is revered as one of the best painters of all time by an overwhelming number of people. The people who do like him may be like the rest of us; failing to ultimately 'understand' his peices. However, what people adore is the fact that Picasso is creative. It is not a common sight to see human legs on top of eyeballs or figures distorted beyond recognition. If another Picasso arises among the dull minds of today, people will perhaps not welcome him as much as the first because afterall, the fresh idea behind the works are gone. What humans do need badly today is a new idea but these 5000 yars seemed to have drained all of the talents away.</p>

<ul>
<li>I'm assuming "do like" should be "do not like"</li>
<li>"peices" is spelled "pieces"</li>
<li>"the fresh idea behind the works are gone" should be "the fresh idea behind the works is gone," because "idea" is singular</li>
<li>"but these 5000 years seemed to have drained all of the talents away" is worded a little awkwardly</li>
</ul>

<p>Another example are the cellphones. Not only are cellphones smaller and performs better but their designs have changed to suit the taste of the consumers. Why are teenagers changing cellphones every few monthes? It is because that among all of the banal items surrounding us, cellphones are one of the few that have evolved. The hunger of homosapiens to experience a change is greater than ever and they are willing to pay for it but sadly the so called experts failed to produce any.</p>

<p>- "Another examples are the cellphones" should be "Another example is cellphones," because "example" is singular
- "performs" should just be "perform"
- I'm not certain if "the consumers" is incorrect, but "consumers" would sound less awkward
- "monthes" is spelled "months"
- "failed" should be "have failed"</p>

<p>Thus through the two examples shown, it is not that humans have lost their interest in creativity. The shocking truth is that creativity seemed to have departed from the world. New ideas are less common day by day. Maybe it has to do with limited resources but maybe the final line is that humans have finally ran out of ideas.</p>

<p>- "seemed" should be "seems"
- "ran" should be "run"</p>

<p>[None of your ideas are necessarily critical, but they do detract from the essay to an extent and thus prevent you from achieving a higher score.]</p>

9

<p>Thanks for that. Some of those are typos but I agree that the tiny mistakes does hurt my essay quit a bit.</p>

<p>Would anyone care to guess what I really got?</p>

10

<p>read post #7 ;)</p>

11

<p>I got a 9 and my teacher told me it is because I went off topic O_O. Oh I guess they grade too easily....</p>

12

<p>Well, we're probably more critical than the actual graders, because the majority of essays are probably disorganized and contain major grammatical errors.</p>

<p>At least you know there are a lot of ways you can improve to get a score of 10 or better...</p>

13

<p>I would post up my essay from the SATs just for kicks, to see what people gave it. In one of my examples, I talked about the persecution of an astronomer for his views. I said it was Johann Kepler when it was really Galileo Galilei (I think). Would I have recieved a point off for that? I got an 11. I may have gotten a point off for not qualifying my thesis. This was the prompt:
Even scientists know that absolute objectivity has yet to be attained. It's the same for absolute truth. But, as many news reporters have observed, the idea of objectivity as a guiding principle is too valuable to be abandoned. Without it, the pursuit of knowledge is hopelessly lost.</p>

<p>Adapted from "Focusing Our Values," Nieman Reports </p>

<p>Assignment: Are people better at making observations, discoveries, and decisions if they remain neutral and impartial? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

14

<p>I don't think you're marked off for incorrect facts, but I guess that's up to the grader. What's more important is that you take a position and progress and support your ideas by explaining examples. Plus, how is an English teacher who's grading this to say that you're wrong? Perhaps Kepler was persecuted for his beliefs (he probably was to some extent, seeing as he lived in the sixteenth century). It's not the job of the grader to determine that your examples are all 100% accurate.</p>

15

<p>I did say Kepler, (instead of Galileo) went up to the inquisition for prosecution. My third example was kind of forced and the sentences in it didnt really flow at all.</p>

16

<p>any other opinions on my essay</p>

17

<p>I don't actually believe your essay addresses the question. The prompt as you have re-printed it: "Is creativity needed more than ever in the world today?" I can't point to a one sentence answer for this question and you seemed to have reached an answer for a different question, "Is it possible to be creative in today's world?" and you address this through your Picasso example and a tangental cell phone example.</p>

<p>For your essays, I suggest you come up with a one sentence answer to the prompt. Something like, "Creativity is needed more than ever in the world today because we have abandoned the creative ideals of the past and led to a more generic world." This would make the essay more on topic and would eliminate the urge for the examples which could be seen as a major digression from the prompt.</p>

<p>JW</p>

18

<p>Yeah- I feel like you compromised content to use big, flashy words. I kind of did the same thing, figuring AP graders would be distracted by the vocabulary, and I addressed my own prompt- I did have creativity- but refuting the legitimacy of the prompt. I showed a few of my friends after the essays were posted online- and they thought it was hilarious. I did fill up the space we were given...and I essentially just talked about how creativity isn't necessarily needed, it is integrated into the fabric of society, governmental decisions (New Deal) can be creative, etc. I talked about my term paper, honestly, and I got the biggest kick out of it. Anyhow, I got a 12 by distracting the graders from the fact that I didn't address the prompt...and it can work!</p>