On Friday & Saturday evenings, I usually hang out with a group of friends who live off campus. I met them during my freshman year of college & I’m still friends with them to this day, but I decided to stay on campus due to financial reasons.
They either play video games/watch TV at their place or go to the bar/party. They don’t have a problem with me coming over and visiting, but sometimes, I leave a couple of hours later after I hung out with them (pregaming), but I do stay at their place if the party scene is looking dull that evening. I even asked them and they said that they don’t care & that I’m always free to make my own choices (by staying or going). Yet, some of their other friends visit & leave due to their work schedules & other obligations as well. This means that I’m not the only one out of their friend group that’s staying or leaving.
So, am I wrong for leaving them for a party, despite them saying that they never had a problem with it? I also forgot to add that I always join them if they go to the bar or something.
If you are inviting them to go with you to the parties I don’t see a problem. If you are just using them to kill time until something better is happening, that’s something entirely different.
Do they seem to have a different attitude towards the other friends who come and go?
What is it you want from them? Maybe I’m misinterpreting the situation, but it seems to me that attitudes are nicely aligned on both sides: you’re happy to hang out with them unless you’ve got something better to do and they’re equally fine with you staying or going. The title of the thread makes me wonder if you want to leave when there’s a better party somewhere else, but you want them urging you to stay. If that’s true, why?
@millie210 I visit them because my current roommate goes home every weekend due to his work schedule back at home, plus there’s limited things to do at my college. Now, I can easily stay in my dorm room, but boredom gets the best of me. And since most humans are social creatures, it’s safe to say that the biggest thing for me is finding something to do when I’m bored. Yet, I’m still friends with them & I bet they feel happy & even grateful to have a friend who takes time out of their day just to hang out with them.
Is this high school or college? If high school, then nobody should be going to bars. If this is college, well then it is hard to understand how this isn’t something a college student couldn’t figure out. Why would you ask a group of strangers to weigh in on whether you should hang out with your friends or not? Why would strangers have better insight than a college student has on his/her own social world.
My suggestion would be to not stick with just one group. Try to meet new people with varied interests. You will learn something new from getting out of your comfort zone. College is one time when you will be surrounded by so many other students close to your age. Network and meet your classmates and professors. You never know who will later be of help to you in finding career opportunities once you graduate.
You are fortunate to be able to live on campus so utilize that time to meet as many new people as you can. I feel college is more than partying, video games, and drinking. You don’t need to go to college to get that experience. Just try out things that you have never done before. Join some group activity or team and expand your friends circle.
@raclut I have several friends & a couple of groups that I’m apart of at college, but I feel closest to this certain group of people because I knew them since my freshman year. I already play video games here & there, but I feel more comfortable partying & drinking at college around people my age rather than back at home.
Now, I don’t have a problem with drinking at all, but I just don’t feel the need to drink whenever I’m back at home, it’s just a college thing to me. I’ll also admit that I can easily do other things besides partying/drinking back at home & after college just because of the increased responsibility as we get older. Even though younger adults will still go out from time to time, I feel like some of them, including me, will eliminate the party scene as we get older.
Though these are your friends since freshman year you don’t know if you will continue to have contact with them when you graduate. People come and go in our lives. Nothing is permanent so if relations change over time you should not feel bad about that.
I think that it is pretty normal back when I was freshman my circle of friends loves to hang out a lot. There are time wherein I don’t go with them and they respect my decision. Always remember that this isn’t HS anymore wherein you’ll befriend for the rest of the school year. It does change, as what they say people come and go. Only a few stays and you are lucky if you will be able to find that type of person throughout your college journey.
The only difference I see is that your other friends leave for “obligations” and you leave in search of better parties. If you’re sensing that your friends are ambivalent about having you around rather than just flexible about who comes and goes then maybe you need to focus more on building relationships and less on partying.
It’s concerning that so many of your threads focus on the party scene. It’s interesting that you’ll hang out with these friends if they go to the bar, but you’ll leave if they’re staying in and you have an opportunity to party elsewhere. If partying is getting in the way of your relationships you may want to reevaluate how important it is to you.
People seem to shy away from talking about the social scene on here, & I know why. Now, I’m not saying that it’s a bad idea to have fun, but I’m always safe & responsible, until something happens. Only if my college was bigger and had more options for entertainment, then my threads would be more varied in what I talk about.
It doesn’t help that my college is located in a small, rural area with only a select amount of restaurants & stores. We only have one bowling alley & pub/bar. The nearest mall outlet/bigger town is about 15-20 minutes away. So, most people either stay in, party, or go home. However, instead of complaining about it, I just accept it. On an extra note, I didn’t bring my car because I still live on campus, plus parking can be a pain at my college.
I also know that some of my threads may be questionable at times, but I not only joined this site to discuss things about college, I wanted to get some advice from other people as well, even if the situation never occurred in my life. IMO, it’s better to get advice from the people on here who’ve been through college & have experienced different things. It gives me a better idea of what life is really like. It helps with my disability as well.
Overall, I know that college isn’t all about partying & drinking, but everyone is different in their own way. The main problem that can occur is if my drinking/partying habits are negatively affecting my grades, which it isn’t.
MODERATOR’S NOTE: OP, you really need to find a counselor to talk to. Strangers on the internet aren’t going to be able to give you the help you need. Closing thread.