When to change majors.........

Colleges and Universities A-Z University of Maryland - College Park
1

<p>DS has decided (possibly) after just 5 weeks that he may want to change majors. Is this too soon? Have any of you or your DK's done this their freshman year? I don't know that he is taking advice (he has got it covered : /), but I am just nervous about him doing this so soon.</p>

<p>He is still hoping to go on to med school and the medical advisor has told them that their major does not have to be in a bio field, so I think now he is thinking about other options. </p>

<p>Any advice or suggestions? I don't want him to be too hasty, but I don't want to interfere too much either.</p>

2

<p>Don’t worry, they will meet with their advisors a couple of more times before selecting spring classes. Also, at a certain time, its like when you teach them how to ride a bike, you have to just stand back and watch. The worst thing you can do is create doubt in his mind and make him follow a path that he does not want to be on.</p>

<p>Kids make decisions on majors and then get there to say OMG what was I thinking, I hate this! Better that he realizes it now, where the classes can be used as electives, than when he is finishing his soph yr, and will now have to go 1 more yr to fulfill the reqs.</p>

3

<p>I can’t remember the statistic, but it’s a huge % of kids that change their majors 1 or more times in school. As long as he’s not going for underwater-basket-weaving (not that I have anything against those folks, but it probably wouldn’t help for med school applications), you can relax a bit… </p>

<p>Just make sure it’s not the result of a particularly grueling lab or one professor that doesn’t inspire him. D1 is a junior, and I’ve received many an angst-filled phone call, including the last one last week after a lab (“It was so bad I almost cried”). She may still become one of the best-educated basket-weavers in the country (it depends on what grade she gets on that $#@&! 10-page lab report!)…</p>

4

<p>Personally, I changed my major when I became a soph, since I was scholarship, grants and loans, I did it before it was going to cost me more school time. Bullet on the other hand decided when he was a JR, finances were never an issue, which meant as he says it, I took XYZ first JR yr and ABC my second JR yr.</p>

<p>I love Bullet, but that luxury of knowing that $$$ were not an issue was a part of the issue.</p>

<p>We have told all of our children for many yrs, you get 4 yrs on our dime, after that it is yours, caveat the program. DS loves his program, but he also has weight on his shoulders, he has merit from UMD and ROTC scholarships, so if he wants to change majors, he risks a lot of $$$. </p>

<p>Astro is correct, are they feeling this way because of 1 professor or the entire program? I know last yr that the admin counselor met with DS alot (3-4 times by Dec) and they really are great resources. You need to just trust your child and realize you raised an intelligent person who is starting their life. I would just let them know that if you are paying for it out of pocket, that college is not a perennial situation. If they are on FA, they need to remember that the longer they wait, the more debt they will incur. If they are scholarship, remind them to speak to FA prior, since it could change their funding if they opt out. This is not only a emotional issue, but a fiscal one too.</p>

5

<p>I knew I wanted to change my major from engineering after about 8-10 weeks.</p>

6

<p>I do think that wanting to change his major is fueled by one professor in that department. He has also announced that he is not taking any more math after this year. This from a kid who is a whiz at all forms of math. I am just completely bewildered by his decisions. I can only smile and nod for so long!</p>

<p>I did post on the pre-med board about the non-bio major for med school and they did say that a degree in a biology field is not necessary, but good scores in the classes were. </p>

<p>He’s just moving in a different direction than I thought he would go.</p>

7

<p>Then let him fly. It is very hard to cut those strings, but he is becoming his own man and making his own path. You do not want him to be like Bullet, who regrets the fact that he majored in engineering because his Mom said the counselors said you should since he was so good at math and science. He always wanted to be an architect. 45 yo and he still regrets it. Bullets Mom has never known of his regret, nor would she ever be told, do you really want him confiding to his wife in 10 yrs, I hate my job, I never wanted this, but I did it for the folks?</p>

<p>Just because he is good at Math does not mean he likes it. Do you want him to hate school because his heart isn’t in it? I can tell you Bullet failed courses because he skipped them. Why? Because he dreaded going. He made every excuse to skip…rain, snow, overslept, etc. 2 weeks ago I was bringing groceries to DS from VA and he was angry at me that I might have forced him to skip class…that is what you want. You want your child desiring to go and not making an excuse to skip.</p>

<p>That might sound harsh, but you have 2 options.</p>

<ol>
<li>Force him to continue this route because you know he will change his mind and be thankful that you knew better since you believed it was a freshman thing.</li>
<li>Discuss with him his new game plan and his future career after college.</li>
</ol>

