Why did all of you write the same essay (why this school/major)?

College Essays
1

I got a lot of requests (Please no more - I am out of review cycles and advice) to review supplemental essays, most for the prompt, “Why this school/major?” And I found a curious thing. YOU ALL WROTE THE SAME ESSAY! As we know, for elite schools, many of the applicants look the same in terms of stats and ECs: Great GPA, great ACTs/SATs, great volunteer hours, great recommendation letters. The schools are desperate to try to find something to distinguish one student applicant from another. And the only thing left is the essay. So they ask, Why do you really want to come here? So you guys answered, each giving all the same reasons, not realizing that the prompt may seem specific, but what they are really looking for is that someone different, someone whose essay they can read and say, “Oh, this person stands out.”

So why did all of you write the same essay which keeps you in the general pool of applicants with nothing to make your essay memorable?

Did you talk about how great the school is? How great and famous the faculty is? How you want to study with Professor X, who will nourish your intellectual growth? Yes you did. You ALL did.

Did you talk about how intellectually curious you are? How you’ve had major accomplishments during your high school years and want to continue that path at School X? Yes you did. You ALL did.

Did you talk about how the school was going to give you the opportunities and tools to become your future self? Are you going to cure cancer? Write the next American play? Make great scientific discoveries, all because of what you’ll take from School X? Yes you did. You ALL did.

I’m not saying that your essays were bad, or that they weren’t well written. It’s just that I got so many (PLEASE NO MORE) essays that I kind of got a sense of what college admission people must go through reading these things. They all blur and run together. There’s advice out there to make it a little more unique. Find it (but time is running out), and write something someone will want to read.

2

Here’s one to ponder that’s different:

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Sorry to be such a curmudgeon.

4

Not a curmudgeon at all.

Thank you for all the time and effort you put into helping strangers on this site. I don’t think you’re thanked nearly enough.

5

Question: Although the essay may be unique, I don’t really see any specific information pertaining to CMU? Besides the two references, the writers talks about how it was so easy for him to talk about it, but he hardly ever mentioned what he talked about? I mean, I could say I know everything about the school, I did a ton of research, etc etc but if I don’t really write any of it down, how will they know? Sorry if this is a dumb question.

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Not really sure you should have posted that essay here – assuming it’s a real one and not one that you wrote. We caution the kids against doing so.

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It is well written and original, but as @anxiousenior1 said, I’m not sure that makes up for its nonresponsiveness.

This whole process seems so stilted and silly sometimes. If they want creative writing, say so. Colleges shouldn’t make kids answer the same boring questions year after year, and then complain that their essays/answers are boring:)

Feel free to be as carmudgee as you like!

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@AboutTheSame - Not one single essay that I’ve ever posted (there have been a lot over the years) is real, but for illustrative purposes only. No, they are certainly not perfect essays, by far, but are written to make a point.

@anxiousenior1 - There’s a lot of information in there about why this is a good match, but sorely lacking in the “why art at CMU.” That could have been worked in as well, and, had this been an actual essay, I would have advised that. But the info about what else the student was seeking is important as well.

@HRSMom - Ain’t it the truth.

@bjkmom - Thanks!

And, btw, there was at least one student who sent a generic essay, took some VERY general advice from me, and transformed his?/her? essay into something “MILES and MILES above” the original draft (You know who you are).

9

Ha ha. They’re all gonna copy that one next year!

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I’ll bet not… One of the things I’ve found (overgeneralizing, I know) is that the students who are on this forum (College Essays) do NOT look back at previous posts to get information or advice. They mostly just ask for readers. Notice that with one exception, the responders are parents.

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^lol. You are right! And that one student seems a very bright and inquisitve one.

12

Good post. In my experience, 19/20 of essays range from awful to trite.

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I guess I’ve just had good luck this year. A number of very bright international applicants who had interesting topics, took criticism well, and improved their essays.

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Why thank you @HRSMom c: too bad Duke didn’t see it :stuck_out_tongue: haha

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You can imagine how I feel about Duke right now!!! Their loss:)

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@HRSMom - I reviewed that person’s essay for one school, and I don’t think she’ll mind me saying that she had a strong one.

@AboutTheSame - I had the same luck last year with some internationals who had some incredible experiences and were able to convey that in their essays.

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Thank you! @digmedia I’m sure it’s all the more stronger after taking your comments to heart.

18

Thank you

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I definitely understand this advice, and this is a fantastic what not to do. Thank you for posting this!

I am wondering the difference between those trite essays and the one you posted. You could replace ‘CMU’ with just about any other college name and the essay would be the same. It says little specifically about the school that he enjoys. Mostly, it is unique because of the creative format (phrasing it as a discussion) but I see nothing new in the content.

Alternatively, if those are things we shouldn’t write, then what should we? If we can’t say: “I want to be part of Program X at Podunk University because it would allow me to further explore Y awesome thing I did in high school, work with Z professor who is doing research that interests me because A, B…” then what can we write?

20

“Why do you want to go to (University X)?” the man asked me. I was unsure whether he was trying to smile or perhaps grimacing at some scrap of food refusing to be swallowed. “I was a student there in the Eighties,” he continued, “and let me tell you a few things. First, the faculty there will work your butt off from the moment you arrive. They won’t accept anything but your best. Second, in the winter, (City Y) is COLD! Makes you think twice about leaving your dorm to get to class. And, some years, the snow is so deep the sidewalks across campus become more like tunnels. Third…”

He started to go on, but I interrupted. “It’s a great school,” I said. “I’ve done so much research into where I can pursue my passion for art, and believe me, this is the place I need to be. Besides, the more snow, the better for cafeteria trays on (Property of University X).”

“Art?” he sneered. “Son, you’d be lucky to paint (Student Art Work). You’d not only be out there at 2:00 in the morning, you’d be COLD!” I was beginning to detect a theme here, but then he turned serious, and I could tell that he was just playing with me. “Tell me,” he asked, “are you prepared to devote four years of yourself there? Why do you REALLY want (University X)?”

He thought I’d hem and haw, but I had my answers. I knew why. I’d spent so much of the past year, from the Spring of my Junior year in high school, searching for just the right school. I was looking for a combination that I wasn’t sure existed. Of course I wanted the academic rigor and the nurturing environment that would allow me to grow as an artist. But that was only a part of it.

I wanted an overall cultural environment outside of my major as well: a vibrant theater troupe, all-night political discussions, a small group of musicians to jam with, a sense of playful fun among the students, a friendly, welcoming school family. And I wanted it all in a neighborhood and city that had their own attractions and cultural feel. Yes, I was ready to work hard and, as he put it, to “devote four years of myself” to a place. But I also wanted all of the other and I had finally found it. This was where I’d take my high-school self and not only fulfill my dream to become an artist, but also become a fully-developed person.

It was easy for me to explain that to him.

“Well,” the man smiled as I finished, “I can see it in you. You’ll make the most of being there. You’ll carry (University X)’’s tradition of success forward. Good luck to you!”

Six fill in the blanks and this essay works for any school. I’m not sure if its what AdComs want to see.

Edit: Just a disclaimer I have very little experience in how AdComs work. I am applying to colleges at the moment, so I may totally wrong and end up getting rejected from every school I apply to.