<p>My daughter will be starting at NU as a freshman this fall and we'll be flying out from Boston to drop her off. The thing is, her younger sister (13) will already have begun school (8th grade), as will, presumably, nearly all the younger sibs in America. That being the case, we expect that, while there'll be stuff for the parents to do (in addition to shopping for dorm things), there won't be much for sibs to do, and nobody around her age there. </p>
<p>One month later, is "family weekend," which I guess will have more activities for brothers and sisters, and, of course, is on a weekend, rather than during school days. That seems more sibling-friendly, but it also seems weird to do the drop-off without everybody there, even if school will be missed and there might be significant boredom.</p>
<p>Anyhow, we're looking for advice from anybody who's been to both of these events in past years. Have to start shopping for plane tix pretty soon, and possibly arranging for somebody to host the younger daughter, if she's not going to the "Welcome." Thanks!</p>
<p>This is a tough one and we went through it four years ago. We had our younger daughter miss school. It was really important for both of them to help get her sister “settled” in her new environment. There was really no boredom between shopping, moving things in, setting her room up, we had very little down time. Plus you don’t want to overstay your welcome so just as things settle down, you’re gone and heading home. </p>
<p>I’m pretty sure younger sister did not come to Parents Weekend and that was a good thing. I flew in a day early because she was in a Freshman show and my husband met me the next morning. The kids are so busy during Parents Weekend - they have school and homework and papers and tests and, of course, a social life, it’s really a scattered weekend. </p>
<p>Depending on your kids relationship, I think the emotional support is much more important during move-in than during Parents Weekend. My honest suggestion would be to not even go to Parents Weekend and to pick another weekend when your NU daughter has little going on (if that kind of weekend even exists!).</p>
<p>amtc is an NU veteran and gives good advice here, so I don’t have a lot to add. With my one data point, I can give a “+1” to the notion that emotional support is more important at move-in and that a kid may not have much free time for parents by Parents Weekend. Not that s/he doesn’t want to see you, but that the quarter system moves pretty quickly and every spare minute counts, especially when they’re first getting used to it.</p>
<p>Since we took a week to drive our son and his belongings the thousand miles to NU, we didn’t feel we could take our middle school daughter out of school for that long and had a relative come stay with her. We were glad we did because it allowed us to give our son undivided attention, attend the various events and talks, and deal with our own emotions about our oldest going off to college without worrying about our daughter feeling neglected or bored. Most of the planned activities during Wildcat Welcome Week were either for parents (reception with residence hall master, talks by the president and dean of his college, dinner reception with a long line, and choice of talks by the head of various student services) or for students only. The exception to this was the March Through the Arch, where families line up along campus paths and cheer the new students as they march through the arch followed by addresses by the president, dean of students, and student government president. I don’t recall seeing young siblings during the two days there.</p>
<p>We later planned a trip with our daughter in mind, choosing a weekend where there were two musicals being put on that we knew she would enjoy, and had a great, relaxing time together. This trip was very important in her feeling more connected to her brother and his life there. We have never attended Parents Weekend so can’t comment on that but I do know my son said he’s so busy those weekends that he would have very little time to see us.</p>
<p>I think it’s helpful to weigh the feelings and dynamics of all involved and make the best decision based on that.</p>
<p>I guess it depends on the relationship between your children. If they are really close and the younger sibling needs to be part of the “goodbye” then by all means bring her. We did not bring our younger daughter when we dropped off the older one and it was the right thing for all concerned in our situation. I’d echo CCMom2Us comments that the undivided attention to the college bound student is pretty important and it will be very fluid. Your younger sibling may feel like she’s just being carted around and be bored.</p>
<p>Good advice already given and much depends on the relationships involved. </p>
<p>Here is my take. I put two children through college–the older one at Northwestern. When we dropped her off, my younger one (my son) stayed with friends. My view is that drop off as a freshman is a very special time between parent and child. While any serious talks should occur BEFORE you get to campus, the psychological preparation of settling your child in their dorm and saying good bye is a precious time for both child and parent. The second child will have their time but leave that drop off moment for the parents and the child going to college. I will forever remember the moments when I said good bye and good luck in college. It felt very personal and a second child might have felt unimportant at the time.</p>
