Let me just start off by saying that I am a sophomore with straight As, my GPA is in the top 10% of my graduating class, all of my classes are honors or AP level, and my PSAT score is within the 90th percentile, enough though I went into it without having read a single prep book or taken any classes. I may not be a math genius or some sort of academic prodigy, and I don’t mean to come off narcissistic, but I objectively know I’m smart.
That being said, a couple of my friends–also honors and AP students–have just been really hard on me lately. Whenever I ask questions in class or try to engage in normal conversation with them I’m told over and over things like “God, you’re retarded” or “you’re so stupid, wow” or “you’re being more autistic than usual today”. I’m told these things when I don’t get a joke immediately or have to ask for clarifications on activity instructions. At first I laughed and brushed it off because they were said jokingly, but now it’s said to me so frequently that I’m really feeling upset and hurt.
The only possible reason I can think of why I’m receiving this treatment is my general disposition. I’m a fairly easy-going and kind of giggly person, and I think I can come off a little bit like a ditz. I’m not particularly mean, either, so maybe they think it’s fun to push me around?
I’ve never been insecure about my intelligence, but they just make me feel so awful, and their words are seriously brutal. I can’t confront them about it either, because they’ll just roll their eyes, call me lame for being so serious, and say they were kidding. It would just make things awkward.
What do you guys think? What should I do? Why could they be acting this way?
TDLR; I’m objectively smart, but constantly being teased by my friends for being stupid, which hurts me a lot. Why do they do this and how do I deal with it calmly?
Have you told them to stop? Awkward is better than you getting upset. Even if you don’t want to confront them about insulting you, they should not be using autism as an insult to anyone- so you could take the conversation that way. If it continues, you should look into getting new friends. {There are always more fish in the sea.}
Smart people don’t go around boasting about how smart they are. Ever see Bill Gates or Warren Buffet do that? Putting people down because you think you’re somehow smarter should be interpreted as doing the same. Whenever somebody goes out of their way to say they’re smart or that others are dumb, they’re showing their true colors on how smart they really are.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. With friends like that, who needs enemies? I’m unsure why people would act like that. Respectfully tell them that you don’t appreciate them insulting you and if they don’t listen, steer clear.
Short answer: they’re not your friends. Really though, to me being friendless sounds better than hanging out with friends who use “retarded” and “autistic” as insults and think it’s appropriate to tell anyone they’re ‘stupid’ even as a joke (it’s not funny).
Ableist language isn’t cool to use. Ever. These people are definitely not your friends if they’re insulting you and making fun of you. Remember that intelligence isn’t everything! I’m sure there are people out there who think you’re cool and unique. You just have to do a little searching. Try sitting elsewhere in class or at lunch.
“Ablest?” These are teenagers who are sometimes jerks coming to grips with their own insecurities. Tell them you don’t like it and ask them to stop. If that does not work, develop friendships that are more to your liking.
Often we train others how to treat us. I suspect they call you names because it compensates for their insecurities, takes advantage of your vulnerabilities, or both. Friends can be mean sometimes so I would not fire them idly. But you should not put up with it if it is no longer funny.
I’m gonna respond to this with a bit of a different approach. Are you certain they’re not just horsing around with you? I just want to make sure that isn’t the case. I’m a senior, and my friends and I always insult each other, but there’s a subtle, common understanding among us that we’re really just joking around. Sometimes we get harsh, but in the end, everyone is laughing and everyone has a good time.
You wouldn’t want to confront them with a super serious attitude telling them to stop hurting your feelings when they’ve been thinking that they were just joking the entire time. Not only would that be painfully awkward, but it also might make you appear too sensitive in such a way that people don’t feel comfortable around you.
So what I would suggest doing is, the next time one of them makes a comment like the ones you’ve described, say something back at them that sounds a bit harsh, but do it with a slight smile. Like, if you’re in precal and you ask to clarify an activity, and one of your friends makes a comment like, “God, you’re retarded”, perhaps say something like, “Yeah, says the dumba** who got a B on the last test” (assuming you got an A on it, lol). The exact comment you make doesn’t really matter, all that matters is that you give a comeback that sounds a bit harsh.
Watch how they react. If they smile and maybe break a small laugh, you guys are friends and it’s okay to be harsh when joking around. If they get defensive and start reacting seriously, then they are not your friends and you need to slowly distance yourself away from them.