Will Colleges Actually Hate My Essay Idea?

College Essays
1

First, some background:

GPA: 3.93 unw

ACT: 31 composite, math was 26 (lower 2nd time around)

All of my core classes are either AP or honors and I’ve taken 7 total sciences courses all either AP or honors (I go to a very small school so there’s not a lot of options)

Extracurriculars: NHS, golf team, math and science club captain (involved all 4 years, captain for 2), UIL competitor all 4 years (science (regional qualifier), math, number sense, calculator along with some journalism events this year that I placed at district in). FFA 2 years, StuCo, mascot 1 year, student football athletic trainer 3 years, placed 6th in the state among 9th graders in the TMSCA top gun contest (points come from ranking in all 4 events at the contest)

Planned Major: Nuclear engineering

Applying to: RPI, UF, Purdue, Penn State, Oregon State, and Georgia Tech

PSA: I’ve moved around quite a bit and my elementary years were spent at a 5-6A school whereas I’m at a 2-3A now. Also, my father was my principal at the time and my mom was a teacher so I was predestined to be kind of an odd kid.

Essay Prompt: Tell a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.

So for my essay, I had thought about how when I was younger I used to forgo recess like the other kids and instead I would sneak into the school library and read books about anything and everything. I developed a relationship with my librarian where I was basically like a grandchild to her. She taught me how to mend books and check them in and out and helped me really discover a love for learning. We could only check out two books at a time and our class went through the library once a week, but I would always finish them within a day or two, so I was soon able to start checking out three or four books at a time while I attempted to read my way through the entire library. The books that I loved the most always talked about science or exploring or amazing discoveries, and I think that that love for nonfiction and the desire to make something influential has really followed me my entire life thanks to all of those days spent in the racks. Also, our librarian was kind of a character. She actually taught me how to play poker because she went to Vegas with her husband a lot and they were REALLY good at that kind of stuff and she always celebrated authors birthdays and stuff by dressing up.

Also, any advice to help put this together in a nice, coherent manner?

2

That’s a cool essay idea to me. Shows you are studious and want to learn.

3

I know almost nothing about how schools interpret essays.

However, I quite like your story. I think that it makes you look unique and interesting.

It is often the unique and interesting people who are willing to go beyond the norm that accomplish great things in this world.

Good luck with your applications and best wishes.

4

Sounds like a cool essay. You might want to slip a little something in somewhere that illustrates your ability to form relationships with peers, even if recess per se wasn’t your thing. As long as you preempt a negative interpretation in that regard, I think it sounds like a terrific piece.

That 26 in math could be a stumbling block for an engineering applicant. Did you have trouble finishing the ACT math section? You might give the SAT a chance and see if it goes better for you, particularly if the pace of the ACT was difficult. Other than that you seem to have a strong record, so if you could get a math score that really shows your abilities, you’d be in great shape.

5

The first time I took the ACT I had a 30 composite with a 29 in math, so I’m debating which score to send to the schools I have that option at

6

I think the challenge with that essay topic is that it sounds like it all took place in elementary school. Now one of my kids spun something that had started at that age into an excellent essay, but she was able to extend the story into high school. That said, I don’t see the as essay as super critical for the schools you listed.

I do think GA Tech may be out of reach given your test scores.

7

Two issues with your essay the way you describe it:

a. It’s about you as a young child, not you as a college applicant. I think schools want to know who you are today.

b. It paints you as someone who is very much a loner, avoiding recess with your peers, being befriended by an adult instead of other kids your age.

Now realize that my reaction is based on your description, not your actual essay. Perhaps your essay will paint a very different picture.

8

My daughter also wrote an essay about her love of reading. She started with how she would spend hours in bath when she was little just so she could have some peace and quiet to read. It was funny, but it was only the introduction, not the whole essay. She then wrote about why she loved reading. She listed few books she loved as an young adult and did a good job of comparing those books. It showed adcoms she could write at college level, gave them insight to her as a person, and it was funny and also serious.

9

Well, @bjkmom, I do have a soft spot for this story. I, too, loathed recess, and was able to snag a “student librarian” role at my elementary school so I could go shelve books or hang out in the library (often with a book) during recess. And I turned out all right (I think). But it has to move into your HS years to be a strong college essay.

10

I like the essay concept but also agree to make sure you focus on how it ties in to you as a person now.

I’m also worried about your math ACT subsection. It’s going to be a red flag for engineering. Average ACT for Purdue engineering is up to a 32. You are still in range with your composite but again, the lower math score may be worth another try.

11
  1. I was mistaken and it's actually a 27 (not that that makes it much better)
  2. The biggest issue I've been having with the essay is the fact that I've moved around a lot. At the different schools, there wasn't really any overlap. I can't seem to find anything in my life that connects me to now in order to answer the prompt other than the fact that my father has always been in administration at my school and my mother a teacher. Personally, I don't think that writing the whole "poor, pitiful me. I've been bullied because of blah, blah, blah" story would be of any interest to anybody.
  3. I'm not super tied to the engineering major, but I would like to do something in a science related field.
12

Google “hacking the college essay 2017” for some good ideas on how to write the college essay that only you could write.

13

Wow, this "“the fact that my father has always been in administration at my school and my mother a teacher” gives you a perspective that a lot of kids don’t share.

Not from a “poor pitiful me” point of view. But you were given a side to the story that a lot of kids don’t see. I imagine you’ve seen your dad up in the middle of the night, dealing with an emergency of some sort that your classmates never knew about-- or never knew the whole story regardless of what they thought. Depending on where you live, I bet you’ve seen your dad NOT get a snow day that he was pulling for, or fought for some other issue and won or lost the fight. And you’ve seen the work that your mom puts into planning, the nights, the weekends, the time over the summer.

You have a perspective on education that a lot of kids can’t even imagine.

14

@bjkmom So do you think that somehow I could turn those moments (I’ve seen a lot from dad AND mom) into sort of a dialogue about how I’ve learned that education is the most important thing in life and that not everyone will like the choices you make, but you sort of have to keep pushing through and stay true to your values? I feel like since my dad went from teacher to principal to superintendent I’ve learned a lot about the inner workings of the school system and also made some really great sort of personal relationship with both faculty and students.

15

Instead of trying to write about your past and connect it to the present, how about writing about the present, the past two years? It’s not meant to be about your parents careers but the person you are, how you get along with others, grow, do good. “Show, not just tell.” Meaning examples of how you operate now, the ways they want to see. That does include getting along with peers, not a hint you prefer your own company or older folks. Be careful. Remember this is for admission, not just a self reflection.

16

Why not take ONE example of staying true to your values— but choose one that happened to YOU. What happened when it could have gone either way, and what did you choose and how did it turn out?

Or take some other lesson you’ve learned, and find an example from YOUR Life.

So, sure, you can talk about your parent’s influences— but they have to be lessons you’ve learned.

17

Think about telling a story. That would require some sort of turning point within the essay. In other words, you wouldn’t just talk about things that happened to you in your life, or what you observed with your parents, but would show how you came to a realization about something, and how this realization changed you, made you start doing or seeing things differently.

18

^ eg, you could be the kid who formerly retreated to the library but as you went through hs, evolved, tried new things, took on some challenges, did some good, connected with peers.

Not just the lower school middle school saga.