why can't i commit?

College Majors Music Major
1

<p>so, i've narrowed my options down to two. both are great schools academically as well as musically. I finally decided over the weekend that I definitely wanted to go to one of them, but I decided not officially accept just yet. It's been a couple of days and I've started to have doubts about the school. It has a much better music program than my other option and it would really help me succeed as a vocalistby giving me a ton of opportunities, I just can't commit. I can't say no to any schools and I can't say yes to this one! </p>

<p>I'm afraid that all of my doubts about this school are signaling me to reconsider my other options.</p>

2

<p>Again, make a list of the pros and cons.</p>

<p>Consider cost, and factor in grad school down the road.</p>

<p>Go with what your gut tells you.</p>

<p>It’s hard, but don’t second guess yourself.</p>

3

<p>I think you can’t commit because these kinds of decisions are not simple. We carry a lot of baggage around, we hear horror stories that if you don’t choose the right program your life is ruined, that if you don’t get into absolutely X or Y you better not think of doing whatever…</p>

<p>Music is tough, there is no doubt about it, but in one sense you already have passed a large hurdle, in that you were able to commit to it, enough to want to study it in higher ed, this despite the fact that conventional wisdom says “you can’t do that”…so you already have been able to make a tough decision.</p>

<p>You are feeling the pressure of expectations, worried that the program you choose won’t be the right choice, and that is natural. Very few kids (myself included back in the late middle ages when I went to college) make a choice and say “that’s it”, they make it and then question it. You are holding off on committing because this is a big decision and you want it to be the right one…</p>

<p>So what can I offer?</p>

<p>A)trust your gut, it makes decisions a lot better then our brain does. Our brain is often fogged by a lot of baggage, myths and ‘conventional wisdom’, that our gut is not…</p>

<p>B)This isn’t like some movie, where the person has to choose between A and B, and A means having a good life and B means ended up roadkill…very few choices are a 'totally right" and a “totally wrong” one, there are shades of gray, and that is catching you. Perfectly normal, but understand what you are doing is not irrevocable, you probably have a lot of options no matter what decision you make…you can transfer if you feel it isn’t quite right, you can change your focus or even your major, if you decide you don’t want to go that route, you can head the music ed rather then performance track…</p>

<p>C)That voice of warning is there for everyone, including people today who are incredibly successful who had their doubts.</p>

<p>Given that? Take a deep breath, watch a cheesy movie, take your mind off the decision for a while, then listen to your gut…I think you have made up your mind already, you just haven’t realized it yet:)</p>

<p>I wish you luck, and bon chance.</p>

4

<p>Great advice Steff - go with what your heart tells you. I think everyone questions if they made the right choice after that choice has been made and it’s only human. Try to not look back and go with the best decision you can make at this moment with all the information you have. I agree - I think your heart is made up - it just has to convince your mind that the decision is over. Best of luck and congrats on having two wonderful choices to agonize over.</p>

5

<p>Boy, oh boy, steff, I feel for you. You are not alone. As you might have seen, my son feels the same way, and I’ve been of no help to him, Im afraid.</p>

<p>But musicprnt and ABlestMom have given great advice above. (I especially like musicprnt’s letter “B” - roadkill vs. a good life! Hilarious. And right now, I’m betting that you’re afraid you’re going to be roadkill if you make the wrong move.</p>

<p>Did you read the undergrad schools of the Met National Council finalists in the “The Audition” post? My son and I both got some comfort from that list. Grand Canyon College??? What the heck is that? And yet she fulfilled a dream that most of these VP kids would kill for - or be roadkill for!</p>

<p>Good luck in your very tough decision!</p>

6

<p>I agree with all of the above…If you aren’t happy with your choice once there you are not married to it…you do have options including transfering the next year…One of the teachers DD is considering has already told her that if she goes to the other school (we are also torn between 2 schools) then she can come back to her the next…</p>