<p>As a freshman, we did not go to Parents Weekend. We went to it when she was a sophomore. As a freshman, it was not a huge deal since we talked frequently but looking back, I kind of wish we had gone to Parents weekend freshman year. </p>
<p>BTW, after freshman year, both my kids cared nothing about parents ‘seeing them off’ We only went to one parents weekend for my daughter at NU (junior year she was abroad and senior year she didn’t really care that we came). So, as your children get older, going to these things becomes less and less important to them. So, consider going while they still want you to come.</p>
<p>"So, consider going while they still want you to come. "
rpg1 has done an excellent job of summing up the parent/kid college experience!</p>
<p>I have a D who is a recent Alum, and a Freshman son - and I vote for Wildcat Welcome.</p>
<p>The March Through The Arch is not to be missed - it’s a new tradition, as they did not do that when D started. Son liked it so much he applied for and was accepted as a Peer Advisor, so he get’s to help out the next class with adjusting and getting oriented.</p>
<p>Enjoy it while you can - and Congratualtions!</p>
<p>For what it’s worth, I took our D to Wildcat Welcome without her younger brother or DH. We did lots of hunter-gathering and mother/daughter bonding, which was great during an emotional time for both of us. I think if S had seen how much we both cried he’d never have been able to leave for college. Then the rest of the family came out for Family Weekend, and although D was very busy with lots of classes and performances I think she really loved having all of us there to see how she was settling in, plus knowing we would all be coming for Family Weekend made the initial adjustment easier for her.</p>
<p>I think we’ll probably do something similar when S joins her at NU next fall, but obviously different families prefer different approaches.</p>
<p>Tougis - sister relationships are different that brother/sister relationships. The best idea is to probably ask both your kids what they might prefer. It never occurred to either of my kids that this milestone would be missed by either of them.</p>
<p>Actually, my older daughter’s Senior year in college had not yet begun so she came with us to younger daughter’s Freshman Orientation/Move-in and that was a life saver! Younger daughter was very shy (“was” because it’s amazing what one year of college will do) and very nervous and emotional and wouldn’t attend any Orientation sessions unless her older sister offered to go with her. That worked fine since no one knew who older daughter was. I have no idea how we would have survived without both girls both times. Even on the way home having the other sibling was helpful, my husband was hysterical on the plane ride home both times and having one of his daughters with him helped him.</p>
<p>Every family is different, sounds like a time for a family meeting!</p>
<p>I have two kids in college and one still at home. My husband and I attended Wildcat Welcome/move-in without the younger sibling. There were so many parent presentations to attend that would have bored the high schooler, although he would have liked March Through the Arch (as did I). My NU student was so busy with scheduled Peer Group activities, that we barely got to see him after arranging his room and a quick hug the next day. He had planned dinners, meetings, presentations, placement testing, advising, etc. While some kids had those activities several days later, my son had them (i.e. advising and placement testing) the day after arrival. Some Peer Groups had more free time than others, but in hindsight, we are glad that we did not bring the younger sibling. As others have said, it just depends on the family I suppose. One other thing, the younger sibling was involved in a fall sport at his high school, and he would have had to miss a game in order to attend move-in day. That was a factor for him. </p>
<p>A month later we all attended Parent’s Weekend, but even that was hectic. There are activities for families that do not include the NU student, so consider those in your planning. My son’s musical group had rehearsals and a concert that weekend, so our time with him was limited except for Sunday afternoon. We met a few experienced parents who told us that they tended to skip Parent’s Weekend and plan a family trip on a different weekend when there is more free time. </p>
<p>Since that time, we’ve allowed the younger sibling to visit the NU student on his own. That has been very rewarding and fun for both kids! We’ve also visited on various weekends and have had much more time with our student than we did during Parent’s Weekend. The hotels were cheaper too!</p>
<p>Agree with previous posts describing how hectic both Wildcat Welcome and Parents Weekend can be. Honestly, for my son 2 yrs ago, the drop off and unloading went very quickly and there would have been no place for a younger sibling. Even Parents Weekend leaves very little time for family togetherness. I would vote for having your younger child stay home and not miss school. She will not be missing out on that much.</p>
<p>IMO, the best time for family/younger sibling visit is at the start of winter or spring quarter, before the work load starts getting intense.</p>
Then the rest of the family came out for Family Weekend, and although D was very busy with lots of classes and performances I think she really loved having all of us there to see how she was settling in, plus knowing we would all be coming for Family Weekend made the initial adjustment easier for her.</p>