<p>Honestly, the ball is in your court, you hold the purse strings.</p>

<p>As far as moving in a different direction. DS from 4th grade always wanted to be an AF JAG (attorney). For 3 yrs Notre Dame was his dream school. (fresh, soph and jr). Then he came and hit us with wanting to go to the AF Academy and becoming a pilot.(june rising sr) 8 Mos later he scratched the AFA, and Notre Dame for UMD and Scholars/ROTC. We lived with whiplash trying to keep up with him. The point is we let him run with his dream. You just need to let them run, it is their life now and we are just the frame that holds the picture.</p>

8

<p>DH is also an engineer and did not want engineering either. He did it for his dad who desired one son to be a doctor and the other an engineer. Both became what their father wanted. The doctor has no regrets, the engineer, plenty.</p>

<p>We have never told him what to major in. He has told us from as far back as I can remember that he wanted to be a doctor and has done amazingly in science and math with no help or tutoring. He is a natural at both. I also know that this is all a very new experience for him and I would hope that he would speak to those on campus in a position to help him make an informed decision regarding changing majors and how it will affect or if it will affect his dream of becoming a doctor. That has not changed, just the course of study prior.</p>

<p>We don’t care what either or our kids decide to major in, as long as they are happy and will be happy with the earning potential in that field down the road.</p>

<p>He just gets a bit testy when it comes to discussing college. We used to talk about everything. He doesn’t know it ALL just yet and I don’t want him to have regrets because he thought he knew what he was doing his first semester of college.</p>

<p>Will advisors meet with him and see how he is doing since he’s B/K? Would I be out of line to contact those in the department that have contacted me in the past with my concerns?</p>

9

<p>Maybe then he is just finding himself and has yet to find his footing.</p>

<p>I know for DS who was not BK, but Merit and LEP, he met with his advisor about 1x a month, discussed current classes and college career path.</p>

<p>I think you should give him until mid-oct. Come Nov discuss with him his spring class schedule. Listen to his reason why he will be taking them, if it seems rationale, let him fly. If you have concerns tell him. If he poo-poos you and your are paying the bill, call the dept and ask is he off track?</p>

<p>Without a doubt I would leave the last option as the Nuclear option, it could damage your relationship if the advisor calls him in to discuss his parents fears, it could bite you hard!</p>

<p>Just keep saying as a mantra… we are the frame he is the picture.</p>

10

<p>I’ll give him some time…</p>

11

<p>Our s changed majors within the first two weeks. He looked around the computer labs and decided “this is not who I am”. He applied and was accepted to an LEP right away. Every dept wants B/K recipients. Physics even gives out free laptops to BKers.</p>

<p>There comes a time when as a parent you just have to let go and support them hoping good judgement prevails. I think you’re wise to give it time.</p>

12

<p>Sorry Jewels, but “he just gets a bit testy when it comes to…” (fill in the blank) made me laugh… It happens to all kids when they go to school. Last week I had a quite unpleasant conversation with D, who was being a “witch”. I told her that I really didn’t want to have the conversation we were having, and hung up! Testy??? You BET! (she called back about 10 minutes later, apologized, and we have a very civil conversation!)</p>

13

<p>I think we have all been there, done that, got the patch to prove it, as freshmen parents. Not sure if it is worse with the 1st or the 2nd, because the 1st you don’t expect it. You sit there with your jaw on the floor and say to yourself what happened to my kid. The next one, you’re more of Oh I remember this (kind of like when labor pains came on) and you as the parent nip it in the bud, which ticks them off.</p>

<p>College is a life experience not only for your child, but you as a parent, because your relationship will change. They are no longer a child, but really an adult, so you need the relationship to move with that, and it is like being a parent for the 1st time all over again. It is unchartered waters. They want to be respected as an adult making their life decisions, you want to be included because you are writing a check, be it to UMD or spending, it’s still your money.</p>

<p>If you think he’s testy now, just wait until he comes home, destroys his bedroom in 15 minutes with clothes and crap everywhere, because they get ticked that you turn and say this is my house, I pay the mtg, you will follow my rules…they then mutter under their breath I wish I was back at school, and you say excuse me?</p>

<p>I have the best relationship in the world with DS1, but it really took almost a yr to find our footing regarding our relationship. In the end, we both compromised, but it takes a while for the 2 of you to find where the new lines are drawn and respect them.</p>

