<p>It's cocky. It's an essay. And it's coming your way.</p>
<p>Will you wonderful ladies and gentlemen, mothers and daugters, fathers and sons, fellow peers and respected elders, and living sapiens and dead fossil fuels be oh so kind enough to take a look. Come now, take a peek, it won't hurt, you'll be doing your country proud. Uncle Sam wants YOU!</p>
<p>Perhaps some of you may first want to know why I want to attend Harvard, yes? It is not for the Ivy League status, for surely that would be childish--to worship a sports league. But indeed the school has stomped into my footpath towards world domina...I mean higher learning after I learned of this girl. A Harvard girl. A pretty Harvard girl. A heart-shattering, sinful yet heavenly, HOT-as-hell, feminine organism who may be able to cure my fancy for secular delight--pretty Harvard girl! That's not a bad reason to want anything, now is it?</p>
<p>Okay, apparently two persons have PMed since I put this forum up, volunteering to read it, which is great; I am just letting you other people know this, so that I don't come off as one of those village idiots, sounding completely drunk all the time whilst being alienated. </p>
<p>Remember, reading my essay is an offer available for a limited time only (until around the middlish of december), so act now!</p>
<p>Oh goodness gracious! I don't require help of such magnitude so as to have eighteen persons (inc those who PMed) read my bloody essay! So I tell you this, I, being the altruistic, good-natured (handsome) fellow that I most humbly am, will treat all of you to a most tasteful simulation--we shall simulate the Harvard admissions process. </p>
<p>Again, there are eighteen of you; Harvard generally accepts 9% of its applicants, but I on the other hand will be too generous, so generious that in fact I will accept 11% of you mortals. For you slow hags that lack in the elementry mathematical department, this means two of you will be selected to read my essay.</p>
<p>The basis of my selection is quite understandable; it consists of your community service--of how many posts you ladies and gentlemen have contributed to this well respected community of ours--and of your essay/personality/interest factor--with how much enthusiasm you replied to me. Generally, the more community service and the less enthusiasm, the higher your chance of being selected.</p>
<p>And with that being said, I shall send my essay to the two chosen ones tomorrow. Why tomorrow? Because I recently was lucky enough to have one of the mothers on this board read my essay, and I would like to first incorporate her suggestions. Following, I would then like to incorporate further suggestions I--again most gratefully--received by a Caltech undergrad whom occasionally peruses this board.</p>
<p>^Please, please, don't feel hurt. You obviously know you weren't going to be selected since you only have 21 posts. And hopefully you did click on that link I provided in my last post; I'm not trying to be cocky by not providing all with my essay, but rather just a bit safe. If that thread (the link) became a sticky, I figure there must be a lot of copying taking place these days, which is quite frightening, admit you must!</p>
<p>And amb3r, no, I am not British, though my father halfway is (his father and step-brother were British), and he indeed has a british accent since he was also sent to a British boarding school when young. I myself am Bangladeshi, and my mother is Indian. I was born in Bangladesh whilst my father was working for a charity in Bangladesh. I am terribly sorry if I came off as British though, but when writing with enthusiasm, I sometimes subconciously come off as "a dorky Yankee trying to pass off as a Brit." Quite possibly due to my own father's incredible charisma that I have come to admire.</p>
<p>gametheory, for your own sake, I hope the persona that comes through in your app is nothing like the one that has come through on this thread....</p>
<p>Egad! Those AUGUST GENES! Careful, darling, or us little, witless lassies and blokes might faint. </p>
<p>Suggestion: On May 1 I'll send you my essays, and you send me yours. That will set the record straight. You in or out, you precious princeling? </p>
<p>I frankly don't understand why you're so emotional, Frances. Perhaps you're flirting with me or something or another. Besides, cruelty you mustn't display, for I too am a fan of Frances Farmer--a beautiful thing she was in her primary days. And again, be a good girl and calm yourself, for truly you are on the path towards repentance of a sin I warn you very well may commit.</p>
<p>And as for you Ailey, I don't want to argue with another person on this wonderful forum. Nonetheless, I shall not let my character be attacked in such a manner. I wish you to duly note that my vibrancy, or perhaps my exceptional ability to advertise my essay, was rewarded with a total of eighteen replies (including the PMs), from mortals all asking to read my essay, and some with great energy, mind you, such as Miss Frances Farmer Fanatic herself. I would be shocked if such a prestigious school as Harvard would not appreciate such a charismatic gentleman as yours truly.</p>