Discrimination? Where’s this thread going? If she’s dependent on you, she’s dependent.
As before, OP, it would help if you could lead with your actual thoughts, make your position clearer, sooner.
Sugarless- they can take independent loans. Moreover, if their parents apply for a loan and don’t qualify, they can take even MORE loans.
Not sure what you are complaining about.
@SugarlessCandy And it isn’t the woe is me scenario you have painted, either. The options are not elite or doomed to mediocrity.
And, no, your D isn’t alone, far from it. Probably the vast majority of kids fall into the “I can’t attend my dream school bc I can’t afford it” category. If parents can’t or won’t pay, it is what it is. When top kids know that they can’t afford need-based aid only schools, full pay or otherwise (we fall into the otherwise category), then they need to come up with an alternative application strategy. For kids that actually have the stats and background that makes them competitive to schools you are lamenting about like Cornell, there are plenty of high merit $$ options.
Living at home and commuting is what I would guess 90% of the teens in our area do.
Fwiw, our kids attend lower ranked schools on scholarship and they have excelled and loved their UG experiences: wonderful professors as mentors, close friends, great REU opportunities, great careers, etc.
"^fairness. It puts $ back in the pot. Later, if/when they are graduated and working, they give it back. But to the school, not the government. And the loan doesn’t begin ticking until graduation. And if you end up not graduating, it never triggers.
Under the current student loan program, I don’t think they should take loans. It could go very badly and ruin their lives.
I suspect these kids do try to give back to these schools after graduation. And they should."
Oh ok. I thought you were talking about now.
I’m still not a fan of that idea. I think we should do everything possible to have no students graduating with debt.
@SugarlessCandy your daughter has the ability to attend a good college - probably with some merit if she does her research. This does not sound unfair to me.
I do understand how frustrating it must be to have a student who is qualified to apply to an Ivy but can’t attend if accepted due to finances. You need to understand that there are other opportunities waiting for her-and they are also amazing.
i don’t even understand what this thread is even about. it goes from “rich parents pulling the financial rug out from their college-bound kids” to “My D isn’t the only one facing these choices.” are you one of the aforementioned rich parents who won’t pay for your kid’s college? what’s the deal here?
no, i don’t think the education system needs to be overhauled based on two anecdotes of kids you know.
[QUOTE=""]
Those kids were devastated and one was so disheartened that instead of going to the low ranking state school parents wanted him to go to instead of Williams, he enrolled in community college as protest. <<
[/QUOTE]
i feel like we’re not getting the whole story here. were the parents going to pay for the lower cost school? is the “low-ranking state school” UMass, which is still a very good school? Williams costs $65K per year. were they ambushed by the realization that they would have to shell out a quarter-million dollars for college, and insisted he go to a school that would cost half of that or even less?
whatever the circumstances, “enrolling at community college as protest” was a petulant, immature, doltish response to the situation.
[QUOTE=""]
Another one tried to commit suicide as he always wanted to go to Cornell, got in and then found out that his parents won't pay, he can't get loans and their is no financial aid for their income group. <<
[/QUOTE]
did the parents promise to pay and then renege? did they set a budget and he disregarded it? had they always said they would not pay and he applied anyway? did they have a sudden downturn in their finances? or again, did they suddenly realize they would have to pay $250K+ for Cornell, decide it was too much, and ask him to go somewhere less expensive?
whatever the circumstances here, it sounds like the real problem is two kids who could not swallow their pride and bear the shame of taking a full-tuition scholarship to Alabama or Nebraska, and decided a better course of action was to attempt suicide or embark on a pointless Community College Protest
[QUOTE=""]
Many affluent parents use this string to control their children, keep them in town or pick majors they don't like. <<
[/QUOTE]
or, maybe affluent people are affluent because they don’t do things like spend a quarter million dollars on an undergraduate degree
@SugarlessCandy - We are one of those middle-class families who cannot afford an Ivy League education. D’s NCP (who rarely pays child support in the first place) has already said he refuses to contribute to college to the point of having us fight it out in court - he won, no support. In life, you have to play the hand your dealt. Sometimes you get a royal flush; sometimes you get a pair of 2’s. Little Tutu’s father dealt her a crummy hand, but it’s up to her to make the most of it. I told her that if she wants to go anywhere other than the in-city, four-year, tier-two state public university that she is going to have to get merit aid. So instead of aiming for Harvard, Princeton or Cornell, she is working to up her stats and hopefully get aid at Alabama or Oklahoma (both on her list) as well as a few others. She’ll still get a good education that will get her to where she wants/needs to go in life. That is what is important.
My point is you can cry a river and get nowhere, or you can work with what you have to change your destiny. The choice is up to the individual.
BTW, Warren Buffet’s undergrad degree is from the University of Nebraska. Sam Walton graduated from the University of Missouri. Going to public state universities obviously didn’t hold them back. Maybe Little Tutu needs to request a couple more brochures …
Reading the tea leaves - I think from this thread and the now locked one on the Financial Aid page, the OP has a hard time processing that there are full pay parents that happily pay full ticket price. On the other page the OP asked if the full pay parents would do the same if had a do-over.
Our retirement is intact. We are a full pay family for 2 top LACs. Kids are graduating with out any debt. Education is a family value.