<p>I think there are several of us still on this fence…don’t worry…looks like you will be happy which ever way you fall (2 good choices…how can you go wrong!)</p>

7

<p>It’s called buyer’s remorse and it will pop up periodically whenever you have to make a big choice. Often irrational and filled with “but what will I miss” if I choose this path over the other (or house, or spouse, etc). What are your doubts now? Were they there when you made the decision? Did you override them in your head and not listen to your heart? If not, if you had confidence in your first decision you can go with it. Sign and don’t look back. Look forward to all the great things that made you want this choice to begin with.</p>

8

<p>Steff, what you may be experiencing is “buyer’s remorse.” It’s something that adults often face when making major purchases like a new car or most commonly, that first house. Since the decision involves major $$$$, they spend a lot of time studying all the available options and listing the pros and cons of each. Finally, the answer becomes clear to them and they sign on the dotted line, committing themselves to the purchase. Lo and behold, about 48 hours later, they start to panic. Suddenly the decision that they were once so sure of now seems so very wrong. They start to get very depressed because the choices that they rejected now look much better. (“The grass is always greener on the other side.”)</p>

<p>So if you need to, remind yourself of all the reasons why you chose that school last weekend. The just take a deep breath and move on. Trust your instincts and you’ll be just fine.</p>

9

<p>

So what’s the problem with it?</p>

10

<p>Excellent question, OperaDad.</p>

<p>Steff, I just went back and looked at your schools. You have a LOT of great choices! Good for you!</p>

11

<p>Steff I don’t see any bad options on your list,good luck.</p>

12

<p>Steff,
I sent you a PM</p>

13

<p>I second Violadad’s post earlier today. It’s coming down to the wire. </p>

<p>Teacher, cost, overall program and your gut feeling. If the cost is really out of the question for your family, then I would scratch it off my list (IMHO). You have great choices. Pick the overall best one. The teacher is of great importance, and then there’s always grad school and beyond. Focus on the next four years. Good luck and congratulations!</p>

14

<p>Steff, like others, I just clicked over and looked at your list of acceptances, and you have some great choices, and I can see why they are difficult for you. One thing, for instance, could simply come down to the climate! Much different at CMU than say, Rice! It also really depends on what you want to do and where you see yourself in say, 5 years, 10 years? MY D has a classmate who will be at Rice next year, VP major, but didn’t make her decision until late last week. It might help to talk it out with some of the other VP majors on here- PM me if you want and I’ll put you in touch with my D ( luckily for my nerves, her choice was very easy for her, CIM, but I know it isn’t usually like that, so I’m grateful). Have you tried the "list idea? Two adjacent columns, one for each school, so you can compare things side-by-side? Good luck- you’ve done well up to this point and I’m sure you’ll make the right choice for you!</p>

15

<p>i wanted to thank all of you for such insightful and speedy responses! I really needed to hear some of these things. I just need to sit back and relax because, as most of you said, i’m simply suffering from buyer’s remorse. I’m sure i’ll be happy where ever I end up.
Thanks again and i’m sure i’ll make my ultimate decision in the next couple of days.</p>

16

<p>You must be a very talented young lady to have garnered such an impressive list of acceptances! One thing you shouldn’t do is doubt in your abilities! Keep us posted…</p>

17

<p>Steff – just a word of caution about transferring options. If you have scholarships from some of the schools where you’ve been accepted, those same scholarships may not be available to you later as a transfer student. So, for example, in our case, Westminster Choir College told us that transfer students, as a matter of policy never get more than $7500 or $8,000 per year which was considerably less than what our daughter was initially offered. On the other hand, from experience, there appears a degree of “elasticity” in many so called scholarship policies or decisions. But I thought I’d offer up that bit of information for fodder in your decision-making process.</p>

18

<p>I did it. I sucked it up and committed to Rice University! Thanks again for all of your support and help!</p>

19

<p>Congrats steff! I bet you feel like a huge weight is lifted off your shoulders!</p>

20

<p>Congratulations! Good luck to you!</p>