<p>Had to hop in on this one; we will have both siblings with us.</p>
<p>My D's littlest brother is only 7; I think he needs to have a clear visual picture of where his sister lives and with whom for it to be concrete rather than a wholesale disappearance. </p>
<p>Other brother is 14 and will be on this path all too soon, so it's basically knocking off a college visit for him.</p>
<p>Also they will be my moral support!</p>
<p>Princeton has the same system- you get assigned to a suite and work out the specific arrangements with your suitemates. Some suites are large (11 people) so it takes some real coordination. But I think it's better this way- people can choose who they want to live with and learn to compromise, etc.</p>
<p>Oldest S and H are unloading setting up dorm room as I post. I have requested S to send photo of room and roommate when finally settled. That will have to do until family campus visit in Oct. </p>
<p>It has been interesting reading all these comments today as I sent S & H off at 5 am yesterday for the drive to college. Glad to know everyone has own way of dealing with the sendoff. You have to do what works for you and your family despite what others are saying or doing.</p>
<p>We thought of bringing our older son, who doesnt return to college until next week, but there was no room in the minivan for him. His seat was displaced by the fridge ! We thought he would be useful for carrying heavy objects, but the school had the football players waiting to assist, and they are even stronger than our soccer-playing son :)</p>
<p>On the drive from the hotel to the school we had the car so packed that D and I were sharing the front seat. Also we had to sit in traffic the last few miles. We would have had to tie the siblings to the roof. Also with the unexpected turn of Katrina having to leave New Orleans and drive to Texas we were go glad that we only had one cranky kid in the car.</p>
<p>I think I missed my opportunity dropping my S off for his sophomore year. He and two roommates are in an off campus apt this year. The roommates came a few days early, but for some reason, we were bringing most of the furniture 600 miles in a U Haul truck. After a 12 hours drive and unloading the truck and my car, (he wanted to sleep in the apt that night), he asked me if I was going to make his bed, like I did last year, and like I did for him at camp. I told him that we needed dinner, and that he would need to unpack himself. So much for my last chance to "tuck him in". Took him and his roommates to dinner that night, and a late breakfast the next day, got back in the car and back 12 hours home.</p>
<p>Well, having started this thread, I feel the impulse to write an update, having just returned from the college "drop off". Happily, my visions of leaving my son mired in unopened boxes with unsettled suitemates were not correct. We waited for all 4 boys to arrive, which didn't happen until 4 pm on move-in day. (Got a chance to wander around campus, check out some parent events, shop a bit, meet some friends). Once all four were there, the boys decided literally within minutes as to who would room with whom (something based on who were major late night studiers), and I was then able to do my longed for "mom" thing of setting up the bed and helping to unpack. Son seemed happy to have the assistance while he hooked up his computer, speakers, and other vital stuff-- but then, once the major items were in place, he politely let me know he could take it from there. I, along with h., took our cue, and said goodbye for the night. The next day, we met him for a wonderful lunch, where he shared many first impressions and anecdotes of his first night. His excitement (and some anxiousness) were palpable, along with a sweetness we had not seen enough of this summer. A tender, warm goodbye, and then we were off. All in all, I couldn't have asked for more.</p>
<p>Had to read these posts for insite/support...will be taking our D this weekend, and I need the strength to let go of her. We're packing up her belongings today, and now, after all these years I'd rather see her messy room than the empty one she will leave beind. I came here hoping to find other parents falling apart like myself, but instead found it helpful to see I'll get through the move-in as long as DD does.</p>
<p>mykidsmom,</p>
<p>It is hard to predict the emotions. I was really felled about 5 months ago when it first hit me "this is almost over." But it passed. Then a few weeks ago I was suffering again to think of losing her as everything was imminent. I also felt elated, intermittently, when I thought of all the wonderful things that were about to be coming her way.</p>
<p>I am mostly elated now. My husband is very blue. I had been feeling like a bit of a freak (I definitely think my H thought I was freakish for not suffering more) until we ran into a friend the other night who, like me, is also feeling the elation. As this friend is a great person and devoted mom, he realized-- Aha, this is a normal reaction, too. </p>
<p>I think it hits people very differently. Maybe as a woman I am identifying more with my D and getting vicarious pleasure. (As a man my H is probably identifying with all the guys-- predators out to get our D! ;)) Furthermore I tend to be a glass-is-half-full person while he is more of a half-empty person. I am focusing on the "beginning" part and he on the "ending." Finally I was the point person this whole past year so perhaps I was processing the transition more merely by being more involved in the whole college search, selection, & application process. In a way, it did not sneak up on me and it did on him.</p>
<p>I would say a range of emotions can and do happen. It is a ride that is unpredictable and sort of out of our control. You may find, like me, that you are getting some of the greiving done in advance and the post departure time is really okay.</p>
<p>Many thanks SBmom for your reply...you said much of what I needed to hear.
