When Will He Start to Pack?

Parents Forum
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<p>When I went to college, I did my own packing and always finished minutes before it was time to go.</p>

<p>Both of my sons have followed in my footsteps. I let them feel the stress, not me. If they forget something, too bad. If it needs to be mailed, I'll get it to them when I have a chance.</p>

<p>Going away to college is one of our culture's rites of passage into adulthood, so I believe in letting the students feel the stress and figure out how to react to it.</p>

<p>I also let my sons be responsible for shopping beforehand to get what they thought they needed. I also took them to a store after they moved in.</p>

<p>My mom did much of the shopping for me when I went to college, and I remember that I was resentful about this, not appreciative. She also got things that she would have loved, but that I didn't care for.</p>

<p>It really is fun doing the shopping oneself for such a major transition in one's life. Even though neither of my sons typically enjoy shopping, both enjoyed shopping to get things for college. They also seemed to take a lot of pride in being responsible for this.</p>

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<p>We've got a pile of stuff on the laundry room counter. My son is now ready to start making a list, buying more, and checking things off, although we don't want to put stuff into his suitcase until closer to departure. Earlier he didn't want to deal with it as he said he would just get nervous about going. Now that his departure date is getting closer he is ready to move on things. So, for him, putting things off was a stress management tool. </p>

<p>His list will include what to buy at Target after arriving at the school.</p>

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<p>This packing job is going to have to be more organized than our usual toss things in the car method because of the way the school does the move in. Supposedly, we will wait in line and then pull up right in front of the dorm. Her "move in team" will then swarm. One grabs her to go check in while I am with the car and the rest of the team grabs everything out of the car. Then I park the car while they cart everything to her room.</p>

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<p>catera: I'm willing to bet that the vast majority of students arrive with the toss things in the car method. Sometimes that is the only way to get the stuff to fit. Just bring a few heavy duty garbage bags for all the loose items.</p>

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<p>I agree with edad.</p>

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<p>No packing going on at our house, either. Son leaves for college (by plane) in exactly 3 weeks.</p>

<p>He had his wisdom teeth removed yesterday. I'm hoping that in a few days when he is feeling better, he will get started. He also still needs to go shopping for some clothes, and get rid of old stuff that no longer fits. There's quite a bit to do, and he knows it, but my guess is he will do all of it in the final few days before he leaves.</p>

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<p>You're right edad and NSM. I am one of those who hates to inconvenience others though - no problem inconveniencing myself - so I know I will want everything all packaged and tidy. Peer pressure. If I had a housekeeper, I'd clean before she came.</p>

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<p>I recall one time when my mother picked me up from college, the car was packed to the roof. It had those windows that open out (not roll up and down), and we were dropping stray shoes in the holes.</p>

<p>It'll work out.</p>

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<p>2 years ago, our freshman son refused to pack--so it's possible that the answer to your question is "never." Yes, I packed for him because I wanted him out of my house and on that plane! </p>

<p>Soph. year he packed for himself at the last second and forgot almost all his clothes (the only thing on S's packing list is "laptop") --which he noticed upon arrival, and quickly called me and asked me to send them. I got him back, though--we were in the process of moving and H had gotten a lot of adult diaper boxes from a nursing home. So I used one of those boxes--which have pictures of the diapers and diagrams of how to put them on on the outside of the box--to ship S's stuff. He was absolutely mortified having to carry this box across campus. </p>

<p>He leaves again in a couple weeks. I think it will be a joint effort this year.</p>

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<p>S will be driving 600 miles to school in two weeks. It amazes me that he has lost all independent living skills the minute he stepped into the house in May. He has trouble doing his own laundry, picking up after himself, buying his own toilettries. I know I enable him, but I can't live with the chaos. We will be on vacation next week and I told him he must have the car fully packed on Tuesday, so he can leave at a reasonable time on Wednesday. It will be a joint effort because he has such a wait til the last minute type of personality that clashes with my type A personality. Part of me will miss him - but the other part can't wait until he leaves and I know that calm will return to the house. However, rising junior in HS will be searching for colleges this year. The calm won't last long!</p>

