My D is getting married in the Fall. Her fiance has an extremely common last name. He has said for over a year that he plans to take D’s last name and he seems to be quite serious about it. I’ve wondered what his parents/grandparents think, but he’s over 30 and obviously entitled to make his own decisions. I figure it’s not my business so I’m just waiting to see if he follows through. It’s definitely not like his last name will die out without him!
The SIL of my next door neighbor took his wife’s last name when they married. It’s likely be because his father was a notorious criminal (killed his ex-wife, one of his sons and a visiting neighbor, then set the ex’s house on fire and disappeared into the wilderness. Story got a ton of publicity in the regional news) and he was tired of answering questions about if he was related to him.
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My best friend from HS had a long, difficult to spell German surname. She always said when she married she’d take her husband’s name because it had to be easier to spell than hers. She married a man with an equally long and difficult to spell German last name.
I know a couple who didn’t change their last name when they married some 50+ years ago. (She’s a physician; he’s a clinical psychologist and both had professional licenses and careers under their original names.) They agreed any sons would take the husband’s last names and any daughters would take the wife’s last name.
Both of their daughters married within the last couple of years and both kept their original last names.
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I know someone who gave their son the wife’s family name (and their daughter the dad’s family name) – reasoning was that there were no males on the wife’s side of the family and the parents wanted her family last name to carry forward to the next generation(s).
Whatever works for people is fine with me.
I will say that when my D changed her last name and moved states during the height of covid it was quite a process – took close to a year to get all the paperwork in order. Hopefully it is easier now that you can go in person again.
I would not be any more upset with a son who changed his name than I would a daughter. That said, D did not change her name when she married.
I do know one couple who married and both hyphenated their names. Another young couple I know kept their names but came up with a new surname which combined their two names for their child. That wouldn’t work for some name combinations but it did with theirs.
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My nephew and his wife did this - his name, hyphenated, come before hers, making hers the ‘last name’
I kept my last name, husband kept his. We gave our son my husband’s last name, and gave our daughter mine (we chose this way rather than the opposite because the given name we had picked out for our son sounded terrible with my last name.)
Anyway, this name arrangement has worked out well for my family. We’ve never had trouble with paperwork or traveling. The kids like not being compared to each other by high school teachers.
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My last name was very long and hard to pronounce. (think George Stephanopoulos but a tad harder).
I joked that I married my husband because he has a five-letter last name. I am feminist-leaning but in no way I want to keep my last name.
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Me too!
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Regarding double surnames, that is not unusual in some cultural traditions, although in those cultural traditions, the people getting married do not necessarily change their surnames (and if one does, changes only one of the two surnames), and any children will get double surnames that are generally not the same as either parent’s double surnames.
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When I was single, my requirements for a spouse were that he had to be taller than me, have bigger (wider) legs than me, and he needed a nice easy to pronounce last name. I was tired of the roll call at school “first name” followed by the long pause. Yep, that’s me. If I ever met someone with my maiden name, we are probably related. But I never have, lol…
H checked off all 3 boxes!
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I lived in a town with a lot of people with 12-15 letter last names. Long Polish last names.
At a high school reunion, my friend Teri had a nametag with her long and hard to spell name and her husband’s. I said “Please tell me you didn’t hyphenate that name!” (no, she just put both on the name tag in case someone didn’t know they were married (both in my hs class). Whew.
My sister’s kids have her (our) last name as a middle name. Some think it is hyphenated but it isn’t, three separate names. No issues with travel (all names on passports, like Sue Smith Jones, Bob Smith Jones with parents Ms Smith and Mr Jones).
S1’s now-former spouse didn’t change her name. S1 didn’t change his name, though I’m pretty sure they at least discussed it. They did both give each other engagement rings (same ring, each picked a different color stone).
S2’s fiancee has said she’s keeping her name in memory of her dad, who passed away of cancer when she was nine. No sons in the extended family. It’s also a very Ukrainian name, and she’s fiercely proud. S2 is keeping his last name, as it reflects his Jewish heritage (and all but one of his great-grandparents were from what is now Ukraine).
I took took both last names when we married, but didn’t hyphenate. Since 9/11, getting gov’t institutions to use both names as a last name has been impossible. Both my passport and DL list my last name as the middle, and H’s name as the last name. Voter’s registration and bank accounts all list both names correctly. Medical records are a mix. Can only imagine what misery all this will bring when my executor tries to settle my estate.
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Don’t know if it applies to your friend’s situation but not all societies are patriarchal. Some rely more on matriarchal names. Hispanics have a matriarchal naming system (not that everyone follows it).
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My husband has a last name that lends itself to stupid jokes and teasing on the school bus. I had a lovely last name. I did take his, for a variety of reasons, but have tried to use all 3. It is not always easy given that forms in the US aren’t really prepared for that. I would change back if the paperwork weren’t such a hassle. My first daughter was so happy to dump that name and take her husband’s name which is just a name. My second kept her name because her husband’s sister has the same first name and she didn’t want there to be two of them. My third changed her name to her husband’s which is from a different ethnic background and also lends itself to stupid jokes. People are always surprised to see a white woman with blond hair with that last name (I think she kind of likes that), and after a life of dealing with rude jokes about her name, that part isn’t an issue for her.
I think creating a new name is such a great idea. I know several couples who have done that. But it will make it harder for genealogists in the future!
Also, if you are ever tempted to make a joke about someone’s last name, don’t. It’s not clever. They have heard them all before. Many many times before.
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The common surname system described in Dr. MAPQ tends to give the patrilineal names survivorship across generations.