I’d like to see those who get significant financial or merit aid, pay it forward later by donating to their alma mater’s scholarship funds every year, though I suspect a fair amount do.
Why should a kid whose parents earn $150k or whatever it is that’s too much for need based aid be in the same boat with a kid whose family earns $13k/year? It sounds like your daughter has had 13 years of advantages, and now you’re worried about equal access to education?
Your daughter isn’t being discriminated against. Attending an elite university is a luxury, not a right. Why should the American taxpayers underwrite your daughter’s education so she can attend an elite college with the promise she’ll pay it back? If we should have confidence in her intention and ability to repay the ~$300k cost + interest an elite school would cost, shouldn’t you? Why aren’t you cosigning for her?
I think you need to decide what you can comfortably pay for your daughter and make that clear to her. If you become bitter about what you can’t provide, it will be much harder for her to be satisfied with her actual choices. Cast a wide net. Search for merit. Make sure her list includes financial safeties she’d be happy to attend if nothing else works out. And if you know for sure you can’t afford a particular school, do NOT let her apply there.
@“Snowball City” , I think that you are very unusual. Most full pay parents do not appreciate involuntarily subsidizing other students , indeed, that is why so many chase merit aid or attend state schools. I also do not appreciate paying taxes for all sorts of things that are out of scope, such as paying for public art while our roads and bridges crumble. It would be much better to contribute to a college scholarship fund voluntarily - at least we know where the money will be spent… We do not derive any social benefit by overpaying for a service.
I do very much appreciate parents who pay OOS tuition to my alma mater, and thank them for making the education of our children less expensive.
@tutumom2001
greetings from a fellow passenger on the Merit Aid Express, and best wishes to you and Little Tutu
@Snowball%20City
wealthy families can do what they want with their money – spend their wealth on full-pay Ivies or LACs, or insist on a less expensive school while putting the difference in a trust fund or investments, or sadly even pulling the plug on their college kids while they buy … i don’t know, golden toilets or whatever rich people buy. you are right, education is a family value and i don’t think the government needs to step in with a Children of Golden Toilet Families College Fund
Gosh, I am so SICK of these we-can’t-afford-Ivy-League arguments. SO WHAT?
I can’t afford a Lamborgini. I can’t even afford a Tesla. I can afford a Huyndai and a Nissan. So that’s what I drive, and I’m just fine.
I also couldn’t afford the Ivy League or any private school, for that matter. So I went to a public university. And I’m just fine. AND SO ARE MILLIONS OF OTHERS who did the same.
It’s time adults started to act like adults. OP, you sound like a whiny teenager, sorry for being blunt.
Look at your finances clearly, study your options clearly, quit whining that the Joneses are sending their kids to Amherst and you can’t. Life doesn’t begin and end with a private education.
Get tough. Get real. It’s the greatest lesson you can offer your children.
Get tough, get real, and be gracious about the choices you make- and the choices that others make.
Golden toilet…I knew I forgot something from Home Depot!!! 
Well, I am not so sure we are subsidizing other students. The endowments seem to kick in for a lot of the costs too.
Even if I were “subsidizing” another student I would be ok with that. It is often said that socio economic diversity is important on campus. If I can help bring that student in so that a farm kid from Kansas can provide a different point of view in class, that helps educate my kid too. If that farm kid then goes to get a masters in social work then that is another benefit to society. It’s all good.
Someone above mentioned attending a Federal Service Academy if one is able to qualify academically and get a congressperson, senator, VP, or POTUS to provide a nomination*.
Another thing to consider is that if one attends a Federal Service Academy (FSA) and opts to leave within the first 2 years for whatever reason not only has no military service obligation(obligation starts upon the cadet starting his/her 3rd year at the Academy**), but is also considered a veteran and thus, eligible to be considered independent of parents for FA considerations:
https://www.law.cornell.edu/uscode/text/38/1965
However, even going through a semester or a few weeks at an FSA is a very tough way and arguably a sketchy way to get around the FA policies that the finances of one’s parents are considered for FA purposes until one reaches the age of 24.
- Children of parents who earned a MOH are exempt from the nomination requirement as a national gesture of thanks for their parent(s)' sacrifices. They just need to qualify academically for admission.
- If a cadet opts to/is forced to leave after starting his/her 3rd year at an FSA, s/he's liable to pay back the costs of his/her academy education or be subjected to a mandatory service obligation as an enlisted soldier, sailor, airman, or marine at the sole determination/discretion of the Federal government/military branch of service.
Are you comparing the admissions and aid policies of private colleges to civic decisions regarding public infrastructure?
With all due respect, I disagree that there is an equivalence.
IF the government is providing this socialist education, then it should be at only public institutions and only in that student’s home state. All these foreign governments that are subsidizing education do not do it at just any university that student dreams of. In the EU, some do offer a discount to other EU members, but not all do. Really no different than Florida not offering a discount to residents of Idaho.
I think this OP is sending confusing, alternate messages. On another thread, she said:
“I do like prestige and would pay for it but still on the fence about if it’s worth gambling with D’s self esteem and my savings.” (The self-esteem referred to the application process.)
I think it’s important she settle on some simple questions, not run threads all over the map, morphing as they go. Not shifting emphasis (now, “discrimination.”) There’s either a question in here to be tackled or it’s all just free-running chat.