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<p>I have a recommendation for first time parents who "help" pack for their Ss. Literally, cut the list in half maybe even by 3/4s. I packed WAYYY to much for him last year: 10 tshirts - make it 5. This also makes wash day less overwhelming for him because you know he won't do any laundry until EVERY shirt in that drawer has been worn - at least twice.
ps When he packed to come home for Christmas last year, he arrived with exactly 2 shirts, a pair of underwear and a selection of smoked meats from a great deli by his school. At least I wasn' t stuck doing tons of laundry</p>

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<p>I packed the first year the day before, packed the second year day before, and it's seemed to work out fine for me. I started gathering stuff in mid-Jul with a slight kick from my mom, then the fire died down till August, then it was a rush again. First year she was suggesting basics I wouldn't thinking of for a dorm/college life, as I had an older sister already through college so she was sort of good at it. I was busy just trying to take in the whole college thing, didn't have an idea of what does/doesn't work. Second year I had a furnished apartment on-grounds, so she was asking about basic apartment stuff, and trying to tone down the amount I took versus first year. I was busy trying to think of better ways to organize and keep order to my space, while having a bit better idea of what to expect.<br>
This year, I'm moving into an off-grounds, furnished, apartment over two weekends. Mom will come one of those weekends, but probably not both. She's basically been silent about it, other than occasionally asking me "is there anything else you need?", I'll rattle off one or two things, and she'll go silent again. I think it's just trying to get me thinking. Dad took me to IKEA a few weeks ago to get a hutch/random other things, and mom's gonna go shopping with me this weekend probably for last things. Then, I need to dig all of my stuff out from last year from my sister's closet, and stage things for trip #1 and #2.</p>

<p>Long story short: we all pack last minute. We may start early, but we will not finish until the end. Most of us at this age work well under pressure, so it's not a big deal. It gets wayy easier as you go on through the years, so fear not. We need a toothbrush and clothes and books, and we know that. Nudge lightly and offer to take us shopping, it helps.</p>

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<p>atomom, I snorted tea all over my laptop reading your post! :D</p>

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<p>I love these threads ... a bunch of things in the college process (packing, writing essays, completing applications) absolutely expose extreme differences in styles around planning ahead or doing things the last minute. Neither way is better or worse but two people at the extremes will likely deal with some stress.</p>

<p>Back to the OP ... when I headed to college in advance we made sure I had sheets and towels ... otherwise I started packing after dinner when we were headed out the next morning right after breakfast. I'm sure I forgot something but chasing down a soap dish or a toothbrush or whatever it was that I missed was not a biggy.</p>

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<p>We have extremes just in our own family! We took S1 to college with a maxed out minivan and car-top carrier. We sent S2 to college by himself on a plane with two suitcases. (D got the packed mini-van last year. This year somewhat less packed.)</p>

<p>As far as packing last minute, S2 and D are both cross country at the moment. S2 will be home 10 days before leaving for college. D will be home 5 days. If they hold true to form, they will be doing laundry after I go to bed the night before they leave.</p>

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<p>rodney-
So glad to provide a continuing source of amusement. I think someday I'll smile about this too... I can hope...</p>

<p>oregonianmom-
Hope the wisdom teeth went well, but watch for the side effects of the antibiotics!</p>

<p>jude_36-
I had a great visual of the shoes being stuffed down the windows! Thanks for the LOL.</p>

<p>atomom-
What a hoot!! Brilliant idea about using the "Depends" box!! That's what we call "one trial learning". He probably won't rely on you to send his stuff again!</p>

<p>jmmom-
If I tried to set up my s's room, he'd have me committed. Besides, he thinks all he needs is his fridge, computer and xbox set up. The rest gets thrown in a heap in the closet. I suspect he'll let me make the bed, but I suspect it'll be the first and last time that happens...</p>

<p><strong>update</strong>**
Well, along the the "I knew it" line of thinking.. stuff always seems to come up that adds to the stress level. Yes, I know ultimately DS will get to school with most of his belongings (did I mention that DS#1 accidentally left a bunch of his nicely packed boxes in the garage that were meant to go into the car when we drove the 13 hrs his soph yr?? Sigh......) but I digress.....</p>