14

<p>Glad to know I’m not rowing on this boat alone. Oh Astro, believe me, I have hung up a few times before saying goodbye and my conversation sounded a lot like yours. I have told him not to bother to call me unless he plans on TALKING and that means like a human being. It got to where he was calling for money, boxes, or things from home. Then of course, it’s HIS education, HIS life, HIS decision. I get it. But not that much has changed in one month, seriously. He felt so bad after one of the hang ups - I ended up choked up just before I hung up on him that he sent a friend over to apologize immediately and give me a hug. He did apologize the next day when I would speak to him again. I don’t want to stress him out any more than he already is and I do want him to grow into his adulthood, but letting the door swing would be so much nicer than slamming it shut. I wish he would just get that. We have always been soooo close and are very much alike. We can even finish each other’s sentences, so being shut out after 18 years is really a big pill to swallow.</p>

<p>As far as the holidays. He’s coming for Thanksgiving, but I was informed that he will just be coming home most likely for the first couple of weeks to see DD in Nutcracker and Christmas. Then he and his friends have plans to ski and snowboard in Vermont or somewhere. Ho, ho, ho, here we go…</p>

15

<p>Jewel, my heart does break for you, your story reminds me of mine last yr. I can tell you for the first few weeks, I hung up and broke into tears each time.</p>

<p>Trust me, by T-day you will have worked it out.</p>

<p>My story is a little different. DS called and emailed everyone, including Bullet on his cell to talk about the game. What I got was oops, I need, can you mail it to me. I got to the point, when he finally did call, it was what do you need? I was truly truly hurt, because we always had a close relationship. Bullet and my Mom would joke that he was my favorite. I felt like he slapped me in the face.</p>

<p>It took time, but I came to realize, that he felt so good about our relationship, that I got it, and that the others needed to know he still thought about him. It took him time to realize that although I knew we were close, it still hurt, when he talked to Dad on the cell and he asked you want to speak to your mother, with him saying no, hurt me.</p>

<p>You will have rough roads for a while. Do not have qualms about telling him how you feel personally. I don’t think you want him to hold your hand, but you want to at least not be a stranger. When you do this just remember he will always be your child, but he is an adult, one that you are proud of. The minute he gets that you respect him as an adult, is the minute your road will smooth out.</p>

<p>The two of you are at odds. He wants to be treated like an adult in charge of his own life. You want him to understand that he is an adult, but respect your life experience.</p>

<p>Keep the MANTRA…I AM THE FRAME, HE IS THE PICTURE.</p>

<p>Now as far as snowboarding, during the winter break. Here’s the real question, which would you rather have a child that has already made such great friends or a child who calls and says I hate it here and want to come home?</p>

<p>See the big pic, don’t get locked on the little things. Also, the parent who allows them to fly usually realizes when they have their own children how great their parents were. You might want to say, great, if you go to VT, that’s your dime, not mine. You can ask for that as a Xmas present, but besides that you’re on your own.</p>

<p>FWIW after 2 weeks of him home, and you picking up wet towels, bed not made, empty soda cans in the room and raiding the fridge at midnight, you will be more than happy for him to leave, so that bedroom looks nice again</p>

16

<p>Also, RE: winter break. UMD students have such a looooong break over the holidays. When their friends head back to college and they are still home, it becomes a bit unbearable for all. D1 was home for her entire winter break fresman year, then left the country last year. I think she may plan to work this year…i.e. no 4+ weeks at home. Don’t know about her sister yet.</p>

<p>Also, RE: changing majors…I got the angst-filled phone call last week from D2 after a quiz in her geology lab…she was soooo confused, she had no idea how she could have known what to answer, OMG I can’t imagine anyone ever majoring in geology, blah blah blah. She texted me today to say she got a 99 on the quiz. Ditto D1 (she should know by now) on a “killer” test in a 400-level class. She got something like a 78%, which was also one of the highest in the class = A (thank you curves)! </p>

<p>One thing to keep in mind regarding phone calls. Think of them like a snapshot, a moment in time, especially when it is when they are upset about anything. Most of the time, 5 minutes after they hang up, they’ve moved to something completely different, and everything is OK, leaving ole’ Mom pacing the floor and worrying like we were programmed to do. The next time you talk to them, they may not even remember the conversation, etc., while you’ve been mulling over it the whole time. …it gets easier (most of the time), I promise.</p>

17

<p>DS bought me a ceramic item, and it said teenagers are liking nailing jello to a tree.</p>

<p>Same is true for when they are in colleg</p>

18

<p>My thanks to both of you. You are both so right! I look forward to visiting with him at Thanksgiving.</p>