Rather than eliminate certain criteria from the decision-making process, I think that the most helpful thing you can do for your daughter is to talk through what she expects of each of the criteria she’s set and then make sure she fully understands the tradeoffs. This is one of those situations in which there really is no right answer—just best fits.
For example, the benefit of going to a school in a city is that you can take advantage of everything the city offers – clubs, music, concerts, restaurants, museums, shops. The challenge for many kids is that most of those things cost money (even with student discounts where offered). In addition, when students entertain themselves off campus on a regular basis, the feeling of community is generally dim inished. Many students feel that the energy of the campus is siphoned off. Then again, a lot of kids who went to boarding schools think that is a good thing – they are “so done” with being around the same group of people 24/7. In other words, the experience of going to school in a city will be very different than going to a school in the middle of nowhere even if many of the other characteristics are the same. If your child can articulate clearly, though, what his/her expectations and preferences are and they are all met in a city school (and not in a remote one), I think it’s fine to honor that.
I would also encourage kids to think about how they learn best. There are people who are happy to search the internet, read a manual, watch a YouTube video – to get information. They are good at teaching themselves and independently solving their own learning issues. That type of learner would probably do much better in a large college setting one than one who really wants at more interactive environment. A kid who is a hands-on learner who wants a lot of internships, however, is unlikely to find them at an isolated school, so one of the schools that has co-ops in a city could be right for them.
I would also encourage kids to think about whether they think they WANT relationships with professors. If the answer is yes, they should think about whether they have the skills to make those connections in a larger setting. A friend who has taught at several state flagships describes them as schools that are ideal for “student entrepreneurs” – amazing resources are there, but you need to be strategic and aggressive in actually getting them. In a school with smaller classes, the connection will happen with less effort – in fact, often with none. For lots of students, that is a plus. For some, though, it’s a turn-off.
Kids aren’t always encouraged to think deeply and honestly (and non-judgmentally) about who they really are and what they want (or that sometimes what they think they want to be is incompatible with who they are.) It’s very easy for them to get swept up in what’s going on around them – which schools are “hot” with classmates, where friends are going, the recommendations of teachers, parents, and other adult friends. And of course, it’s hard – not having done this before – to fully appreciate what is entailed in each choice. I would think that as a parent who is being a good listener (rather than a persuader), you could be really helpful to your child as he/she tries to decide what really matters.
As far as school size goes, it will be my daughter’s choice in the end. I’m just going on my gut. I think she’d flounder at a big school, but there’s no way of really knowing. I think my second child would like a big school. I’d still prefer a small school for her, but I’d be less worried about her at a big school.