<p>Follow- up to my post # 7....I'd finally gotten DS#2 to agree to go to the dermatologist last week when the over-the-counter stuff just wasn't doing the trick on his skin. Well, they also removed 2 moles, and one came back from pathology bad-- so tomorrow we go to have a chunk of his back carved out (ok, so I exaggerate a bit..) and will have to go back for the stitch removal in another 10 days. Just more stuff to have to deal with (and play musical cars b/c we are short one). Waiting til the last minute is just not in my comfort zone. Not stressful for him, but it is for me! </p>

<p>oh, and SS-- LOL, but there are 2 chances that I would start a political thread ... slim and none.</p>

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<p>Oh, I forgot to mention-- girlfriend returns from being out of town tomorrow. Chances of any packing occurring just dropped exponentially.</p>

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<p>I have two kids to get to school this year, one in two weeks and the other in three. We haven't packed or bought anything. I'm try to sell my house and it has to be kept clean and ready to be shown at all time. </p>

<p>I have no where to put this stuff! I have no idea what to do. Next monday my D has a physical and I hope to take her shopping afterword. Of course she has a friend coming to stay next week and oh did I mention that I need to keep the house clean. Or that I packed away all of her school supplies in a storage facility and I don't have much hope of finding them.</p>

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<p>Atomom -- funniest post ever!</p>

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<p>
[quote]
latest excuse, "I am wearing the clothes I want to take"

[/quote]
</p>

<p>This is EXACTLY how I (along with all of my friends) are feeling. We're not packing two weeks before we leave, because we'll be walking around in a bra and underwear for two weeks if we do!!!</p>

<p>Northstarmom definitely has it right. My mom hasn't gotten me ANYTHING without checking with me first (she has very bad Rheumatoid Arthritis, so we've done almost all the shopping online), and I respect and appreciate her a ton for it. Pretty much guarantees that I only get the things I want.</p>

<p>I think stress management is a huge part of it. If we don't have to see the boxes and all our belongings packed, we don't really feel like we're leaving in 2.5 weeks (for me...17 days).</p>

<p>I pretty much just kept everything in the boxes I bought it in. The stuff I got from BBB and LNT was a huge help though...they sent HUGE boxes even though I didn't order that much stuff, so I'm keeping the boxes for clothes when those do finally get packed.</p>

<p>I wish you all could see my room...maybe I'll take pictures just for the CC parents. Huge boxes of stuff piled in the space between my bed and closet, a hamper as you walk in that's full of clean socks & unmentionables, and the rest is "comfortably cluttered", as my mom calls it. The closet is actually still sparkling from the big purge a few weeks ago.</p>

<p>I'm going to get my eyebrows waxed for the last time before I leave at 2 PM PT today...after I get home, I'm going to take over the family room with boxes so I can clean my room (AGAIN), then I'll move all the stuff back in and be organized about it for once.</p>

<p>I refuse to pack any clothes until 2 or 3 days before I leave..and I HATE doing stuff last minute. To paint you a picture, I've already been to the eye doctor, general physician for a physical and some immunizations (I'm getting my second Gardasil shot over Thanksgiving and the third over Christmas...joy), the dentist (no cavities!). I'm going to the Clinique counter this week for the good make-up and to CVS to get all the toiletries I still need.</p>

<p>jym626-I love your posts, and it seems to me that you're a wonderful parent. I wouldn't stress too much...I'm sure S will figure it out.</p>

<p>Personally, I've been doing a lot of "See you around(?)" visits lately. Having the official going-away-party this Saturday (had some issues with conflicting dates so it's a little earlier than first expected). Saw the best friend that I was in choir for four years with (and sat next to for all four years) yesterday. It was just like old times...we laughed, talked, and laughed some more. Awesome.</p>

<p>Going to get my hair "cut" (I refuse to really cut it, so it'll be a trim, but mom is convinced I'll come home and have chopped it all off) tomorrow at 11 AM. I was even considering highlights until I realized that it meant trusting someone unfamiliar with my hair (to paint a picture: I have enough hair for about 5 girls, it's at the middle of my back in length, and I've been going to the same salon for 7 years).</p>

<p>After that, I'm pretty much down just to packing. Oh, and cleaning off the desk (the one area I allowed to actually become messy again, but which must be cleaned off before I leave at mom's orders).</p>

<p>WOW. Sorry for the long post. :)</p>