Thanks to you I now see I've been focusing on an "ending". Although I don't like to admit it-- I tend to see things half-empty, like your Husband. </p>
<p>I will re-read your response many times over the next few days--you've opened my eyes. I'll be glad when my grieving is done and the elation sets in!</p>
<p>We also dropped DS off last weekend. I thought we'd spend most of Saturday with him, then say our goodbyes at the end of the day. As it turned out, he hooked up almost immediately with his suite-mates and was off shopping for common room furniture. DH and I had a nice day on our own, checking in a couple times by phone, while the kids moved furniture, picked roomies and got set up. (He had no problem with the computer, but was totally baffled by the mattress pad.) In the evening they had dinner together, a dorm meeting, then hung out in the suite watching Seinfeld dvds. DH and I had dinner and spent the evening w/friends. We rendezvoused in the morning, had breakfast and heard about his day, then had a peek at the suite. (His roomie's mom said their room has good feng shui. :)) He had an 11:30 appointment for his photo ID, so our goodbyes were mercifully short and then he headed off with one of his new suite-mates and an old summer program friend. DH got a little teary eyed; I was fine until this morning when I was looking for a tape measure and made the mistake of wandering into his empty room.</p>
<p>SBmom-Beautifully stated.</p>
<p>I too, have been on a roller coaster of emotions: one minute blue, the next, thrilled for him. It was definitely rough coming home last night...I felt almost a jolt of pain when I walked into his room, when I got something out of his car, when I found some left-behind laundry. I made sure to be very busy today (came into work early, ran a bunch of errands afterwards, and heading out tonight to return some things he didn't need.) I do feel better than expected today, but based on how I felt after my daughter went off 5 years ago, I know this process of adjustment will take time. For me, it's kind of a double whammy, because I had both kids home this past year (d. took a year off before heading to grad school last month), and suddenly, an empty house. My husband, the glass half-full guy, is working hard to bolster my spirits. I think he's been so worried about me, he hasn't been able to feel his own feelings. Anyway, I just keep reminding myself that we wouldn't want things any other way...its just that even when things are good, they can be really hard...</p>
<p>I've invited sixty people to a party next weekend. A few days to grieve, then I'll have to get busy.</p>
<p>Our 'move in drop off' was 'unique'... 3 weeks before his orientation I literally dropped off my son at the corner of 38th and Spruce in Philadelphia and drove off. I had hoped to linger with a few more words of wisdom (!), but as fate had it, there was a bomb scare at the hospital a few blocks away, so the area was cordoned off and I couldn't get into a position to stop the car for more than a quick hug. My son, who had lived on the Penn campus all summer in a different dorm, moved himself into his room with the help of his brother and a few new friends a few weeks later, and then helped with the 'official' freshman move in a week later...all of this was as planned except the 38th/Spruce part. I had seen his dorm room during the summer, and my sister is nearby for an needed runs to Ikea or WalMart. This is just one of the realities with us so far away, he seems fine with it, and while I missed the fun of that day, I'm okay with it, too. </p>
<p>Before the drop was made, we had had lunch and I described my freshman move in day (at MIT, 30 years earlier, system a bit like Mootmom describes). My parents lived too nearby and they came after I had a fixed dorm room to bring my stuff. When they walked into my suite they realized I would be sharing a room with 1 girl, but that in my suite there was only one other girl, and 6 upperclass guys (including the girl's live in roommate)!! I had gone to an all girl's boarding school, and I knew my parents would just have a fit....my mother (particularly after observing an incident between the roommate, her younger siblings and her parents) reminded me that my grandmother lived across the river, and I could commute if I wanted to! Then she asked if there wasn't a non-coed toilet anywhere!!! I knew I had the room of my dreams, there would be no impromptu visits from my mother....</p>
<p>With son #1 a year ago I just felt so excited for his new life, that while I missed him I felt that emotion predominantly...Now to have son #2 gone so quickly thereafter I anticipated feeling a great deal more 'missing'. He is what I would describe as very 'sympatico' and tons of fun to have around (as is son#1, but they are different). As it happens, it seems son #2 is having a very good go of it for now, and while he is sorely missed, again the predominant emotion is something different- a mixture of satisfaction, concern, pride and envy (!)...for the adventure and all the new experiences that lie ahead for him.</p>
<p>Today at the gym(something taking up all that previous CC time!!) I ran into 4 other moms of new freshman...some experienced, some now empty nesters, some hovered for 2 weeks after drop off, some dropped off, some weren't even there (I am not alone in this!)...some are 'chatting' for an hour a day, others getting lengthy emails regularly, some (like me) happy for a few lines here and there (plus the great SMS "I am at the US Open! Go Agassi!"). </p>
<p>It is clear that in the move in process, as in the whole of raising kids, sometimes entropy takes over and bomb scares get in the way (or whatever)...just live it and give up analyzing it to pieces and it all feels fine. </p>
<p>It was nice to come back to CC for the day and see how it is going with so many. Wish everyone well, and their children resilience and humor and unexpected adventures....</p>
<p>Robyrm
i've missed your posts.</p>