<p>"She has good social skills and friends, including non-academically oriented friends, but her need to fit in ‘exactly so’, IMHO, is preventing growth. None of her friends would mind or care (or even know) if she took a college course instead of a high school course, but even so she doesn’t want to do it. "</p>
<p>I think this explains her well, because despite her high intellect, she is still a teen. What you see is a girl with intelligence beyond her years, but consider that, emotionally, she is 17 and she wants what other 17 year olds want- to fit in. </p>
<p>As parents, we see our kids from a different perspective. We can recall when we were their age, but they can’t see things as we see them. They can do very well in school, but a big part of their lives is their peers. Although you fear she will waste her potential, she has many years ahead of her to realize it. She may not have even grown up enough to find that potential. Although you are concerned that she could miss a boat- to some opportunity, those opportunities also can come to her later- in college. </p>
<p>I agree with the idea that research would be a good opportunity, but you have a stubborn, shy, anxious child who is digging her heels in on a few things: AP psych, college applications. You have done a great job of recognizing her intellect and directing her to educational resources and opportunities that make sense to all of us adults. If you were hoping to get agreement here about research- you have it from the parents, but that won’t necessarily change your daughter’s mind.</p>
<p>Although your daughter is very bright, she’s going through a developmental task that every teen goes through, and that is separation from parents and establishing their own identity. For some it is gentle and gradual, and for others, it is maddening- especially to the parent who is the same gender as they are because they are so much like that parent that they can oppose them more. They try to be like their peers, but they aren’t their peers. They may admire you, but they aren’t you. They don’t know who they are, but what they do know is that they are not mom. Fortunately many have enough sense to not break large rules, but they want to do their own thing. I can think back on my own experience where if I picked out a certain pair of jeans, my daughter would hate them, but if her friend bought the same pair, she liked them. Made no sense to me at the time. </p>
<p>It gets better, because as they mature they decide that some things mom suggests do make sense and they ask for advice, but first they have to figure out that they can still agree with mom, and be themselves. The idea behind not forcing the research and letting her choose was because if you push it, it is your idea, not hers- even if it is the best idea. The value of AP psych isn’t in the academic weight of the class. It’s because she is choosing it and pursuing her own idea.</p>
<p>She’s a smart cookie. She isn’t going to jeopardize her future by making a bad decision in school. She isn’t trading research to goof off or take a non challenging class, and in the grand scheme of things, taking AP psych isn’t going to be a deterrent to her future. It may not be the best choice on a resume compared to research, but it is still a good choice. The mileage you get from her choosing it is her being self determined. This is the quality she needs to take to college with her. She may make some mistakes, but they are not likely to be big ones. She might pursue a major she ends up not liking, or take a class that she just hates, but her figuring this out is realizing her potential. </p>
<p>Pick your battles. Teens don’t get to choose so much for themselves but they want to have some choices. There are rules and restrictions worth enforcing, but some things that have lesser impact just have to slide by so they can learn from them. You can guide her, but the only way she can really realize her potential is when she takes charge of it- when she owns her destiny. You can advise, but ultimately she has to choose. </p>